I went back into the Eastern Star line because I thought my chapter needed me. I didn't really expect to be dealing with active cancer the year I was Worthy Matron, but that's how it worked out. I wanted to serve this year in particular, because I served as Worthy Matron in 1999 for our current Worthy Grand Matron's mother. I thought it would be cool to serve with both mother and daughter. As an added bonus, I would get to be the presiding Worthy Matron when my friend Ethel was awarded her 50-year member pin and also when my daughter, Elaine, would be receiving her 25-year member pin. I was WM the first time in 1986 when lee and I got to initiate Elaine. Also receiving a 25-year pin, and another member I initiated, was Melody, who served as Honored Queen the term before Elaine. Melody has been one of my girls since she was 12 years old.
Tonight was the night we presented the pins. Yes, I had major surgery three weeks ago. No power on earth could have kept me away. I have loved Ethel since she was my first Deputy Grand Matron for my first office. I admire and respect her on a great many levels. It was such a privilege to honor her tonight. I was hurting, but I was beaming and I was blessed. Tonight was truly special in my fraternal life. Thank you, God. I'm a happy girl.
I'm also a healing girl. Things are itching, so I know they are getting better. The Visiting Nurse comes tomorrow to check on me. I also get to visit my friends at the hospital and have my blood sucked in preparation for Monday's doctor appointment. What could possibly be better? Life is perfect.
xxooxx
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Latest Trip to the Hospital
I'm home, at the desktop, and with a somewhat longer attention span, so I'll try to do justice to the last two weeks. We arrived at the hospital around 10 on the 20th. I drove just because I could. There was no place to park by the surgery center, so Elaine and I went to check in while Glenn parked the car. I was shown to a cubicle and changed into a paper gown. Vitals were taken and I settled in for an anxious wait. I met with the anesthesiologist--same one who did my surgery in 08, so she knew what she was getting in for. She wanted to put in an epidural. They tried that in 08 but ran into my back surgery. So armed, she knew where to put it this time. She said it helped in the post op recovery. Good. I met with my surgeon. Surgery was late which didn't help with the anxiety level. Finally, they came to get me. I said good by to the kids and was wheeled to the OR. Now the fun begins. I have dreadful veins. They are small, hidden, and they roll. That's why I got the port. Still, the anesthesiologist wanted another IV. Tried the left arm. Tried the right arm. OK, so we'll use the port. The surgeon, who put it in, tried to access it--couldn't get good aspiration. So the anesthesiologist got serious and put a central line into my jugular vein in my neck. That's all I remember till waking up in the PACU. OK, I survived. I hadn't been all that sure.
After the requisite PACU time, I was taken to my room on the 7th floor. I have now sampled six of the rooms there. I had a private room, always a plus. There was a window looking out to the west, but it was so high that all I saw out of it most of the time was sky. Glenn and Elaine arrived with all my toys and the news that the surgeon got all the cancer--at least all they could see this time around--and that things were looking good. That's good. Cassandra, the night nurse, was able to access my port and move the IV there. My surgeon was jealous--though he did say that they flushed it several times during surgery and that may have opened things up. I was still pretty dopey, so I managed to sleep. Friday was a different matter. I was really hurting. Staying on top of the pain was just not going to happen. I did manage to be gotten out of bed and into a chair for a while, and even walked, with a walker, the RN and CNA passed the elevator lobby to the nurses' station and back. After needing breakthrough pain meds every half hour, the evening nurse got the on call anesthesiologist to increase the morphine drip in my spine form 10 to 12 ml/hour and things got more bearable. Fortunately, you do not remember how pain feels, but you can remember that something hurt..
I came out of surgery with an NG tube--I expected that. What I didn't expect was that I'd coughed it up into my mouth and they had to replace it in the PACU. The second one also came out on its own about a day before they planned to take it out. I was expecting to have them put one back in, but they didn't. As long as I wasn't nauseous, I didn't need it. One less tube. I think I got rid on oxygen on Saturday or Sunday. Another tube gone.
I kept the epidural in till Monday. As long as that kept pumping, things were tolerable. It got a little dicey when it ran out and they weren't johnny on the spot with the next syringe. Adjusting to life without the morphine drip was difficult. At one point, I went for two hours waiting for the next pain shot and for my IV bag to be changed. That was the day that I had a less than satisfactory CNA who failed to pass on to the nurse that my IV was beeping and I was in pain. I dozed off around shift change and was really uncomfortable when relief finally came.
My neighbor in the beginning was a a 30 or 40 something Asian woman. Her husband was with her most of the time. They walked the halls a lot, he pushed her IV pole and held her hand--then just held her hand when she got rid of the IV. That was pure love. It made me smile just passing them in the hall. I didn't get to say good by when she checked out, but I wish them well.
I had company and phone calls, cards and flowers. I didn't have the kids set up my laptop till I'd been there about a week. I updated my Facebook status from my IPhone--just didn't have the energy for the laptop--and there was almost no way to use it comfortably for long periods of time. My memory of the last two weeks is sort of jumbled together. Suffice it to say that things are progressing as they should. If I try to pass this surgery off as "no big deal," as I have said of the last three years, someone slap me. This surgery was a big deal.
I'm on the mend and thank you all for the prayers and support.
xxooxx
After the requisite PACU time, I was taken to my room on the 7th floor. I have now sampled six of the rooms there. I had a private room, always a plus. There was a window looking out to the west, but it was so high that all I saw out of it most of the time was sky. Glenn and Elaine arrived with all my toys and the news that the surgeon got all the cancer--at least all they could see this time around--and that things were looking good. That's good. Cassandra, the night nurse, was able to access my port and move the IV there. My surgeon was jealous--though he did say that they flushed it several times during surgery and that may have opened things up. I was still pretty dopey, so I managed to sleep. Friday was a different matter. I was really hurting. Staying on top of the pain was just not going to happen. I did manage to be gotten out of bed and into a chair for a while, and even walked, with a walker, the RN and CNA passed the elevator lobby to the nurses' station and back. After needing breakthrough pain meds every half hour, the evening nurse got the on call anesthesiologist to increase the morphine drip in my spine form 10 to 12 ml/hour and things got more bearable. Fortunately, you do not remember how pain feels, but you can remember that something hurt..
I came out of surgery with an NG tube--I expected that. What I didn't expect was that I'd coughed it up into my mouth and they had to replace it in the PACU. The second one also came out on its own about a day before they planned to take it out. I was expecting to have them put one back in, but they didn't. As long as I wasn't nauseous, I didn't need it. One less tube. I think I got rid on oxygen on Saturday or Sunday. Another tube gone.
I kept the epidural in till Monday. As long as that kept pumping, things were tolerable. It got a little dicey when it ran out and they weren't johnny on the spot with the next syringe. Adjusting to life without the morphine drip was difficult. At one point, I went for two hours waiting for the next pain shot and for my IV bag to be changed. That was the day that I had a less than satisfactory CNA who failed to pass on to the nurse that my IV was beeping and I was in pain. I dozed off around shift change and was really uncomfortable when relief finally came.
My neighbor in the beginning was a a 30 or 40 something Asian woman. Her husband was with her most of the time. They walked the halls a lot, he pushed her IV pole and held her hand--then just held her hand when she got rid of the IV. That was pure love. It made me smile just passing them in the hall. I didn't get to say good by when she checked out, but I wish them well.
I had company and phone calls, cards and flowers. I didn't have the kids set up my laptop till I'd been there about a week. I updated my Facebook status from my IPhone--just didn't have the energy for the laptop--and there was almost no way to use it comfortably for long periods of time. My memory of the last two weeks is sort of jumbled together. Suffice it to say that things are progressing as they should. If I try to pass this surgery off as "no big deal," as I have said of the last three years, someone slap me. This surgery was a big deal.
I'm on the mend and thank you all for the prayers and support.
xxooxx
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Quick check-in
I'm finally feeling well enough to open up the laptop. I was going to blog about my first week, but find I don't have the energy. Obviously, I survived surgery. It was a big deal. Surgery took about four hours. I felt like I'd been hit by a bus as I came out of anesthesia. Glenn and Elaine said the surgeon looked pretty tired when he came out to talk to them. The good news was that they got it all. I'm afraid I've been a bit of a Moaning Myrtle. Fortunately, I'm in a private room, so I'm not annoying (or annoyed by) a roommate.
More later when I'm feeling up to it.
xxooxx
More later when I'm feeling up to it.
xxooxx
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Surgery morning
I woke up at 5--don't have to be at the hospital till 10. Too bad I can't have a leisurely breakfast. Last night, Elaine and I organized way too much stuff to take to the hospital--but heaven forbid I should be bored during my stay. I have books, sudoku, knitting projects--finished my blanket last night so now I'm working on 220 inches of border. I guess I can pack up the CPAP now, because it doesn't look like I'm going to go back to sleep.
Everything will be fine. I have wonderful people taking care of me and a small army praying for me. I appreciate all of it. Being sick, really sick, has increased my capacity for gratitude. I can still be bitchy and judgmental--like the young woman at the San Bruno Bart station who was bending over, retrieving something out of a purse of backpack, and showing off miles of butt crack in the process. I so wanted to go to her and suggest that maybe she didn't want to expose quite that much skin to the elements. Maybe when I'm really old I will have to the nerve to say things like that.
I'll wash my hair, so that it has a fighting chance of looking good. It will probably be a sweaty mess by the time I'm in my room.
Oh, cool, it is after six now--that much less time to wait.
xxooxx
Everything will be fine. I have wonderful people taking care of me and a small army praying for me. I appreciate all of it. Being sick, really sick, has increased my capacity for gratitude. I can still be bitchy and judgmental--like the young woman at the San Bruno Bart station who was bending over, retrieving something out of a purse of backpack, and showing off miles of butt crack in the process. I so wanted to go to her and suggest that maybe she didn't want to expose quite that much skin to the elements. Maybe when I'm really old I will have to the nerve to say things like that.
I'll wash my hair, so that it has a fighting chance of looking good. It will probably be a sweaty mess by the time I'm in my room.
Oh, cool, it is after six now--that much less time to wait.
xxooxx
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Obligations
When Dr. Allen gave me the choice of coming home for a few days then going back to the hospital for my surgery, I opted for coming home. I had things to do. I'm anxious to get the surgery out of the way, but there were/are things I need to do. Thursday night was my chapter's monthly meeting. My Associate Matron was prepared to preside for me and my son could have taken the things that needed to be gotten to the members there, but as long as I was ambulatory and not connected to anything, It was my obligation to be there and preside. Just after I opened the meeting, I told everyone what was going on. I wanted them all to hear the same story from me. It was difficult, but I got through it. I'm, obviously, not a very private person. If People Magazine wants to know what's going on in my dreary little life, they are welcome to the information. I would rather be open and up front than have people speculating. Bless Glenn, he came with me to keep me company. Elaine has to go next month--she's getting her 25-year member pin. Lee and I got to initiate her when she was 18 and now I get to present her with her pin. I don't know how much it will mean to her, but it will be very special for me.
I didn't have a whole lot on the agenda for yesterday--paid the bills, a little grocery shopping, filling the prescription for the bowel prep kit, and knitting circle.
Today was a very full day. It started with a Lodge Installation in the morning. The retiring Master was very special to Lee, and I've been saving Lee's Past Master's ring for him. Presenting it was a very happy duty for me. Glenn has no desire to ever be Master of a lodge, so he had no use for the ring. Lee worked with Michael during the last few years of his life and was very fond of him. I can think of no finer custodian of Lee's ring than Michael. I'm smiling just remembering the morning. I am also very fond of Michael and his wife. Lee would have been so proud of the job Michael did.
I didn't stay for the luncheon after the installation--first, because I have to be very careful about what I eat this week. The last thing I want is another obstruction. The other reason I didn't stay was another obligation--a memorial service for one of our long time church members. She had Alzheimer's for the last 10 years or so, but before that, she was a crackerjack--always cheerful, always up, and smart as a whip. You never WANT to go to a funeral, but I was honored to know her and privileged to pay my respects.
I thought that was going to be it for the day--that I'd be too tired for one more outing. I was wrong. It is the third Saturday and therefore Open Mic night at our church. I missed the last two--the night of the Thanksgiving Dinner--I was too tired and in too much pain--and the day after I got home from the hospital last month. November's show, I heard, was really good. No one except the committee was there last month. It got close to 7 and I hadn't changed into my jammies yet, so I grabbed my knitting bag and decided "What the heck" and went to church. There was the committee--well, part of it, and one young man who came just to check us out. We talked him into staying and performing for us, and we're so glad we did, He was just 18, but his voice was clear and true. He sang and played the guitar. He sings stuff from the 40's to the present, but prefers the old songs. Frank Sinatra is his hero. He sang several classics and one song he wrote that was absolutely charming. I'm so glad I went out tonight. I hope he comes back and I hope we can get a better audience for him the next time. All in all, it has been a privilege to live this day.
So I'm still anxious. I have full days ahead of me to take my mind off of things, but I'm anxious.
Keep praying.
xxooxx
I didn't have a whole lot on the agenda for yesterday--paid the bills, a little grocery shopping, filling the prescription for the bowel prep kit, and knitting circle.
Today was a very full day. It started with a Lodge Installation in the morning. The retiring Master was very special to Lee, and I've been saving Lee's Past Master's ring for him. Presenting it was a very happy duty for me. Glenn has no desire to ever be Master of a lodge, so he had no use for the ring. Lee worked with Michael during the last few years of his life and was very fond of him. I can think of no finer custodian of Lee's ring than Michael. I'm smiling just remembering the morning. I am also very fond of Michael and his wife. Lee would have been so proud of the job Michael did.
I didn't stay for the luncheon after the installation--first, because I have to be very careful about what I eat this week. The last thing I want is another obstruction. The other reason I didn't stay was another obligation--a memorial service for one of our long time church members. She had Alzheimer's for the last 10 years or so, but before that, she was a crackerjack--always cheerful, always up, and smart as a whip. You never WANT to go to a funeral, but I was honored to know her and privileged to pay my respects.
I thought that was going to be it for the day--that I'd be too tired for one more outing. I was wrong. It is the third Saturday and therefore Open Mic night at our church. I missed the last two--the night of the Thanksgiving Dinner--I was too tired and in too much pain--and the day after I got home from the hospital last month. November's show, I heard, was really good. No one except the committee was there last month. It got close to 7 and I hadn't changed into my jammies yet, so I grabbed my knitting bag and decided "What the heck" and went to church. There was the committee--well, part of it, and one young man who came just to check us out. We talked him into staying and performing for us, and we're so glad we did, He was just 18, but his voice was clear and true. He sang and played the guitar. He sings stuff from the 40's to the present, but prefers the old songs. Frank Sinatra is his hero. He sang several classics and one song he wrote that was absolutely charming. I'm so glad I went out tonight. I hope he comes back and I hope we can get a better audience for him the next time. All in all, it has been a privilege to live this day.
So I'm still anxious. I have full days ahead of me to take my mind off of things, but I'm anxious.
Keep praying.
xxooxx
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Latest Scoop
For my blog readers, here's the scoop. First, a little catching up. My sister spent a few days with me after Christmas. We had a grand time--a busy one, for me, but a grand time. We walked on the beach, saw Dr. Shen, went to the zoo, saw the latest Harry Potter movie, went shopping at Stonestown, and saw The King's Speech. I saw the New Year in and on Jan 2nd had Elaine and Mark and all the grandchildren over for dinner on the 2nd. Monica and I hung out on the 4th. On the 8th, two of the Brawlers and I played for a dinner the city put on for the fire victims. All this while, I wasn't feeling particularly good, but not so particularly bad either. Sunday, after church, I started feeling bad. I took a nap in the afternoon, thinking it would go away--and, well, one of the pains did. I fixed some tomato soup for dinner. As the evening wore on, I got to feeling progressively worse. I couldn't sleep so around 3 in the morning, I called the advice nurse, who suggested I go back to the hospital. So I woke Glenn up, and we drove through the chilly night back to emergency. I had a feeling that if I went, they would keep me again, so this time I packed up everything I thought I would need. It took longer for them to see me. I had the standard blood sucked and vitals taken. Finally, the doctor came in and sent me for x-rays. At some point, I sent Glenn home to get some sleep--he had worked until 11 that night. Next on the agenda was a CT scan with IV contrast but not oral, and yes, they were going to keep me, they just needed to find a bed.
It was almost noon when I was taken back to the 7th floor. I had the same nurse I had last month. The diagnosis this time was a partial small bowel obstruction. While I'd been thinking an NG tube would be really dandy to suck the air out of my gut, I didn't have one this time. Just NPO (which, strangely enough, stands for Nothing By Mouth) for a day. Tuesday morning, I had a visit from one of the oncologists where I go for treatment. He explained that it would be scar tissue causing the problem or it could be the cancer coming back. So I had another CT scan with oral contrast this time. The scan showed that the obstruction was better, but there is a lesion on my small intestine. They recommended that I see a surgeon. The oncologist had already talked to the Dr. Shen, who performed my surgery in 08. He recommended a general surgeon. AT 7 this morning, Dr. Bruce Allen, who did my first hernia repair and my second port, was standing by my bed, talking about options. I could go home for a few days and come back for the surgery, or I could wait in the hospital. I opted for coming home. I have an Eastern Star meeting to run tomorrow night, bills to pay, and PNC interviews on Monday. I talked with my oncologist this morning. She explained what would probably happen. She recommended the surgery, because she thinks it will help, and said I'm looking at more chemo--a third kind.
So now I'm home to take care of business. My surgery is scheduled for the 20th at 11. I'm to be at the surgery center at 10. Elaine will spend the night on Wednesday and take me in. If Glenn can rearrange his work schedule, he'll be there too. I'm upset and feeling sorry for myself, but I'm also a tough old bird and will do what I have to do.
Keep praying.
xxooxx
It was almost noon when I was taken back to the 7th floor. I had the same nurse I had last month. The diagnosis this time was a partial small bowel obstruction. While I'd been thinking an NG tube would be really dandy to suck the air out of my gut, I didn't have one this time. Just NPO (which, strangely enough, stands for Nothing By Mouth) for a day. Tuesday morning, I had a visit from one of the oncologists where I go for treatment. He explained that it would be scar tissue causing the problem or it could be the cancer coming back. So I had another CT scan with oral contrast this time. The scan showed that the obstruction was better, but there is a lesion on my small intestine. They recommended that I see a surgeon. The oncologist had already talked to the Dr. Shen, who performed my surgery in 08. He recommended a general surgeon. AT 7 this morning, Dr. Bruce Allen, who did my first hernia repair and my second port, was standing by my bed, talking about options. I could go home for a few days and come back for the surgery, or I could wait in the hospital. I opted for coming home. I have an Eastern Star meeting to run tomorrow night, bills to pay, and PNC interviews on Monday. I talked with my oncologist this morning. She explained what would probably happen. She recommended the surgery, because she thinks it will help, and said I'm looking at more chemo--a third kind.
So now I'm home to take care of business. My surgery is scheduled for the 20th at 11. I'm to be at the surgery center at 10. Elaine will spend the night on Wednesday and take me in. If Glenn can rearrange his work schedule, he'll be there too. I'm upset and feeling sorry for myself, but I'm also a tough old bird and will do what I have to do.
Keep praying.
xxooxx
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas 2010
A perfectly lovely day. The rain is coming down in sheets with big, fat drops making lots of noise. I love it. When I was five years old, the last day of school before Christmas vacation (and yes, that is what it used to be called, my children), after Santa came to school and all the parties there, I remember walking home in a driving rain storm, splashing around in my boots. The sky was dark, though it was the middle of the day. Perfect. That memory is so etched in my mind that a good gully-washer makes Christmas for me. The lights and the cookies and the gifts are nice, but it is the rain that sets me in the mood.
My Christmas preparations were somewhat truncated by the week in the hospital. I got all the cards in the mail in Tuesday, and did what little shopping I had to do on Wednesday. Rebecca came over and helped decorate the tree on Tuesday afternoon. We had tomato soup and mac and cheese (baked, not out of a box), things I know I can eat with no problem. We had a lovely time and I have a beautiful tree. Yesterday, I made four different kinds of cookies. My favorite are sesame cherry cookies. I can't have nuts or seeds yet, so I had to make a few without the sesame seeds for me. I also made my Toll House cookies without walnuts for the first time in my life. I always thought that the dough was what held the nuts together. I don't have time for another week in the hospital, so I'm trying to be very careful about what and how I eat. Not an easy thing for me. I'm still eating jello and Popsicles, but I can have real food too. I'm even going to try a little green salad tonight. How's that for daring!
Christmas wishes to all my friends in the blogosphere. God Bless you.
xxooxx
My Christmas preparations were somewhat truncated by the week in the hospital. I got all the cards in the mail in Tuesday, and did what little shopping I had to do on Wednesday. Rebecca came over and helped decorate the tree on Tuesday afternoon. We had tomato soup and mac and cheese (baked, not out of a box), things I know I can eat with no problem. We had a lovely time and I have a beautiful tree. Yesterday, I made four different kinds of cookies. My favorite are sesame cherry cookies. I can't have nuts or seeds yet, so I had to make a few without the sesame seeds for me. I also made my Toll House cookies without walnuts for the first time in my life. I always thought that the dough was what held the nuts together. I don't have time for another week in the hospital, so I'm trying to be very careful about what and how I eat. Not an easy thing for me. I'm still eating jello and Popsicles, but I can have real food too. I'm even going to try a little green salad tonight. How's that for daring!
Christmas wishes to all my friends in the blogosphere. God Bless you.
xxooxx
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