A Little Trip to ER

Woke up this morning around 1:30 is screaming pain.  It took very little convincing on Ally's part to go to the hospital.  I chose her as the driver this time because Glenn was exhausted.  He works swing on Wednesdays and day on Thursday through Sunday, so that first night is a killer for him.  Allie had just gotten home, so it was easier for her.  ER was pretty empty and they took me in right away without having to faint or say chest pain, or bleed, or anything.  We didn't know if the pain was cancer, chemo, or constipation.  Once they got my pain under control, I sent Ally home to sleep.  Getting a ride home would not be a problem.  I got poked and prodded and had a scan.  Constipation won.  Two enemas and much production later I was feeling much better and ready to go home.  Dory couldn't believe it when I messaged her to come get me.  I'm tired, very tired, but feeling much better.  Don't need breakthrough meds, at least not right now, and that's a very good thing.  Think I'll have some lemonade and a nap.  Thank you, God, for an easy one this time.
xxooxx

Chemo 6.1B

Wasn't as bad as 1A.  I was in terrible pain all week,on top of my regular pain meds popping percocet like they were M&M's.  It helped somewhat.  I did get yelled at because I didn't call the office to let them know how I was feeling.  The pain could be the cancer, it could be the chemo, or is could just be constipation--or all three.  As I have learned on this journey, life is all about managing poop.  My pain meds were increased and if I'm still hurting Friday, I'll call.  I'm doing somewhat better.
Tamra from church gave me a ride downtown to get my hair cut today.  It has thinned a little and not grown much in the last 12 weeks, but a trim was nice.  Got home to see the end of the ball game--Giant's lost--Boo--but they took the series--good.  Don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow with no baseball.  Guess I'll survive.
That's it.
xxooxx

Chemo 6.1A

Just to continue on from the last post, I heard that the grandmother didn't survive the fire.  What a dreadful way to go.
Friday afternoon, I went to the knitting shop because I have found an instruction that even I can't figure out.  No luck with Kathryn, the owner, she couldn't figure it out either.  We did find a web site, so I wrote to them for help.  SINCE I was at the yarn shop, I just had to get the pattern for little fruit hats for size infant to T-2.  And yarn;.  I've made a blueberry and a strawberry.  When I got home, I ordered more fruit colors.  Yes, I do consider my hand slapped.  I ordered this yarn form the Loopy Ewe.  The awful bad thing that happened there is that I now have ordered so much from them that I have a $25.00 credit.  That means I have to order more yarn--and I've got a huge Wish List with them
I didn't feel like reading on Sunday,  Not a problem, there were backup's ready to take over, and kind sisters to keep me together.  I hate weeping through all of church, but what better place to do it.  The space is filled with people who love me deeply and care about me.  People who are willing to dry my tears. People who understand.  The worst part about crying in church is that it's hard to sing the hymns when my voice is croaky.  We had a blessing of the new trees after the service--one of the branches is in memory of Lee--followed by a reception--perhaps leftovers from the Blessing of the Animals that I didn't go to on Saturday,  No, it was a surprise Birthday Party for ME.  I've never had a really honest to goodness surprise party before--one of the disadvantages of being a control freak.  I was deeply touched.  Tears of joy leave your eyes just as red as tears of sadness, but when they dry, You have the joy left over,
Monday was MY BIRTHDAY.  I felt better for PT--not good, but better,  I was able to actually do the exercises.  Stopped at Barnes and Noble with a list of favorite authors and instead of buying a pile of books, bought a Nook.  What the hell, it's MY birthday.  I got lovely flowers from church and from my sister all the way in Scotland.  Glenn gave me a Giant's shirt--the one that says "Got MELK?"  I love it.  I talked to Cindy for a long time--she thinks we're doing the right thing and agreed to write a letter for the cause and see what she could do about getting letters from other friends.  I learned much in that conversation that I really didn't want to know, but really needed to know.  Elaine left a message while I was talking to Cindy,  I appreciated it, but haven't called her back.  My friend Andrea came in the afternoon and we had a nice, spiritual time together.  The only sad thing is that she can't be my executor, so I'll have to put more thought into that.
We had a fun Birthday Dinner at Red Robin (where Ally works).  Monica wasn't feeling well, so it was just Glenn, Dory, Ally, and I.  We had a tower of Onion Rings, various burgers, and an Ice Cream Cake.  I'm not used to eating a lot after breakfast.  I felt like the Pillsbury Dough Boy--but we had a great time--with NO drama.  I know I wanted to be an actress for must of my young life, but I wanted to be a comedienne, do musical comedy,
Tuesday it was time for my new chemo--Navelbine.  I had them schedule me in the morning so that Glenn could have some of his time off for himself.  So we presented ourselves at 10:30.  They had problems accessing my port--I knew the hospital should have used it.  It gets little tiny clots that stick in the tubing when they are trying to get blood return.  I try various positions and they shoot it full of saline and Drano--eventually whatever is there pops, the get blood return, and they can start the process.  I haven't had any kind of chemo since Glenn's birthday--hospital should have used it--it would have saved me a big ugly bruise.  Anyway, since I hadn't had chemo is so long, my numbers were pretty good--except CA125 which is now over 100.  The good newses about my numbers being OK and that I could go ahead with chemo as planned and didn't need a procrit shot.  I got a small bag of premeds--zofran and dexamethesone, usually.  Then out comes the chemo.  It usually comes in a quart bag.  This was in a large Syringe that hooked onto the tubing and was infused over four or five minutes.  After that, I got a small bag of saline, and we were off.  Maybe the quickness of it makes up for the fact that I have to have it three Tuesdays in a row.  It better be working, because I've felt terrible since they started infusing it.  Not fair.  I sure hope it is working, because I feel terrible.  As soon as we got home, I took 2 percocets and a lorazapam and went to sleep.  Glenn got me up at 2 for an appointment with my PCP--who has become Monica, Dory, and Glenn's PCP too.  It was a follow up from the hospital.
Wednesday was a Mark day,  Glenn and Ally didn't want me to try BART, so they lined up a ride downtown for me with my friend Roberta.  I do feel warm fuzzys for the way they take care of me.  Wednesday afternoon, Victoria and Iris came to visit.  It was a lovely time,  I can see little changes in her still tiny little person.  I had a surprise for Victoria.  I started a photo album of her from the time I first met her--she was about 10 days old--my Grandmother and I flew down to Santa Barbara for the day)--until she was about 2.  I think there are more pictures in that book than our mother took of our whole childhood--and I'm jst the Aunt!.  Anyway, I asked her if she would like to have it, since she would get it eventually.  She got a little teary nad said "But it's yours!"  I told her I din't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't pull it out every day and look at it.  I thought since she now had a daughter of her own, it would be nice to make the comparisons.  I think she was happy to take it.  At least I hope so.
Thursday was Dr. Shen, the Gynological Oncologist.  He just feels around and say come back in 4 months and wish he could make my pain go away.  So do I.  Ride for that was Vicki,.
Friday was a late birthday dinner with my dear friends Gloriann and Vaughn,  We're still laughing over things we did in the 70's.  Old, dear friends are the best.
All this while, the Giants have stepped up to their job as a major part of my recovery therapy.  There's beem a little more drama than necessary, but they have been winning.  Makes me happy.
So here it is--or was--the Third Saturday of the Quarter and time for OMNAB.  I didn't want to go--I still feel pretty crappy--but a local piano teacher was using our Open Mic Night to give her students a chance to play.  I figured short people could use all the audience they could get.  I took my knitting and it helped for canceling Knitting Circle last night.
Well that's it, you are up to the minute, more or less.  I've even managed to take care of necessary Chapter business--Grand Chapter reports, Quarterly taxes to the EDD.  I'm on top of things.  Have I typed the minutes from June yet?  Uh.........
Well. time to get ot bed.
xxooxx

WTF?

Let's start with the good stuff.  After church and a dreadful Giant's game on Sunday, I set off for Richmond, to meet Miss Iris Gabrielle Wyatt.  Victoria's pictures are better than mine, but here goes:

I held Iris for hours.  How lucky I was to meet her when she is so tiny.  It will be exciting to watch her grow and develop into her own person, but there is nothing more precious than holding a tiny, tiny baby.  And this tiny baby is mine!  Well, I have to share her with her parents, her half brother and half sister (who has already declared that Iris is her real sister), my sister and brother-in-law, and, of course, Brian's family.  But she's a new member of my family, too, and I treasurer her.  I wasn't feeling my best, but there is nothing better than a warm little body on your chest to make you feel better.  I hated to go home, but knew I had to.  I will see Iris again.

Monday I was feeling less good.  I had a PT appointment and could barely walk into the room.  No exercises for me.  I got a massage, then spent 15 minutes lying on heat on my neck and shoulders.  That felt good.  The massage was practice for Sonoma.  Monica, Glenn, and I had an appointment in Concord at John Muir in the afternoon. It was a very productive meeting.  They are professionals and know what they are doing.  We got some homework.  I will call them next Monday and make the next appointment.  I particularly liked the way they took the burden off my shoulders.  We talked about my upcoming trip to Sonoma.  They thought that was a wonderful thing I was doing for myself.  I did too.  I had my treatments memorized.  My skin was just waiting to suck up every bit of cream it could find.

Tuesday morning, I felt worse than Monday.  It was not hot, but I sweated heavily through breakfast.  I was trying to get the last few details of my suitcase packed, and I really felt bad.  Trouble breathing, heart palpitations (after I looked them up because people are always asking me if I have them.  It was looking like Sonoma wasn't going to happen.  I called my doctor's (PCP) office, and the word there was to go straight to emergency.   I called the Spa to cancel my appointments for that day--then we decided I should cancel everything.  They would take care of canceling my hotel reservation.

Glenn was otherwise engaged--he'd agreed to get Gretchen and Jim to the airport for their trip to
Scotland. We would babysit their truck while they were gone.  The time that they were coming by coincided with when I had to leave.  No problem, my wonderful Ally was there.  I had to mail the annual report and pick up a prescription, so I thought we could go by CVS.  At the last minute, I handed the envelope to Glenn and asked him to mail it.  The prescription would wait.  Ally needed gas, so we took care of that, then off to the hospital.  We got the last parking space in the emergency lot and managed to get into the building.  There was someone at the admitting desk, so we had to wait.  That didn't take very long.  It was our turn and we got to the desk and sat down.  I could feel everything closing in on me, so I put my arm and head down on the desk.  The next thing I knew, there were about five nurses and Ally, trying to get me onto a bed--we all managed, and they whisked me into one of the special rooms.  I was bone weary.  They got me into a hospital gown and got an IV started.  There followed the usual tests.  EKG, chest x-ray, chest CT.  I had needles in each arm.  Because I have cancer, my blood tests as though there might be an embolism, hence the CT.  Nothing showed up there.  The Doctor actually asked me if I wanted to stay or go home.  Go home?  Are you kidding me?  What if it happens again?  No, they kept me for two nights.  Good thing we canceled Sonoma.  I had a head CT Wednesday morning, then an EEG around noon.  Both tests were perfect.  My doctor wasn't sure I'd had a seizure.  She thinks it was a vasovagal episode, brought on by stress.  OK, well THAT will be really easy to eliminate from my life.  Glenn brought me home yesterday afternoon.  I'm discovering the benefits of Atavan.  I kind of wanted to stay at the hospital--I felt safe there.  But I'm home.  I got through a few errands today with nothing amiss.  I even cooked most of dinner--I did the chops and baked potatos and Glenn cooked the green stuff.  Tomorrow will be better.                                                                                                                                      
I trust Gretchen and Jim got to Scotland safely.  Every fire engine in and around town was rushing up Monetary Drive, sirens blaring.  Heard in the news it was a fire on Lake Drive.  A two year old baby was killed.  Prayers for the surviving grandmother and parents.  Maybe tomorrow will be quieter.

xxooxx                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

If you Wanna Feel Better...

If you wanna feel better, just look at a baby.  And I have one to look at!  Things have been tense, and probably will be for the foreseeable future.  I'm hurting.  I have plenty of pain meds, but I don't really like taking too much.  I also don't like hurting.  It's a balancing act.
In the midst of all the Strum und Drang, my niece, Victoria, and brightened up my life by producing Miss Iris Gabrielle Wyatt.  Iris was due on the 23rd, but came early.  She popped out July 2 at 9:10 in the morning.  Well, I don't think she exactly popped out.  Victoria was in labor for a while.  Victoria and Brian posted pictures on Facebook, and Gretchen, a very happy Grandma, sent me several.  Iris is a beautiful little bit of a person.  I look at the pictures and just smile.  I think I don't hurt quite as much when I look at her little face.  I want to be around for her important firsts.  Her college graduation and wedding would be nice, but I think that would be pushing it, even if I weren't sick.  Thank you, Victoria and Brian, for giving me a reason to smile, and thank you, God, for a safe delivery of the precious new member of the family

Happy Grandma Day and not Such Good News

Stress level has been pretty high since the last blog.  I started out with a delightful hour with Jenn Davis and her almost two yer old daughter.  I got to pat the impending baby, who, we found out on the 25th, will be a little brother.  He's due in the winter.  The time with my therapist was helpful, as was the next day with my Stephen Minister and the day after that with my oncologist.  It helps to have people to listen and it helps to talk.

I was going to take Glenn to a belated birthday lunch on the 25th, but I was really sick after physical therapy, so he got a rain check--or in this case, a puke check--I took zofran and a nap and didn't eat anything.  Monica came over in the afternoon and we did some talking about the elephant in the room.  Something has to be done.  My therapist, Mark the wonderful, doesn't really want me involved, but I can talk with Monica and Glenn and help to stratagize.  Monica needed to talk with her therapist, so the next conversation will be after that.  In the mean time, I had a date with Monica for the 27th to take her to Golden Gate Park--a place she wasn't the least bit familar with.  She asked if Becca and Ryan could come too.  My answer was absolutely!

So Wednesday morning, a little after 10, I went to the other grandmother's house and picked up a carfull of grandchildren.  I wanted to go by way of the ocean, but Great highway is still closed, so I had to drive around side streets till we got to Lincoln.  I got to start where I wanted.  First stop, the windmill.  The girls had not tols Ryan where we were going, so he was a little miffed, but when we got there, he was a happy camper.

We got out for the first stop.  Monica loves photography--all aspects of photography.  She takes wonderful pictures.  That said, I'm only showing you MY pictures, because it is MY blog.  Monica took many pictures--I took a few--at least at the windmill.



I had a sort of vague plan of what I wanted to show them for this first trip.  We piled back in the car and drove east.  The next stop was the Buffalo Paddock.  They are sort of mangy looking--I don't think I've ever seen the Golden Gate Park Buffalo when they weren't shedding, but hey, there are Buffalo--well,l Bison--in San Francisco.  Who cares how attractive they are.


 

The Buffalo Paddock is apparently also the Gopher Paddock, although the gophers are rather less well fenced.. 



Gopher House



Gopher checking things out





Gopher getting braver

 We decided to leave the questionable charms of Gopherville.  Back in the car.  The original plan was Stow Lake, but I missed the well marked turn.  We hung a U and started back, when right before our very eyes was a handicapped parking space right in front of the Rose Garden.  That was God saying "Park here for the rest of the day."  So we parked.  Monica, Ryan, and I went crazy taking pictures.  The one who likes having her picture taken the most took some with her Iphone.  Here are some of mine:

The Rose beds were somewhat past their prime, so finding good blossoms for close up shots was a challange.  Here's the group, halfway through the Rose Garden.

Becca's favorite color is purple, so we found purple roses for a backdrop for her:

After the roses, we crossed the road and started on our walk.  I still wanted to take them to Stow Lake, but it was almost lunch time, and the Japanese Tea Garden was handy, so we went east instead of west.  We didn't cover every inch of the garden, but we went through a great deal of it.  We stopped at the Tea House first.  Becca and I had Miso Soup, Monica and Ryan and sandwiches (well, we slared those), we all had cookies and a beverage--three teas and something exotic for Monica.

One of the really impressive features of the Tea Garden is the Bridge.  I climbed over the Bridge as a little girl, as a teenager, as a young girl in my twenties,  So here is Ryan on top of the Bridge:

Here's Becca, thinking about it:

This is what it looks like when you are ready to take it on:

I did it.  I climbed the Bridge.  Of course my thigh muscles are still sore from some of the stretches, but I did it.  Up and over.  It's easier when you are about eight.  But I did it!
After that, we'd pretty much done the Tea Garden, at least for this trip.  We went out, around the front of the Band Shell, and over to the Hall of Sciences.  The kids went through the Earthquake exhibit while I rested and caught up on the Giants game (they won, 3-0, thereby sweeping the Dodgers).  We went through the Rain Forest exhibit and then visited some of the fish.  The Planetarium show was sold out (I think that's called dodging a bullet), so we have to keep that for another trip.  We looked at the Pendulum for a while, but we weren't near the hour, so it would be a long wait to watch it knock over a peg.  We went to say hello to White Guy--White Guy has a real name, but I can't remember it and I do remember White Guy:

We paid a few obligatory gift shop visits, then headed back to the car.  It was by now around four.  It had been a long day, but an incredibly beautiful one.  I include this last picture, not because it is such a great picture of the back of the deYoung Museum, but it shows how clear the sky was on an unbelieble San Francisco Summer Afternoon.

Back into the car, headed for home.  This time, I saw the Stow Lake sign, so I drove around it, just to give them a hint of the next trip.  I dropped off three very tired grandchildren.  I rewarded myself with a stop at the donut shop on the way home.  I was pretty tired too.

I had to get up at 5:30 Thursday morning to have my breakfast eaten before six--cenreal with milk and blueberries and V-8 juice--no coffee.  I went back to sleep for about an hour, jumped into my clothes, and left for Mills Hospital by 7:30.  Crystal Springs Road is still closed for repair, so once again, I had to use a circuituous route.  I got to Radiology by 8, got my contrast beverage to drink--three cups over 40 minutes, got the scan--with IV contrast--and was on my home well before 10.  I slept from 11 to 3, then 4:30 to 7.  Watched the Giants win again, and slept some more.  I wasn't as tired today.  I knit--almost finished Monica's Sunset Print socks--and I read.  Dr. Chee called me around 5.  The scan was not good.  So much for Gemzar.  The new chemo (this will be #6) is a 28 day cycle, with infusions on days 1, 8, and 15, and a check up on day 22.  Because I have my reservation for Sonoma starting the 10th, I get to hold off till the 17th.  This is good.  I'll have my spa time and my birthday feeling reasonably well.  Victoria's baby is ready to be born any day, so maybe I'll even see my new great niece feeling good.  Actually, I think anytime I see my great niece I will feel good--babies just put out this great vibe.
So that's it--more twisty paths for this journey of ours.  Thank you for hanging with me.  I know there are several of you out there who follow my story.  Feel free to comment--even if it's just to say "Hi!"  I know you are praying for me, I do feel that warm blanket.  I'm feeling pretty good, which just means that the pain is well controlled.  I get occassional twinges, but I have stuff for that.  Dr. Chee says the new stuff will make me tired.  Good thing I did the Bridge on Wednesday.  I can deal with tired.
I just spell-checked today's epistle.  Either it's broken or I've learned to spell in my old age!
xxooxx

Chemo 5.5.2 and Glenn's Birthday

I see it's another of those catch up blogs.  Just remember, if there's no blog, it probably means I haven't done much.  I'll try to catch up.
I was supposed to have chemo May 29.  Platelets were low, so I didn't. I saw my primary care doctor on the first.  She started me on a new anti-depressant.  It has one little side effect--severe nausea.   I have drugs for that too.  She also sent my to physical therapy, thinking that the breathing problem has something to do with my chest muscles.  so I go once a week now.  I have exercises and get my back and neck massaged.  Not bad.
I had a little dinner party for Dory on June 4.  Her birthday is the 10ty, but she was going to be out of town.  We had salad and French Onion Soup--and birthday cake.  The 5th was the postponed chemo.  For the first time, it started hurting as soon as it got in.  Because I've been flunking my day 8 blood test on a pretty regular basis, Dr. Chee lowered my chemo dose and put me on day 1 and day 15.  It works out to every other week now.  I had a gollow up with my PCP on the 6th.  She kept me on the new drug, even with the nausea and took me off prozac.  I've been taking that for almost 10 years.  Coming off of it has been ok.
Glenn went on vacation for a week, leaving on the 7th.  I asked him who would take me to the hospital in the middle of the night.  He asked if I was planning on going--I told him no, but I didn't plan on it the last few times either.  I managed just fine.  My sister came up on the 9th.  We went to a shower for Victoria on the 10th.  The baby is due in four weeks--excitement is building.  Victoria looks great.  She got her EDD from Davis on the 13th,  We're very proud of her.  Gretchen and I went to see Madascar 3 and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel on Monday.  Both great movies.
Say Cardiologist #1 on the 15th--all is well.  I've somehow lost an inch in height and 10 pounds.  Happy about the pounds--not so much about the height.
Today It's 3 minutes to Wednesday as I type) was chemo 5.2.  It was also Glenn's birthday.  We were going to take things easy because of the chemo, but Elaine wanted to come over to celebrate.  She wasn't feeling well and we should have kept with the original plan.  It was an evening of drama that I'd just rather not blog about.  I'm bery happy that I see my therapist tomorrow.  Enough said.
I'm going to have a visitor in the morning.  One of my favorite Job's Daughters, Jenn Neal Davis is in town and will come by with her little girl before i leave to see the therapist.  That will be a very pleasant time.
That's it.  You're caught up.  I'll try to lead a more interesting life.  I'm still working my way through the boxes of yarn.  I gave Becca her latest pair of socks tonight and I started sock 2 of the next pair.  The yarn is called Gingerbread, and it is one of the prettiest I've worked with so far.  Now that's it.
xxooxx