Not as far behind as I thought

Glenn had to work the Tuesday that I left, so I packed the dead body the night before and he put it in the trunk.  I got the rest of my things ready to go Tuesday morning, then wondered how I was going to get them all downstairs.  I had my computer, CPAP, snacks, books, and yarn--I alawys plan on doing ever so much more than I end up doing, but I need plenty of toys.  Just as I was about to start schlepping stuff down, Leo got home.  He took it all down in a heartbeat.  Thank you, Leo.
The traffic was very light.  I got to Sonoma somewhat after 1.  I was greeted by the Bellman, who put all my stuff on his cart and took me to my room--181 which we had figured would be perfect on my last trip.  I didn't have to check in at the front desk or anything.  And the room was ready!  I always let them know I will be an early check-in, but it has never been that smooth.  I grabbed a swim suit and slippers and went to the spa.  I did not use the golf cart because the spa was right across the road from my room.  I checked in and was given my locker key.  Inside my locker was a bag containing Elli, the Lavender Elephant, and a sweet note from the Spa Fairies  There was another lady in the locker room who asked why I got a present.  I said, "I'm special."  I found out later that they went to considerable pains to get Elli.  She was the very first one, before they got their shipment.  They really do sweet things for me.
First thing on the program was a Watsu at 2:45 from Lani.  Lani is very nice, but she just isn't Soledad.  I had a little nap when I was supposed to be knitting, then I had a Sonoma Stone Massage from David.  David is one of my favorites.  He finally has a woman in his life.  I'm pleased about that.  I could barely walk after the massage--I had the wall holding me up on one side and David on the other.  He walked me back to the locker room--good thing, I was pretty wobbly.  I changed and went back to my room, then off to the Big 3 for dinner, and the shock of the vacation.  They have taken out the Market.  It was a delightful place to nose around and pick up sundries.  They turned it into a lounge, complete with wide screen TVs.  There is now no place to get sundries at the hotel.  There is the Spa Boutique, but it isn't the same.  I had dinner then back to the room, where I stayed up too late.
Wednesday morning started with Lemon cottage cheese pancakes for breakfast.  I don't like pancakes and I don't like cottage cheese, but I love these.  Generally, Lori takes care of me for breakfast.  I started the day at the spa with a Spicy Gingerbread scrub and massage.  It is wonderful,  You smell like a gingerbread cookie and want to eat yourself.  That was at 10:15.  The yummy smell only lasted so long--at 12:45 I had a Lavender Kur.  that is not to imply that you do not smell heavenly after the Lavender Kur--you just don't smell like a cookie.  I had a facial at 3:15
Thursday was a very full day.  10:15 Watsu with Glenn, 12:45 Rejuvenating Kur with Diane, 3:15 Tandem Massage with Diane and David--a totally sinful treatment, then at 4:30, Reiki with reflexology with Diane.  My Reiki with Diane is better than a CT scan.  She knows more about what is going on inside me than my doctor does.
Friday started with a 10:15 Watsu with Laura--Laura's Watsus are pretty fantastic.  12:45 Talasso Spirulina Kur--not the most glamorous treatment, but it sure makes your skin feel good.  At 4:30 I had a Thai Massage with Sharon.  I usually get them with Bill, but he's on disability--didn't stop him from hanging around the spa, but he just couldn't give treatments.
Saturday I had my pancakes again, and then packed up and checked out.  My day was spent in the salon, fingers, toes, and a wonderful hair and scalp treatment when Rudolfo was finished, because i couldn't move.  I stopped at the spa boutique to say good by.  This time I tool the golf cart back to valet parking.  They poured me into my car and filled the trunk.  Somehow I made it home without crashing into anyone, and somehow I make it home in the time I told Glenn it would take.  I was a puddle of muush.  I celebrated my homecoming with a crown coming out.  Yippee.
Church was kind of lonely on Sunday.  Most of the women were at Westminster Woods for the Women's retreat.  It has never appealed to me.  I went there once when I was in the 9th grade.
Monday the 28th was chemo.  This one is really quick.  The only side effect I've noticed is an itchy rash.  I have prednisone to treat that.  Tuesday, my friends Karen and Ted came and brought lunch.  Next month we will have known each other for 50 years.  I went to the dentist in the afternoon and got my crown re cemented.  Not bad.
Saturday was Barbara DeLand's memorial service.  It was harder on me than I expected.  The last time I saw Barbara, I was leaving after an appointment with Dr. Chee and Barbara was going for chemo.  She got pneumonia shortly after that and went quite quickly.  Barbara had bone cancer.  I think she was diagnosed sometime after I was.  The memorial service reminded me that I too have a terminal illness.  I don't feel like I'm going to die soon, but there's always that illness hanging over my head.  Glenn and I had planned on going to First Saturday dinner at Sue Bullis's new house.  I just didn't have the energy.
Sunday, my nose bled all through church.  The worst was when it dripped on my dress.  It was Super Bowl Sunday, and at least the blood was 49er's colors.  Ken and Roberta Henry wouldn't let me drive myself home.  In fact, they wouldn't let me stay home.  Roberta drove me home to pick up my knitting and Ken drove my car home.  After that, they took me to emergency to get my nose taken care of.  We called Glenn, who said he'd be right there.  I got my nose cauterized again and my blood sucked.  All my numbers were low--that would explain the exhaustion.  We sent the Henrys home in time for kick off.  In fact, Glenn got me home in time for kick off.  He went off to watch the game with friends.  I slept till sometime in the third quarter.  We lost, so it really wasn't worth waking up.
Monday, Suzanne called me from the Cancer Center with my appointment for a transfusion on Wednesday.  What a good idea.  It took some work getting there and back.  My car was in the shop with an oil leak.  It all worked out.  Glenn got me there and Ellen Kross from church picked me up and took me home.  I had lots of projects with me.  I slept most of the time.  I got two units of red cells.  I've been resting most of the time since then, but I think I do feel better.
That catches me up, I think.  I saw Dr. Chee today.  She set me up for procrit again and wants me to see a nephrologist--that will be March 1.  So there we are.  Wednesday is Elaine's birthday.  I sent her a letter.  I couldn't let it go by without some acknowledgement.  Hope she's doing well.
xxooxx

Quality of Life

It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, possibly because it is something my oncologist and i talk about.  I know the smart thing is to focus on the things I can still do and not on the things I can't do any more.  I can knit, and I do that quite well.  I can read.  i can still cook when I want to.  I put on a birthday dinner for Ally last night that was lovely.  Green salad, mashed potatoes (which turned out to be her brother Danny's almost favorite food), Prime Rib, and birthday cake--store bought.  It wasn't hard.  We used the good china and the silver and the good crystal.  I did the prep work, cooking, and cleaning.  I was tired, but I would have been tired before I got sick.
Victoria posted pictures of her and Brian and Iris hiking Mt. Tam today.  the pictures were beautiful, but it broke my heart.  I could no more do that anymore than fly.  And I used to love to hike.  When i was a little girl, my Mother said I was part mountain goat.  I would go right up the side of the hill.
I had my big adventure last week.  I took Bart downtown by myself and walk to my therapist's office and reversed the process, but the next day, climbing up four stairs wiped me out and I was gasping.
Dr. Zipkin suggested I work my way back, and I should try that, walking around Tanforan until the weather improves.  This girl hiked the Plane of Six Glaciers 7 years ago and won a BMW (Burly Mountain Woman) certificate!  Once again, I wasn't sick and weighed 30 pounds less.
So quality of life.  I'm surrounded by people who love me--that's a good thing.  I can still set the fiddle on fire--that's a good thing.  I can make Christmas cookies--that's good or bad, depending on who eats them.  My nose seems to have stopped bleeding--that's a very good thing.  I can't go for a walk in the woods.  That makes me sad.  Allow me some time to mourn for what I can't do, then I'll be myself again.
I'm off to Sonoma on Tuesday--that should perk me up.
xxooxx

So it's 2013 Already

Where to start.  I finished the sweater for the babysitter--quite nice.  I'm sure she will be pleased.  I got a commission for another baby sweater and Ally would like a sweater for her birthday.  I can do that.  She won't have it on her birthday, which is Saturday, but it's the thought that counts.  She picked it out of a new book that I'm anxious to try, so all in all, it will be an enjoyable project.  I'm working on a sweater for Iris--out of yarn on hand.  I went to 9 Rubies on Monday and only bought knitting needles--though I did lust over some incredibly beautiful yarn that goes for $47.00/hank.  At that price, it had better be beautiful!
Boxing day scan--not bad but not good.  the mass is still growing slowly, but we've had two scans with it growing.  So we are now on chemo #8, Alimta.  It's quick.  I didn't have my last infusion of Avastin.  The day I was supposed to get it, my blood pressure was too high.  The day they postponed it to, Dr. Chee changed me to the new stuff.  What I notice is that I can walk just a little bit further before I start gasping.  Life is not all bad.
The new washer arrived and is working well.  Unfortunately, I also had to get a new water heater and a new dishwasher.  It has been an expensive month.
Yesterday, I had lunch with my new friend from Connecticut--the one I make wool mittens for.  She was out here visiting her daughter.  We had a delightful time.  I also had two doctor appointments.  My nose started bleeding last week.  I called Dr. Chee about it on Friday.  She had me go to the hospital for a CBC.  She didn't call me back with the results, but it kept bleeding, off and on, so Friday night, Glenn took me to emergency.  They cauterized it, which was not at all pleasant--or effective.  One of the doctors I saw Monday was my primary care.  She didn't seem too concerned.  I also have another bleeding site for which she sent me off to see a gastro-entorologist.  He prescribed a powder that seems to be helping.  Also have an itchy rash on my chest and neck--got a cream for that--it isn't working as fast as the powder.
During all of this, I've been working my buns off for the chapter.  I typed up a new roster that I hope will convert to mailing labels, and did all the end of year taxes.  That was fun.
So now we're caught up to the middle of the month.  I'm off to Sonoma next week.  I need the rest.
xxooxx

Christmas

Christmas Eve was lovely.  I read fro the King James Version, which always pleases certain members of the congregation.  I think I have to read from The Message on Sunday and I'm afraid the words may stick in my throat.  It's sort of a hippy-dippy Bible--about as far as you can get from the poetry of the KJV.  Maybe I'll take my KJV, just in case.
Christmas was delightful.  Glenn let me sleep in.  I got up around 10 and made waffles for him--about the only family tradition we have for Christmas.  We exchanged gifts, then I took a nap.  We drove to Victoria's in a driving rain storm--my idea of perfect Christmas weather.  Gretchen's whole family was there, and that was delightful.  I don't see Kyle that often, and he is my favorite nephew.  Chaia and Cassidy liked their hats and mittens.  I think I'll do the same thing for Kyle--I have yarn left and an adult pattern. Iris was a delight to play with.  Her little personality is starting to emerge.
Dinner was nice and there was NO DRAMA.  It was just a pleasant time with dearly loved family.
Wednesday noon, I had a CT scan.  It took six tries and the head doctor to finally get it started,  Just before the IV, Paul, a Technician, brought out a Teddy Bear, a gift to me from the hospital foundation.  I was touched and never needed it more.  They tried to get blood our of each wrist--eventually succeeding,  I wasn't screaming, but I did have tears flowing down my face.  Paul was helping with the IV and the other Tech was rubbing my head and my back and trying to take my mind off the pain  It was pretty exhausting--and i have these things every two months.
Gretchen came over in the late afternoon--good thing--the scan took longer than usual.  We decided it was not a movie night, so we fixed leftovers and had an early night.
Thursday was expensive.  We went to Home Depot and finally bought a new washer.  It was expensive, but a very peasant experience.  Each store worker we had anything to do with was knowledgeable, polite, friendly, and a delight doing business with. On man even brought me a scooter to ride around in the store when I started gasping for breath.  After we took care of the major purchase, we went to Tanforan and the movie theatres.  We saw Les Miz.  I wish I'd brought a towel--there were a lot of tears.  It was outstanding.  We were going to see The Hobbit--on the whole, glad we changed our minds.  Besides. I got hit with pretty bad pain Thursday night.  I couldn't have handled anything else.  I increased my paid meds and am beginning to feel a little better.
Monica came oer on Friday afternoon  She gave us a report on the status of things at home--about the sand.  But the big news is that Mark has a job!  A real tax paying, above board,, job!  May he keep it forever!
That's about it.  I started on a sweater for Victoria's day-care provider.  I was even able to use yarn on hand!  Yea!  The pile decreases!
That's it--time to sleep.
xxooxx

Advent 2012

I haven't done much because I'm tired all the time.  Well, that's not quite right.  I've done lots of knitting--not enough, because the yarn in the yarn cave is breeding.  Monica came over for an afternoon a couple of weeks ago.  We made a quick trip to get Glenn's Christmas present then just hung out at the house.
I went to a Masonic installation in Alameda on the 8th.  My former boss, Steve, was installed Senior Deacon.  I've been following his career in the line, because I got him into Masonry.  He had wanted to join for a while.  It took me some time to get someone in the East Bay to get in touch with him, but I did it.  I'd like to be around when he is installed Master--that's three more years.  We'll see.  Outside of the exhaustion, I'm doing pretty well.  I'm not in much pain at all.  I have a CT scan on Boxing Day and a follow-up appointment on New Year's Eve.  That will tell me how I'm doing.
I've had tons of appointments--sometimes that's how I tell what day it is--by what doctor I'm seeing.  I actually forgot a couple of appointments.  Now I study the calendar carefully to make sure I know who I'm seeing and what time I'm seeing them.  I didn't get my sixth Avastin infusion because my blood pressure was too high.  That gives me two extra weeks t recover from all the chemo I've had this year.  That's actually the only excuse they can find for my exhaustion.  My heart's fine, lungs are fine, blood count is fine.  Half a flight of stairs and I'm gasping for breath.  It's annoying, because I really like to walk.  The friend who has been driving me downtown for my haircuts moved to Oregon the beginning of the month.  I thought about taking BART downtown, but I know I can't walk from the Montgomery station to Union Square.  I drove myself and parked in the Union Square garage.  By the time I got to the salon, I was fighting for breath--about half a block.  Outside of the one little trip with Monica, I did no Christmas shopping.
Glenn and I got our Christmas tree on the 17th--just after I didn't have Avastin.  We found a tiny space when it wasn't raining.  Getting the tree usually takes much thought.  This year we went into the lot, looked at maybe two trees and picked out one we liked.  We looked at a few others, just to make sure, but it was a great tree.  We had them put on a stand that holds water--that we may or may not remember to fill from time to time, threw it on the truck, stopped at the pharmacy to pick up my new blood pressure medicine, and came home.  God bless Glenn, he's such a prince.  It was a struggle for him to get the tree in the house, but he did it.  I did most of the tree trimming-the first time I've done my own tree since 2006.  I had knee surgery in the beginning of December 07 and got some of the kids from church to trim it for me.  08 was the year Al Sweetman kidnapped Glenn to get a tree--see the blog about that and the Bethany Elves that did the trimming.  Granddaughters have trimmed it the last few years.  I was pretty proud of myself.  Here's the finished product:

We're happy with it.  Ally helped me a little, but I had most of it done before she got home.  She and her brother have gone to Oregon to spend Christmas with their sister.
Last Sunday we planned a memorial for the church members we've lost this year.  It worked out well as we also used it as a memorial for the teachers and children who were killed in Connecticut.  I played the theme from Schindler's list while people lit candles in memory of the people they had lost.
It being December, I'm also lay reader.  I signed up for next December, too, and hope and pray that I'll be alive to do it.
So that's it.  Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.  I will read from the King James version of the Bible.  The language is so beautiful and so familiar.  Glenn and I are going to Victoria's for Christmas dinner.  It will be delightful to enjoy Iris's first Christmas.
xxooxx

Sneaking in on the end of the Month

I think there was a time when I blogged every day.  I think that's ancient history.
There was Jennifer's installation on the 11th.  it was a very long day.  I had to get to Antioch early because they have a Veteran's Day parade down the main street--and that would be where the Masonic Temple is.  I got a good spot on a side street and knit until the temple was opened  We had installation practice, then I knit until it was time to change for the installation.  It was nice, as installations go.  The retiring Worthy Matron was quite old and feeble, but when it came to Ritual, she was top notch.  After seeing so many people read their work, it was really nice to hear it done well--and done from memory.
I left shortly after the installation was over.  It was already getting dark, and it had been a long day.  I got home a little after six--in time to catch a showing of The Return of the King.  I cried buckets.  I was supposed to be packing, too, because I was finally going to Sonoma.  I managed to throw everything together.  I made great time and made it there in plenty of time for my first treatment.  I was there four nights and five days.  That's a lot of pampering and loving.  I've been trying to get back there since July with no luck.  They still have my "Welcome Back, Anne" sign, which tickles me.  I wonder if the other guests wonder "Who's Anne, and why does she get a sign," but I don't care.  I love them, they love me, life is good.
I got home in time to cook the turkeys for our annual church Thanksgiving Dinner.  I had a lot of help and mostly just directed.  My math was a little off, so I way over seasoned the stuffing, but other than that, things were good.  I love filling the church with the smells of Thanksgiving.
Glenn and I postponed our celebration so we could have guests.  We ordered Chinese on Thursday.  Our preferred restaurant was closed, which is a good thing for them.  The food wasn't bad, just not as good as it could have been.  We had our celebration on Saturday.  Monica came over in the morning and helped me get the bird ready.  She hung out for the afternoon and let me take a much needed nap.  Ally joined us, as well as my friends Janis and Sam, who are moving to Oregon next month.  A delightful time was had by all.  I should entertain more.  I have lovely things and I like using them.  Of course, entertaining takes work, which takes energy, and I'm short on that.  I had a treatment Monday, have a doctor appointment this afternoon, and an echocardigram tomorrow--to see if that explains the lack of energy.  Elaine is having surgery on her neck tomorrow, but I don't have the necessary information, like where and what time.  I'm torn.  I should be there, but at the same time, I don't know how she would fee about it.  I'll keep the cardiology appointment.
That's it.  Hasn't been terribly exciting, but I'm still above ground, so that's a good thing.
xxooxx

More Catching Up

It's hard to keep up when you are on the road--then recovering from being on the road.  October 15, I had my third round of Avastin and a Vitamin B-12 shot, hoping to get some energy.  It didn't seem to do much good.  Anyway, Tuesday, Dory and I were off to Fresno.  She did all the driving. bless her.  I could have helped out, but she didn't need me to, so I didn't.  Getting registered at the hotel for Grand Chapter is always a bit of a trial.  Somehow, the hotel never knows that there are going to have a zillion people checking in all at the same time, all with tons of stuff, all needing assistance with their stuff.  It tends to bring out the very worst side of people.  I'm pretty patient, as long as I have my knitting to entertain me.  Eventually, we snagged a bellman and got to our room--about as far away from the elevator as we could get.  OK, I would just take a few extra stops on the way to the convention center.  We had a phone call from the hotel, asking us if everything was all right.  I mentioned the distance from the elevator.  Not to worry, they arranged to move us and sent up a bellman who took us to another room--right across from the elevator.  Points in their favor.
We managed a lot of baseball watching and were not disappointed.  Throughout our vacation, the Giants managed to win it all and keep things very exciting.  Somehow, we managed to see most of it.
This was my 31st Grand Chapter.  It is good to see friends from throughout the state.  It was exhausting because of my lack of stamina.  I would walk a little, start gasping for air, rest, then walk a little more. This meant that I gave myself extra time to get anywhere.  Saturday afternoon was Big Game--in the way wrong time of the year.  I skipped a session and watched the game--which was dreadful.
Installation Saturday night was impressive--mostly because it wasn't overly long.  The new Worthy Grand Matron is from our area, and we were very proud of her.  We were tucked in bed before midnight--when the hotel started shaking.  It seemed to go on for a very long time.  It took a while to get connected to the USGS.  The earthquake was located near King City and it was 5.3 at 11:55 PM.  There was an aftershock at 12:18--we didn't feel that one.  Dory doesn't like earthquakes.  I can't say that I do either, but once it stopped and everything was fine, I was OK with it.
Sunday morning was good, because we didn't have the alarm set.  We were only going to Yosemite, and that's pretty close.  Yosemite was great.  It wasn't too crowded.  There was no water in the falls.  That was fine, because I couldn't walk that far anyway.  Mostly, we rested and watched baseball.  We had a view of Half Dome, so we really didn't need to leave the room.  I took pictures of the many moods of Half Dome.  Here are some:

All taken from the same window.
I felt dreadful the morning we left--really dreadful.  I barely touched my breakfast.  We debated on whether or not we should stop in at the medical clinic--eventually voted no.  We had a long way to go.  We usually take Tioga Pass to 395 and north to Reno, but the pass closed on Sunday and had no intentions of reopening.  So we took the long way--southwest to Merced, north to Sacramento, and east to Reno over Donner Summit.  There was a lot of snow over the summit.  It wasn't falling or on the road, but there was a lot of snow.  The external temperature got down to around 34.  We got to Reno around six.  We had a great time.  Dory did better than I did.  She kept finding machines that were paying off.  We finally had to start for home on Monday, because I had a CT scan on Tuesday.  We leave before breakfast, drive to Boomtown, have breakfast and play there.  We really have fun in Boomtown.  We're thinking of changing our routine and spending our last night there.  We had a little excitement when my foot slipped off the rung of a stool I was about to sit on and I did a face plant on the floor.  Nothing was broken or bleeding, but my dignity was badly bruised.  Two ladies helped me up.  I felt a little wobbly and very silly.  I told Dory about it and she turned me in to the management, who were all very solisitious.  No, I didn't want to go to emergency.  Yes, I was fine.  No, I was not going to sue the casino.  I did feel pretty sore the rest of the week and I've got a bruise on my left knee--which isn't the one that hurts.
CT scan on Tuesday--Glenn took me down because my battery was dead after sitting around for two weeks.  Wednesday was the ophthalmologist--eyes have actually improved in the last year. Thursday I saw Dr. Chee, my oncologist, and got the results of the scan.  I'm stable.  She thinks the exhaustion is the result of all the chemo I've had.  I had the option of stopping treatment.  While getting a little stamina back is appealing, if the treatment is working, I'll keep going with it.  If things get too dreadful, I can always get a wheelchair or scooter--or just continue to walk very slowly and rest a lot.
Yesterday was a haircut.  My appointment was scheduled for Wednesday afternoon, but that was the Giant's World Series Parade, and I got caught up in that two years ago--also for a hair appointment.  There was no way I was going to do that again.
Things are getting back to normal.  I have minutes to type and reports to do for the Chapter and a speech to write for an installation on the 11th.  I guess I'll get it all done.
I think things are caught up here.
xxooxx