If i had stuck with the original plan, I would even now be settling into my Casita in Scottsdale--and I'd have had to deal with airports, airplanes, rental cars, limitations on luggage, the usual stuff. Instead, I'm counting down till Sunday afternoon, after church, after a congregational meeting and a committee meeting, when I can drive the hour and a half to the Valley of the Moon. This time, I'll be smart and go by way of the beach. That should cut half an hour at least from my last trip.
So, what have I been doing lately? Wednesday, I saw my podiatrist--a doctor who had NOTHING to do with cancer--yippee. I get hard little calluses in the pores of my feet and after a while, it feels like I'm walking around on pebbles--in this case the Rock of Gibraltar on one foot and Ayers Rock on the other. Even with my numb feet I could feel them. They are gone now.
Saw my primary care yesterday, who congratulated me on being done. I told him I NEVER want to do that again. I will, if I ever have to, but given my druthers... I got a flu shot, which is now swollen and red with a huge almost spider-web bruise. I want sympathy for that--and I really want it to feel better before people start massaging every muscle I have.
Today was terribly exciting in that I saw no doctors at all. Can life get any more exciting than that? I celebrated by lounging until after 11 in the morning, finishing my next to last Sue Grafton book. I've moved on to T is for Trespass. When I finish that, I'll just have to wait around for the next one the way I waited for the Harry Potter books. Not to worry, I have a new series to start by Nevada Barr. The good thing about driving to Sonoma is that I can take as many books and as much yarn as I want. I've got a sweater for Glenn in the works and a baby blanket that I'm already bored with but will finish--thinking about taking yarn and needles for a new project, since I'll be there for a week. Let's face it, you just can't be slathered with lotions, potions, and creams 24 hours a day--you need to knit and read too.
So there I am. My beloved Bears are playing tomorrow, may they do well. I'm nearly packed with way more than I need, but you just never can tell what you might want.
xxooxx
Friday, September 26, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Done!
Like Robert Redford, at the end of "The Candidate," I find myself asking "What do I do now?" Oh I have follow up appointments scheduled and it will take me a few weeks to get my strength back, but the daily focus on cancer is over. I'm doing well and looking forward to lounging tomorrow--at least until my podiatrist appointment in the afternoon. Beside my upcoming trip to Sonoma, the only excitement is "how will my hair grow back?' It is already taking on color--well, some dark amid the white. It isn't long enough to see if it will be curly or wavy. I still have mounds of paper to throw away or deal with in some other way, and much work to make the bedroom semi-tidy, so I think I will manage to fill my time. Sonoma will be a nice break. I'll start to try eating things that have been off the list through radiation--just not too quickly. I got through that remarkably well, so I don't want to jinx things.
So that's where we are--finishing healing and happy to be a cancer survivor.
xxooxx
So that's where we are--finishing healing and happy to be a cancer survivor.
xxooxx
Monday, September 22, 2008
Seasons
Today is the Autumnal Equinox. Now when I was a little girl, all seasons changed on the 21st, regular as clockwork. Now it moves around--or they have more specific ways of timekeeping and can pinpoint it more accurately. The point of this particular exercise is to note that I have now been dealing with cancer in one way or another in all four seasons of this year. It started in winter, lost the whole spring and summer to it, and here it is, autumn. The good news is that tomorrow I'm done with treatment. I don't know quite what's in store after that. I see my oncologist after my last radiation, so I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I know there is some recuperative time after radiation, and I know that life will never be the same. So here's to autumn, changing leaves, the earth preparing for winter. People way we don't have seasons here in the Bay Area. We do--they are just subtle. You have to appreciate small changes. I do.
xxooxx
xxooxx
Sunday, September 21, 2008
September 21
Our mother died 16 years ago today. I hope that means she's having a great Sweet Sixteen Party in heaven. I miss my mom every day--sometimes more than others. I especially think of her today and also on February 21's. That was the day she was diagnosed with leukemia. This year, it was the last day I worked, though I didn't know it at the time. I was planning on being back at my desk the following Monday and on the Snow Train to Reno the next day. I was not pleasantly surprised.
So what else has gone on in the last few days--not much. I was not overcome with a desire to clean. As a matter of fact, I learned that it is not such a good idea to clean at night--you miss lots of stuff. There I was, so proud of vacuuming the landing and four stairs--the stairs are still pretty clean, but the landing is covered with dust again--which makes the whole exercise pretty pointless. Think of how much more I could accomplish if I waited till it were hip deep.
The Giants lost yesterday, every PacTen team I rooted for lost yesterday--and yes, I did root for the Bruins. I'll root for them whenever they aren't playing my Bears. They are cousins, after all. Today was a problem, because the Giants and 49ers were on at the same time. We watched the football game. It didn't matter, because the Giants were still 0-0 against the Dodgers in the 11th inning after the 49ers won. Then I got to watch the Giants win. Altogether a satisfying day, even if I was reminded of a really bad day.
That's it for now--it's halftime between the Packers and Dallas. I have to root for the Packers because (a) they aren't Dallas and (b) their QB went to Cal. I generally don't know who to root for when there are Cal players on each side.
xxooxx
So what else has gone on in the last few days--not much. I was not overcome with a desire to clean. As a matter of fact, I learned that it is not such a good idea to clean at night--you miss lots of stuff. There I was, so proud of vacuuming the landing and four stairs--the stairs are still pretty clean, but the landing is covered with dust again--which makes the whole exercise pretty pointless. Think of how much more I could accomplish if I waited till it were hip deep.
The Giants lost yesterday, every PacTen team I rooted for lost yesterday--and yes, I did root for the Bruins. I'll root for them whenever they aren't playing my Bears. They are cousins, after all. Today was a problem, because the Giants and 49ers were on at the same time. We watched the football game. It didn't matter, because the Giants were still 0-0 against the Dodgers in the 11th inning after the 49ers won. Then I got to watch the Giants win. Altogether a satisfying day, even if I was reminded of a really bad day.
That's it for now--it's halftime between the Packers and Dallas. I have to root for the Packers because (a) they aren't Dallas and (b) their QB went to Cal. I generally don't know who to root for when there are Cal players on each side.
xxooxx
Friday, September 19, 2008
Not a good sign
Counting down--only two more to go. My beloved Giants whooped the Dodgers tonight, 7 to nothing. They were doing so well so early on, that I got out the Dirt Devil, plugged it in, and vacuumed the landing and the upper stairs. Now there are only four, but if I have the energy to vacuum, something is seriously wrong. I've been making small inroads in the bedroom, too. I must have too much time on my hands or I'm feeling too good. Actually, the radiation is starting to catch up with me, only instead of getting tired at the end of the day, that's when I get my first wind. I feel pretty wretched in the morning, but it gets better as the day goes on. I have some minor skin irritations, but no big deal.
Today was Charlie's last day at radiation. I will miss him and his wife, Bonnie. Evan still has a ways to go, so I'll get to see him, his wife, and their baby who will be one in 10 days--probably not Monday, because I have blood work before radiation and it seems to take them forever--but if I leave early enough on Tuesday I'll see them for a good luck hug. Charlie is in a wheelchair--don't know why, maybe polio because he wears braces. He didn't get a good luck hug--I pulled his baseball cap off and planted a kiss on his head. I have trouble passing up heads. Although, just for the record, Charlie has more hair than I do.
My hair is growing. My eyebrows are coming in enough that I no longer need eyebrow pencil. I can use it if I want to, but I don't look like an alien without it. Eyelashes are coming back, too.
Wednesday, on the way into radiation, they were playing Eine Kleine Nachtmusik on Mozart in the morning. That was Lee's favorite piece, no foolin'. I wept quietly all the way to San Mateo--and felt like an idiot for doing it. I lied on Tuesday's post--I did have something to do in the evening, but it was knitting circle, and that is a pleasure. Last night I went to an Eastern Star meeting--haven't been to that chapter since before the infection--seems like and awfully long time ago.
Besides light vacuuming, I practiced a little tonight--real violin, not fiddle. I ordered some new music several weeks ago. It came this week, so I had to try it out. I'm a little rusty. The new A string that I put on at the Gulch still isn't too excited about staying in tune, so I had to keep stopping and tightening it. I remember my last violin teacher, that I studied with for 22 years, saying that she had a student whose family took his violin back to the store because it kept going out of tune. Little violinist joke there. But then, my late friend, Glenn (as opposed to my son, Glenn) worked with someone who wanted to learn the viola, so he bought one and paid someone to tune it. I sure wish I had THAT gig.
Time to wind down and try to get to sleep. Don't have a clue what I'll do tomorrow--maybe clear out more floor space in my room. Now there's a scary thought.
xxooxx
Today was Charlie's last day at radiation. I will miss him and his wife, Bonnie. Evan still has a ways to go, so I'll get to see him, his wife, and their baby who will be one in 10 days--probably not Monday, because I have blood work before radiation and it seems to take them forever--but if I leave early enough on Tuesday I'll see them for a good luck hug. Charlie is in a wheelchair--don't know why, maybe polio because he wears braces. He didn't get a good luck hug--I pulled his baseball cap off and planted a kiss on his head. I have trouble passing up heads. Although, just for the record, Charlie has more hair than I do.
My hair is growing. My eyebrows are coming in enough that I no longer need eyebrow pencil. I can use it if I want to, but I don't look like an alien without it. Eyelashes are coming back, too.
Wednesday, on the way into radiation, they were playing Eine Kleine Nachtmusik on Mozart in the morning. That was Lee's favorite piece, no foolin'. I wept quietly all the way to San Mateo--and felt like an idiot for doing it. I lied on Tuesday's post--I did have something to do in the evening, but it was knitting circle, and that is a pleasure. Last night I went to an Eastern Star meeting--haven't been to that chapter since before the infection--seems like and awfully long time ago.
Besides light vacuuming, I practiced a little tonight--real violin, not fiddle. I ordered some new music several weeks ago. It came this week, so I had to try it out. I'm a little rusty. The new A string that I put on at the Gulch still isn't too excited about staying in tune, so I had to keep stopping and tightening it. I remember my last violin teacher, that I studied with for 22 years, saying that she had a student whose family took his violin back to the store because it kept going out of tune. Little violinist joke there. But then, my late friend, Glenn (as opposed to my son, Glenn) worked with someone who wanted to learn the viola, so he bought one and paid someone to tune it. I sure wish I had THAT gig.
Time to wind down and try to get to sleep. Don't have a clue what I'll do tomorrow--maybe clear out more floor space in my room. Now there's a scary thought.
xxooxx
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Recovering from the weekend
Even though I really didn't DO anything, I'm still recovering. Yesterday I had blood work before radiation, so I didn't get to say good by to the girl just before me who finished her treatment. I did have a rare treat Monday afternoon. The Bride whose wedding I attended in August was working and had a layover in San Francisco. Did I feel well enough to have coffee with her? You betcha. I picked her up at the airport, and we spent the afternoon drinking pomegranate tea and catching up. I loved her at eleven and I love her now all grown up.
Today I had a longer session because the changed my radiation--took lots of x-rays and "boosted" (their word) my radiation for the last week. Five more days to go! I just don't know what I will do with my time when I have no more treatments to go to.
I went down town at noon for an appointment. I walked up to Union Square afterwards and stopped in at North Face to personally thank the manager I worked with in January to get me ready for my trip to Lake Louise--and tell her my story about the ski pants saving my life. I also went into Britex to buy buttons for the latest sweater, then down to the San Fransisco Center where I could take an escalator down to BART. I was going to do some grocery shopping, but was just too tired. I fell asleep watching Judge Judy and barely had time to heat up some dinner before I was off to Session meeting at church. Blessedly I have NOTHING to do all day and evening tomorrow after radiation.
xxooxx
Today I had a longer session because the changed my radiation--took lots of x-rays and "boosted" (their word) my radiation for the last week. Five more days to go! I just don't know what I will do with my time when I have no more treatments to go to.
I went down town at noon for an appointment. I walked up to Union Square afterwards and stopped in at North Face to personally thank the manager I worked with in January to get me ready for my trip to Lake Louise--and tell her my story about the ski pants saving my life. I also went into Britex to buy buttons for the latest sweater, then down to the San Fransisco Center where I could take an escalator down to BART. I was going to do some grocery shopping, but was just too tired. I fell asleep watching Judge Judy and barely had time to heat up some dinner before I was off to Session meeting at church. Blessedly I have NOTHING to do all day and evening tomorrow after radiation.
xxooxx
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Back from Fresno
It wasn't so bad, as weekends in Fresno go. I didn't have to drive and I spent very little time out of doors in the heat. It took us forever to get there on Friday because there was a big accident and fire on 580--all gone by the time we passed it, but it took about two hours to get from my house to the east side of Altamont Pass. After that, it was pretty much smooth sailing. Not really a problem, except that we had a 7 PM dinner. Even that wasn't so bad, because seats were saved for us. I had to moisturize (one of the treats that comes with radiation) and change after I checked in, but thanks to a few years in little theatre during my college years, I'm a quick change artist and really didn't miss much. It was a buffet and our table was among the last to get in line, so we could have been lots later and it wouldn't have mattered. I did get tired of sitting and my hips hurt.
Saturday morning, I had an early breakfast, because the Cal Bears (my beloved Cal Bears) were on ESPN with a nine o'clock game against Maryland. They didn't really get cracking until the second half--if the game had been five or ten minutes longer, they might have pulled it out. As it was, they lost, but not as badly as it looked like they were going to lose. After the game, I went trotting off to try on my dress for Grand Chapter. It is too long, so I didn't get to bring it home. At least it is pretty, which my last two Deputy Grand Chapter dresses weren't. After the dress fitting, I debated on lunch or a nap. I really wanted to have a late lunch/early dinner, because the reception (the whole reason for going to Fresno) started at 7:30 but we had to be there by six for pictures. My hips were still hurting pretty bad, so the nap won. I set my alarm for 3 then lounged till about 3:30 and went off in search of food. To my displeasure, I discovered that the coffee shop closed from 2 to 5. Ah, but there was room service! Back to the room, checked the menu for something I could eat, called and placed my order. The girl who took it said it would take about half an hour. That gave me time for a bath. All clean and dressed, I waited for lunch with my book. At about 4:40, when I still had no lunch and was feeling like a refugee, I called to see how much longer it would be. Let me check, says the girl, and clicks off. Presently, my phone rang and it was actual room service, who had no record of my order. By now, I was starting to steam. The y took my order again--turkey sandwich, no tomatoes, diet coke, and chocolate ice cream. About how long will that take, I asked. When they said another half an hour, I lost it. The room service manager got on the line and said he would comp my meal. Fine, I said, see what you can do. It was looking like dinner wouldn't get to me till around 5:15 at the earliest. I put on my makeup and read more of my book. Eventually, a very nice young man brought my lunch. The turkey sandwich included the tomato that I can't eat while I'm on radiation, but no cranberry sauce that was promised on the room service menu--and I had to put my own mayo on it. It included fries, which were good, but I couldn't open the catchup, so there went my veggie. There was no diet coke and the chocolate ice cream was chocolate cake. But it was free and I was starving. I managed to eat, get into my dress, and cross the street (painfully, the hips were really hurting) in plenty of time for pictures. So there really is a free lunch...
The reception was nice, but long--those hips again. There is just no way to sit comfortably. I saw many friends and wouldn't have missed it for the world. I was really hurting by the time it was over.
The trip home was uneventful and quick--no traffic to speak of. I got home in time to see most of the 49ers game--they won in overtime, as did the Giants, in extra innings. Sure, now that it doesn't matter, the Giants are winning.
So here I am, ready for a blessedly early night. I have to get to the hospital early tomorrow morning to have my port flushed (sounds nasty but it isn't) before radiation. Glenn is going to take me, he says, because the girl from his 5th grade class finishes her radiation tomorrow and he wants to wish her well. He'll come with me Tuesday, too, because that is Radiation Oncologist day, and he likes to be there for the doctor appointments.
I took my camera with me this weekend, but it never left my room, so you will just have to use your imagination for beautiful downtown Fresno.
xxooxx
Saturday morning, I had an early breakfast, because the Cal Bears (my beloved Cal Bears) were on ESPN with a nine o'clock game against Maryland. They didn't really get cracking until the second half--if the game had been five or ten minutes longer, they might have pulled it out. As it was, they lost, but not as badly as it looked like they were going to lose. After the game, I went trotting off to try on my dress for Grand Chapter. It is too long, so I didn't get to bring it home. At least it is pretty, which my last two Deputy Grand Chapter dresses weren't. After the dress fitting, I debated on lunch or a nap. I really wanted to have a late lunch/early dinner, because the reception (the whole reason for going to Fresno) started at 7:30 but we had to be there by six for pictures. My hips were still hurting pretty bad, so the nap won. I set my alarm for 3 then lounged till about 3:30 and went off in search of food. To my displeasure, I discovered that the coffee shop closed from 2 to 5. Ah, but there was room service! Back to the room, checked the menu for something I could eat, called and placed my order. The girl who took it said it would take about half an hour. That gave me time for a bath. All clean and dressed, I waited for lunch with my book. At about 4:40, when I still had no lunch and was feeling like a refugee, I called to see how much longer it would be. Let me check, says the girl, and clicks off. Presently, my phone rang and it was actual room service, who had no record of my order. By now, I was starting to steam. The y took my order again--turkey sandwich, no tomatoes, diet coke, and chocolate ice cream. About how long will that take, I asked. When they said another half an hour, I lost it. The room service manager got on the line and said he would comp my meal. Fine, I said, see what you can do. It was looking like dinner wouldn't get to me till around 5:15 at the earliest. I put on my makeup and read more of my book. Eventually, a very nice young man brought my lunch. The turkey sandwich included the tomato that I can't eat while I'm on radiation, but no cranberry sauce that was promised on the room service menu--and I had to put my own mayo on it. It included fries, which were good, but I couldn't open the catchup, so there went my veggie. There was no diet coke and the chocolate ice cream was chocolate cake. But it was free and I was starving. I managed to eat, get into my dress, and cross the street (painfully, the hips were really hurting) in plenty of time for pictures. So there really is a free lunch...
The reception was nice, but long--those hips again. There is just no way to sit comfortably. I saw many friends and wouldn't have missed it for the world. I was really hurting by the time it was over.
The trip home was uneventful and quick--no traffic to speak of. I got home in time to see most of the 49ers game--they won in overtime, as did the Giants, in extra innings. Sure, now that it doesn't matter, the Giants are winning.
So here I am, ready for a blessedly early night. I have to get to the hospital early tomorrow morning to have my port flushed (sounds nasty but it isn't) before radiation. Glenn is going to take me, he says, because the girl from his 5th grade class finishes her radiation tomorrow and he wants to wish her well. He'll come with me Tuesday, too, because that is Radiation Oncologist day, and he likes to be there for the doctor appointments.
I took my camera with me this weekend, but it never left my room, so you will just have to use your imagination for beautiful downtown Fresno.
xxooxx
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