Oh Canada!

Got up Friday morning at 4:15 to finish off last minute packing and have breakfast. Glenn, bless his heart, who got off work at midnight, got up around 5 to get me to the airport by 5:30. He went home to sleep some more. My flight to Vancouver was on time and proceeded without incident. We landed at Vancouver around 9:30. The plane to Saskatoon left at 3:55. I had LOTS of time. I'd arranged for wheelchairs at all the airports, so I was whisked through customs and taken to my departure gate. I found a not so comfy seat and settled in for a long wait. Three different flights left from that gate, so I saw many people come and go...no one was speaking of Michelangelo, however. I had lunch, then waited some more. The gate was filling up with passengers for a flight to Calgary. There was some sort of youth trip going on that flight, because there seemed to be about a million obstreperous boys with very few chaperones. There was an announcement of a gate change, so the whole crowd migrated from Gate B16 to B12. The noise level went down considerably. Stray people would wander up looking for the Calgary flight and I told them about the gate change. Ever the helpful Service Rep. While I was waiting, I finished working on the Yellowstone Falls cross-stitch. I was so excited I e-mailed Cherri Fulmer with the news. A mother and her two sons, five and seven, adorable and well behaved, came to the gate. Yippee, they were going to Saskatoon. Finally my flight was getting near. We looked at the display on the gate and it was announcing another flight to Calgary that left after ours was scheduled. Odd, we thought, so the mother went off to see if our gate had changed. By golly, yes, it had--we were scheduled to leave from gate E38--all the way across the airport. I knew I didn't have the stamina to make it, so I found an agent who got me transportation. We made it just before the plane started loading. My name was called and the gate agent asked if I would like a wheelchair ride out to the plane. Why yes, thank you. Oh and you are booked in seat 11A we can move you to 3F, that will be much closer for you. The flight attendant took all my hand luggage so that I could hold on with both hands on the few stairs up to the plane. She stowed my stuff and got me comfortable. Then the other passengers started boarding. The biggest, fattest, tallest man on board sat down in the seat next to me. Good thing it's a short flight, I thought. Then the wonderful flight attendant asked if he would be more comfortable in a seat by himself and reseated him. Whew!
The flight was fine until we got to Saskatoon, where it was storming, so we were a little bumpy coming in, but we landed safe and sound. I waited till everyone left, then once again, the FA helped me with my stuff and I was wheeled out. My friends Ken and Margaret were waiting for me--I'd worn the grey CP so that I would match my passport and they would recognize me.
We had dinner then made the two hour trip home to Wynyard. It had been a very long day.
Saturday after breakfast, I settled down to read and took a three hour nap. In the afternoon, I started working on the Old Faithful cross-stitch and did some knitting. We had a Chinese dinner then came home to watch end end of the Saskatchewan-Edmonton football game--Saskatchewan won, YEAH TEAM!
Sunday, we went into Saskatoon to see Cirque du Soleil. It was amazing. We were sitting in the third row. The colors were brilliant, the acrobatics breathtaking. There was supposed to be a story and there was some dialogue and singing, but it was all in French, so we had no clue. We didn't really need to know. Everything was spectacular and fast paced.
After the show, we went to Saskatoon's new First Nation casino so that I could get in a gamboling fix. I played for an hour or so, made some pennies, lost more pennies, and had a good time. Headed back home to Wynyard, stopping for a steak dinner on the way. Another long day.
Today has no plans, other than what I'm doing at the moment, and just hanging out. I'm feeling better, finally, heading into my good week. After the rain storm in Saskatoon on Friday, things have dried up and warmed up. It was downright hot yesterday and promises to be the same all week. I'll get some pictures of the farm and post them after I get home.
That's it for now.
xxooxx

All systems go

Saw my oncologist this morning--no problem with leaving on a jet plane tomorrow. Actually, I do know when I'll come home again--July 5, in time for chemo number 5 on the 9th. I'm more or less packed--now is the time I throw in the kitchen sink and anything else I think I just might possibly need for a trip to the back of beyond. I might just want to change my clothes 40 times a day--every day--and never wear the same thing twice. Oops--I'm flying and there is that pesky little weight restriction. Hmm--maybe I don't need to take all my t-shirts--even if they are cute. Then there is the question of which CP's and how many to take. Couldn't possibly have the same hair color for 9 whole days.
And on the subject of hair--it is still coming out. Slowly, but still coming out. It isn't as easy to keep track of, because no strand is an inch long and most of what is coming out is very white--almost impossible to see. My eyebrows are thinning. I look at the pictures from Lake Louise and Yosemite and notice a big difference. Desperate Housewives did a really good job of showing Lynette's progress through lymphoma--except she always had perfect eyebrows. That's the dead giveaway. I still have eyelashes--big deal, I can't help those along because all mascara turns my eyeballs bright red. Now for the big question--do I have the energy to apply war paint to look ravishing? Well, no, not really.
Time to weigh the suitcase and decide to screw the cost and take a second one. The really exciting thing about tomorrow's trip is that I have to be at the airport around 5:30 in the morning. I fly to Vancouver, BC then wait an incredibly long time between planes and then fly to Saskatoon. I think I get there early evening. Good thing I always take plenty of toys.
xxooxx

Feeling blah

The orcs were not waiting for the percocet to get out of my system, but neither were the euphoria fairies. I've just felt down, a little off, and have zero energy. I understand this is normal. So I read more yesterday. There was no Giants game, so I really didn't know what to do with myself. I did get a treat--my favorite cross stitch designer, Cheri Fulmer of Fulmer Craft in Wyoming sent me a kit of Saint Mary Lake in Glacier National Park. I perked right up for that. I've been doing Cheri's charts since the early 90's--I remember working on one of Sequoia National Park in a huge jury panel room in Redwood City in 1991--strange the things that come back to me. I think she would be the perfect person to chart some of the beautiful scenes in the Canadian Rockies--and I told her so, early on in this cancer journey. Maybe tomorrow's task--along with packing for my trip to Saskatchewan on Friday--will be to finish the chart I started in the hospital in February. There is so little left to do that I can almost taste it--not enough to take it with me to Canada where I would surely finish it--no better to start something new to keep me entertained while I wait between planes.
I had an appointment downtown today--just went and came home--by way of Long's to turn in a prescription and Peninsula Hospital to get my blood work done for Thursday's oncologist appointment. No retail therapy--no visit to Mrs. Fields--just BART there and back. I sort of dozed through the beginning of the Giant's game this afternoon--then it got exciting. I love it when they win. I'm sure they do it just to make me feel better.
xxooxx

Not so bad this time

Of course, I didn't try to do anything, either. Yesterday was so hot, I just lay in a darkened room, reading (it wasn't that darkened),taking my drugs on time and drinking lots of water. It was somewhat cooler today, so there wasn't the sweat factor, but it was more of the same. Living better chemically. I didn't feel much like eating, so I didn't force myself. Any orcs were only orcs-in-training and manageable. Whew. Of course, when I back off on the drugs tomorrow, it could all be there just waiting for me. Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel like doing anything strenuous, I just don't feel as bad as I did after the first round of chemo--or maybe I'm used to it.
xxooxx

Reading

I've done lots of reading in my life, but more so over the past four months. I've read lots of James Patterson--all the Women's Murder Club and all but Double Cross of the Alex Cross series, buying the last bunch and reading them in chronological order so that they would make more sense. There have been extraneous books to fill in the time. This last week, I read Kate Jacobs' wonderful The Friday night Knitting Club. I'm not going to give anything away about the story, except to say that it wasn't quite what I expected and better than I could have imagined. I even sent a fan e-mail to the author. I was sorry almost sorry when I reached the last word and had to put it down.
So now that I've finished the book, I'm just waiting around for the orc invasion. So far, so good, but it's early times. It is very warm today, the doors and windows are open and the fans are on and the CP is off. I don't do heat. I am a fog breathing creature and I'm more comfortable with grey air I can chew. One of the Visiting Nurses told me that lots of water would help with the chemo side effects, so I'm trying to do that. The Dietitian said I should try for 16 cups of water a day. That's a big leap. Somewhat easier when I'm home, knitting or reading--or doing cross stitch--I'm almost finished the project I started in the hospital. I do that in the bedroom, because the light is better, and was making great progress while I spending most of my time in bed. Now that I'm up and around, it doesn't get the attention it needs. I could probably finish it this weekend if I hop to it. Maybe I will, and maybe I won't. I think it all depends on the orcs and the amount of drugs needed to quiet them.
xxooxx

Fourth Chemo and THE WOUND

Fourth chemo today--yeah--only two more to go. Of course, I still will have the orcs to deal with. I keep trying new tricks on them. God bless Glenn. He takes me there, stays with me, makes the lunch run, and brings me home. It's got to be really boring for him, but he does it.
Now, for THE WOUND--it has closed, from the bottom up. The Visiting nurses discharged me on Monday and my Plastic Surgeon checked it today. We're done! It looks kind of funny--like I have two belly buttons or something. My plastic Surgeon said to see him after I'm finished with chemo and radiation and he'll see what he can do. But I'm done--it's finished. I can take a bath. I can shower whenever I want to, not just half an hour before the nurse gets here! It's been almost three months of poking, prodding, packing, draining, reopening when the top was closing faster than the inside, and scheduling my life around the nurse's visits. It is so liberating to be wearing no bandages. It is a small victory, but a victory all the same. Maybe that is the joy of this whole proposition--finding small victories to rejoice in and celebrate. Now I have to check my calendar to see when I can go to the Sonoma Mission Inn and Spa. It has been WAY too long.
xxooxx

I love the mountains

Two for one--this is CP #5 with Yosemite Falls in the background. We had a wonderful time, even if I did leave millions of mosquitoes very well fed. I thought it was really rude of them to bite through my shirt. The most annoying was when I swatted them just after they took a long drink, so I got bug guts containing my blood all over. The weather was glorious, the company couldn't be beat. I was sorry not to hike, but I just wasn't up to that. We did get some good walks--at least a mile a day. I took a good long nap every afternoon.

It wasn't too crowded--not what it will be in July. By July there should be no more water in Yosemite Falls. Like the rest of California, they got very little rain this last season--lots of snow, but no rain. We managed to find a few dogwood trees that were still in blossom and lots of wild flowers as we got to the higher country on our way out Sunday.

This a typical shot of Kathy. She took very good care of me, making sure I did not over exert myself.

I don't need another picture of Half Dome...well, maybe just one more--the light is different than the last 100 or so I've taken of it...

















Not quite Ansel Adams, but amazingly steady considering that on that particular evening walk, the mosquitoes were chomping on my back through my shirt like they were working on an ear of corn, chomp, chomp, chomp...












Visited Bridal Veil Falls on our way out--the saddest part of any trip to Yosemite.

So now it is home again, home again. I'm feeling really good--the wound is healing, nothing hurts--itches but doesn't hurt--it must be time for more chemo. Yup--Wednesday morning and then we start this all over again.
xxooxx

Getting ready to go

Well, we're just about off. There were a few little problems, but they are under control. I'm actually waiting to hear from my oncologist's office because my hands and feet are itching so much that I'm thinking about chewing them off. Just need to find out if OTC Benedryl is OK for me to take. Naturally this wasn't going on when I saw them on Monday. It woke me up at 3 in the morning--no call on the red phone, just itching. I think I'd rather deal with world peace.
So, the car is packed, I'm ready to pick up Kathy, and ready to visit God's voting address. I did a little retail therapy yesterday so I have clothes that actually fit. who knows, maybe I'll walk enough at Yosemite that my thinner clothes will fit when I get home...or not...that would be a WAY BIG miracle.
So--I'm off. Be ready for pictures.
xxooxx

Not much happining

My sister observed that when I'm feeling good and keeping busy, the blog input goes down. Possible. More probable is that some periods are really boring and I don't want to send my friends who take the time to read this into a catatonic trance.
So, what have I been doing. Knitting, lots of knitting--and finishing projects without buying more yarn. I actually emptied one of the plastic bags that are crowding me out of the craft/computer/office/junk room. I was so proud of myself, I could hardly stand it. Knitting comes with its own set of excitement. One of the side effects of one of my chemo drugs is neuropathy of the fingers and toes. It is a little weird knitting when your fingers are numb. But I've got all this yarn and all these projects, so I keep doing them.
I've been watching lots of movies, thanks to my friend Sue who owns just about every DVD that's been produced. She brings me all good stuff, too.
Friday my friend Dory and I went to the CP store to learn how to wash the blonde and redhead (human hair) and pick up some products. Oops--and get yet another cyberhair CP. I wanted to try a darker brown, closer to what my hair was before the telephone company turned me grey. I found out why my hair is now grey--it actually looks better on me than what my natural hair color (whatever that was since I colored it from the mid 70's to the mid 90's). Not a problem, I got one that is a darker brown than the light brown that looks like reddish. This one looks sort of reddish too, but it is a few shades darker, curly and somewhat longer than CP's 1 & 2--see pictures. I'm going to Yosemite on Wednesday, so I'll take this one with me and get pictures there.
Saturday, to get some exercise, really, I walked around a couple of malls. Couldn't do one mall twice because there was nothing interesting there except Mrs. Fields, and while Debbi used to be one of my very best friends, I'm really trying to avoid her.
The Giants have won three games in a row--I think they do this to make me feel better.
I started to come out of the post chemo pain Tuesday or Wednesday. I still don't feel great, but I feel better than I did. My schedule with the Visiting Nurses got thrown off a little, hence I had a visit today. They always ask me about my level of pain, which is generally around a 3. I told her that I'm at an age where something hurts most of the time just on general principles.
Church was very sad today. We had a congregational meeting to dissolve the pastoral relationship with our incredibly wonderful pastor whose wife got a job in Minnesota. It was a pretty weepy meeting. Things perked up in the afternoon, when I went to a graduation party for Miss Laura Grace Henry. Miss Laura Grace and her family know how special she has been to me from the time she popped out early, with an agenda, to this very minute. I just can't believe that it was long enough ago for her to now be a high school graduate. It was a nice party. Good friends, good time.
That catches you up. If anything truly exciting or memorable happens before I leave for God's house (that would be Yosemite), I'll let you know. Otherwise, I'll flood you with pictures when I get back.
xxooxx

Friends

I've hear people say that they have many acquaintances but few friends. I never understood that. I have few acquaintances but many friends. If I've met you, chances are I consider you my friend unless you prove to me otherwise. And if you are my friend, you are my friend for life. Some people don't realize until it is too late how many friends they really have. I am not one of them. I count my friends as blessings and they are beyond count.
When Lee got sick, or rather, progressively sicker, our friends gathered round like covered wagons circling and protecting us. When Lee died, I was enveloped and sustained on a cloud of friendship. I was making a new normal, always with friends at the ready to support me should I slip. I was doing OK. I was trying new things. Then--BAM--out of nowhere--well, not really nowhere, more like my pelvic cavity--came the word cancer. I've walked that road with other friends, lost many friends, but never expected to have it applied to me as anything other than my astrological sign. Even now, three and a half months later, I still sometimes say "I have WHAT?"
Ultimately, it is a journey I have to take alone. I'm the one getting the chemo, I'll be the one getting the radiation, I'm the one who lost the hair (and I'm the one who gets the fun of the CP's). I'm the one all this is happening to, but my friends would be under my skin experiencing it with me if it were possible. They check up on me, they pray for me, they nudge me when necessary, they let me know I am not alone in this lonely place. They let me weep and they dry my tears. There is no shame in weeping.
Even as a little girl (and yes, I really was a little girl at one time--sturdy, but a little girl all the same), I always had at least one really good friend. In Junior High School, that all changed. I had a group of friends. And now, almost a million years later, I still have most of that group. Kris, Roz, Annie, and I just about go back to the flood. Our lives have taken surprising twists. I don't imagine any of us are doing what we thought we would be doing back in the 9th grade when we were terrorizing Mr. Felker (he loved it), but we're still friends. Kris just happened to e-mail me just after I started my first tenure at Peninsula Hospital. Thanks to my Nokia 9300, I e-mailed her back. Next thing I knew, she had plane and hotel reservations and was up checking on me. When she walked into that hospital room, it was 1962 again. I had never seen anyone so beautiful. The next day, she hooked up with Roz and brought her over to visit. Annie called from Missouri. They are still calling and checking on me. They know when I'm down and when I need them. Roz is a poet and expresses herself in amazing ways. I'm just beginning to realize it. Kris wants her to publish--I do too. Dear friends, if you are reading this, I still love you with the passion of a 14-year-old and the experience of a 60-year old, and I hope we're still talking about Mabel's diamond when we are 100.
Last night, I had a visit from relatively new (for me) friends. Steve, from work, brought his dog, whose name is supposed to be Beau but I've called Furball from the first time I met him. Steve hired me when I thought I had no skills outside of knowing everything there was to know about telephone bills, and over almost six years now has come to be a special person in my life. I frequently remind him that I'm old enough to have been his babysitter (I wasn't but could have been). I've always been afraid of dogs to some degree or another, but Furball is just a big love bug. Furball knows when I'm down and makes me feel better. So thank you, Steve and Furball, for the visit and the friendship.
Now if I haven't named you specifically, it doesn't mean that you aren't still my friend and I don't love and care about you and don't consider you a vital part of the mosaic of my life. Here's the other thing about my friends. I don't let them go. No matter the distance or the time, I will remember you and care about you--possibly remember your birthday and your children and their birthdays--and count you as an important foundation of my life and a blessing beyond measure. If I haven't told you lately, I love you.

Learned the skill!

So I'm backtracking a little--well, a lot. This is me, snowshoeing at Lake Louise in February, a few hours before the pain started that began this whole thing. I could have edited my posts, but I'm fairly sure no one really wants to go back to see what I added. So there we are.


I spent yesterday in a drugged haze, beating back orcs. It isn't that they weren't there, they were just in the next valley or forest. I'm not at all comfortable, but I'm also living better chemically and getting through it. Now I'm going to try using my new skill.







This is the first cranial prosthesis and the only one that matches anything I've ever looked like before. Elaine took all these shots after my last chemo in front of one of the walls of cards.

So this one is the same brand, sort of a chestnut brown. These are the sports models--apparently I can go swimming in them. Maybe after the wound heals.

















This would be the blonde. I'm quite partial to this one. Glenn is worried about me losing brain cells while I wear it--I'm just worried about learning

to flip it correctly.


















So now here's the redhead, ready to fiddle and/or take on the world. There's no contest or anything, but friends can vote.
Friday afternoon, before the orcs started to venture out, I mailed off the sweaters to the little girls. I kept thinking they live in Georgia, but after I found the address (that I TRIED to lose), I realized they are in North Carolina. My last picture for the day is of the sweaters. I hope they fit, hope they like them and can get some good use out of them.

I can see I still need to learn a little about composition--but, hey, you got pictures. Time for me to complete another sweater set so that I can move on to the next one. The "craft" room is becoming a death trap with bags of yarn. I'm knitting as fast as I can.
xxooxx