Not a Happy Girl

In the immortal words of Gilda Radner, It's always something.  The current something is a dead desktop computer.  I got up yesterday morning, and the power to the tower (kinda poetic) was off.  And it wouldn't go on.  I tried messing with the cords--no luck.  It's just dead.  It's probably time to get a new one, because I think I got this one before Lee died, so that's over five years.  Tomorrow is one of Glenn's days off, so he will schlep it to Best Buy for me.  We'll find something I like and have them transfer my data to the new one.  Meanwhile, I'm using the laptop, which is very slow and not at all my favorite thing to play with.
There is good news--the Giants won their division, and that was very exciting.  The Bears did quite poorly.  I'm used to the Golden Bears doing poorly, but that doesn't mean I like it.  I finished a difficult pattern pair of socks--well, almost finished.  I finished the second sock, then I had to take out the toe of the first sock because I didn't make it quite long enough.  I have to do another pattern repeat then do the toe again--then I'll be done with that.  I don't know who will get them, but at least I'll be done.  The next thing will be a pair of socks that I started in the Skilled Nursing Facility when I was getting antibiotocs for the cellulitis in March, THEN I can start something new.  I also finished a baby bunting that I started probably a few years ago--that was exciting.  I'm not even sure I know where the pattern is for it, so I hope I did it right.
I'm feeling OK.  Still pretty tired, but not hurting.  Maybe Glenn and I can squeeze in a walk tomorrow, just to see if I can do it.
That's it.  Maybe I'm a slightly happy girl after all.  We'll see after we visit the computer store tomorrow.
xxooxx

Trying to make the world smaller

I'm hoping Lee will take one more look at my little blog, because I would like to carry on this conversatison.  My e-mail is aecarlsn@pacbell.net. I might get strange, random, messages, or I might bet a message from a double bass player from Willard and BHS.  I am sorry you lost your husband, sorrier still what you lost him to.  When I was on the Speaker's Bureau at BHS, and it was time for us to make our pitch for the American Cancer Society, the statistic they gave us was 1 in 3 will develop cancer.  That was in the 60's.  I don't think it has changed.  For some, the journey is too swift, and for others, it seems to go on forever.  I have a friend who has been fighting for well over 20 years.  My journey is 4 1/2 years and still swinging.  There are some things I want to make it to, and at other times, I just want to cross my arms over my chest and hold a lily--those times are few and far between, but I get tired of being tired.  Then I look at my stash of yarn and realize that I have too much to do to go right now.
Hope this works.  And if you random people want to touch base, that's OK too.
xxooxx

Wow--is it ever a Small World

I got a new comment to an old entry yesterday.  The old post was on the Joys of Pack Ratting from August of 2009, and the comment was from Lee Denny.  She was looking up her older sister, Gail, whose obituary I've been saving for quite a long time.  She was concerned because I haven't blogged since August.  Not to worry, Lee.  I'm still kicking--slowly, but still kicking.
I started my new treatment, Avastin, on Sept 4.  I'm still terribly tired, and tired of being tired, but the pain is a lot less than before.  I have an appointment with my oncologist this coming Tuesday.  I'm hoping she'll set me up for a transfusion.  That might help the energy.  climbing one flight of stairs totally wipes me out.  So we'll see.
I made two sweaters for Iris, one with a hat and booties.  They are size 0-6 months and have lots of growing room.  I've been putting my yarn in to plastic bins--easier to see what I have that way.  I haven't put everything away, but I have about 2 1/2 bins now.  I'm working on several projects, none of which are close to finished.  Monica came over to hang out and have dinner last week.  Becca is talking to her again, so I finished a pair of purple socks for her--hope she likes them.
That's about it for now--and the Giant's game is on.  Thanks for jogging my memory, Lee.  I remember you and the double bass.  Hope life has treated you well.
xxooxx

We make a new Plan

Chemo 6 has been painful and has completely sapped my energy.  I'm taking lots of pain meds, which sometimes work and sometimes don't.  I had 6.2B last Tuesday.  6.2 wasn't as bad as 6.1, but still not very pleasant. 
Victoria and Iris came over on Thursday.  Iris got two hats, lemon and eggplant.  She needs little sweaters, so that has been added to the list of things to do.  I made a Big Girl cape for Jennifer Neal Davis's two year old--she out-grew her sweater.  I also made a sweater for Jennifer's little boy who is due the beginning of December.  I am on the second sleeve of Iris's first sweater.  The little things go together quickly.  It's fun to make them, even if the babies can't wear them too long.  Tiny people need warmth, too.  My standard baby outfit looks so big now when I compare it to the 0-6 month sizes.
I had a CT scan on Friday.  Got the results today.  It was partly good--the lymph nodes that were growing are stable--that's the good part.  There is a new mass--that's the bad part.  So Chemo 6 was sort of working and sort of not.  I didn't have 6.2C today.  I get a week off to try to build back some energy and next week we will start Avastin.  It is given by infusion, but Dr. Chee said it isn't exactly chemotherapy.  Maybe it won't suck up as much energy.
That's about it.  I'm knitting and reading and getting lots of sleep.  It is hard to believe that Labor Day is coming up.  This is the third year without the Gateswingers at Jones Gulch.  I miss fiddling all weekend, but I'm sure I couldn't make it from the cabin to the dining hall or the cabin to the dance hall.  Still, that's where I started fiddling and I'll miss it.
xxooxx

Chemo 6.2A

Things have been somewhat boring lately.  I'll take that.  Picking up where I left off, I had an appointment with a healer on July 28, hoping to make up for missing my Reike at Sonoma.  It was interesting, but I don't think I need to go back.  The focus was on my non-existent energy.  I'm letting other people suck it off of me and I have to be stronger about not letting them do that.  I like Diane better, but I think she would tell me the same thing.
The 30th was an extremely stressful day.  Those of you who know about it will understand why it isn't going into the blog, other than to say it was difficult.  I have now declared my life a drama-free zone, which I'm keeping, for the most part.  The 31st was supposed to be chemo 6.1C.  Ally took me, because Gretchen and Jim's plane was due in from Scotland, and Glenn had agreed to pick them up at the airport.  My white count was low, so no chemo.  They gave me a two week break--I was thrilled.
Iris and Victoria came to visit on the 3rd.  I'd made iris her third hat--this time a raspberry.  Holding Iris is pretty high on my list of favorite things to do.  She's growing, bit by bit, but is still a pretty precious little bundle.
The Olympics have been on, and that is quite time consuming.  I always feel that if I don't watch them then they won't award the medals.  I recorded a lot because it conflicted with my Giants schedule, and the Giants are part of my therapy.
Last night, we did a re-do of Glenn's birthday.  Ally and Monica joined Glenn and me for dinner at the Beach Chalet.  I scheduled it for that night because I figured it would be the last night this month that I would feel good.  We had a delightful time.  The food was delicious and the company the best.  I was pretty tired when we got there--i actually let Glenn help me into the restaurant.  I get faint, which is not a fun feeling.  After a good, nourishing dinner, I was able to make it to the car on my own.
So, this gets us, more or less, to today.  I had chemo 6.2A.  My doctor decreased the dosage, hoping to get all three doses in this time.  6.1A was way worse.  I hurt before we got into the car for the trip home.  It wasn't as bad this time.   Hope it stays that way.
That's it, you are now up to date.
xxooxx

A Little Trip to ER

Woke up this morning around 1:30 is screaming pain.  It took very little convincing on Ally's part to go to the hospital.  I chose her as the driver this time because Glenn was exhausted.  He works swing on Wednesdays and day on Thursday through Sunday, so that first night is a killer for him.  Allie had just gotten home, so it was easier for her.  ER was pretty empty and they took me in right away without having to faint or say chest pain, or bleed, or anything.  We didn't know if the pain was cancer, chemo, or constipation.  Once they got my pain under control, I sent Ally home to sleep.  Getting a ride home would not be a problem.  I got poked and prodded and had a scan.  Constipation won.  Two enemas and much production later I was feeling much better and ready to go home.  Dory couldn't believe it when I messaged her to come get me.  I'm tired, very tired, but feeling much better.  Don't need breakthrough meds, at least not right now, and that's a very good thing.  Think I'll have some lemonade and a nap.  Thank you, God, for an easy one this time.
xxooxx

Chemo 6.1B

Wasn't as bad as 1A.  I was in terrible pain all week,on top of my regular pain meds popping percocet like they were M&M's.  It helped somewhat.  I did get yelled at because I didn't call the office to let them know how I was feeling.  The pain could be the cancer, it could be the chemo, or is could just be constipation--or all three.  As I have learned on this journey, life is all about managing poop.  My pain meds were increased and if I'm still hurting Friday, I'll call.  I'm doing somewhat better.
Tamra from church gave me a ride downtown to get my hair cut today.  It has thinned a little and not grown much in the last 12 weeks, but a trim was nice.  Got home to see the end of the ball game--Giant's lost--Boo--but they took the series--good.  Don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow with no baseball.  Guess I'll survive.
That's it.
xxooxx