Hair!

It seems to be coming back. Not necessarily where I would like it, but coming back all the same. This morning I had to put the tweezers to my chin--don't remember the last time I did that, sometime in May, I think. It may be wishful thinking, but I think I see baby eyebrows when I'm penciling on something that passes for them. My legs felt a little scratchy when I put lotion on them this morning. And the head. I think I see and feel new growth. That will take the longest time, of course. One of my friends in radiation, breast cancer, started chemo after I did and finished before (is that fair?), said she and no hair then all of a sudden there it was. The downside of hair coming in is that it renders the cranial prostheses even hotter and itchier.

I still have tingly fingers and toes. Sometimes I think they are tingling more and that is the start of feeling coming back, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't know which I'm looking forward to more--a full head of hair or feeling in my fingers and toes.

Of course, I still have projects going. This is a sweater for ME, although one of the wives in the radiation waiting room thinks is would do handsomely in her wardrobe. Guess again.

This one is for the baby of one of my sister's friends. It's kind of fun to work on something completely new and different--even if I do have to rip it out more often than the patterns I can do in my sleep.

That seems to be it for now. The Giants were quite spectacular yesterday--unfortunately, I was watching the 49ers at the time, who weren't. Don't these people know they are part of my recovery?

xxooxx

Adding insult to injury

Saw my Oncologist today--I'm still anemic but not anemic enough to warrant a transfusion. So I'm still exhausted. And on top of that, I've got a cold. It's the first cold I've had in about 50 weeks. I don't think it is fair--not that I ever expected life to be fair. So I will settle back into watching Olympics. I've been shirking my duty a bit of late. I used to think if I didn't watch them, they wouldn't award the medals. They seem to be doing just fine without me. I might as well watch--got nothing else to do--especially if it involves the expenditure of energy.
xxooxx

Utter exhaustion

I knew that somewhere I would have to pay for doing what I did over the weekend. The price was exhaustion. Total and complete exhaustion. I did nothing at all on Monday--just rested. I may have changed out of my jammies at sometime, but I never got far from my chair. Tuesday I had an appointment downtown, so I dutifully got up, had breakfast, got dressed, went to BART. made the appointment, deposited a check at the ATM, BARTed back, did necessary grocery shopping--well, maybe some of it unnecessary, but I was hungry, cane back home, eat my lunch, and slept for three hours. I woke up in time to watch the Giants loose. I'd been invited to the game but knew there was no way I could stay conscious to get back downtown and stay upright for the game. Just as well--it rained, which it NEVER does here in August.
On top of the exhaustion, every muscle I owned hurt--well, maybe just my neck, back, shoulders, and arms. It seemed like all of them.
I think I was asleep five minutes after the game. This morning, the muscle aches and exhaustion were still with me, but I had things to do. I had my simulation appointment at the radiation oncologists. It consisted of getting there, no mean trick, then being CT scanned so that they could make a computer image of my abdomen to plan my treatment. Now I wait till they call me for the next steps. Haven't even really started and I can almost see the end. Of course, I'm old enough to remember that sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is the oncoming train, so I won't get cocky. I made two stops on the way home--one for gas and one taking my cross-stitches of Hawaii for Rebecca and Lower Yellowstone Falls for me to the framer. I always feel a sense of satisfaction when I do that.
Now I have to pack for tomorrow's trip to Las Vegas. What to wear to a wedding in Las Vegas in August--that is cool enough--that fits. Once again I have wheel chairs arranged at the airports. Since we're only going for two nights I shouldn't have to take my entire wardrobe, all the books I have left to read and all the yarn I have left to knit--just enough to keep me entertained.
I expect to return with pictures.
xxooxx

Made it Through the Weekend

Thanks to the wonders of Dexamethasone, currently my steroid of choice, I made it through the things I knew I had to do this weekend, plus a few little surprises, with a minimum of orc intervention. I knew I had a reception I wanted/needed to attend on Saturday and a Tea today. and I knew about both of them several weeks ago. That's when I moved up my last chemo by one day, as though that was going to help. Then my doctor told me about extending the Dex. I'm sure there will be some sort of adverse reaction somewhere because all of life is a balance, but I made it through. I was exhausted when I got home this afternoon and slept through the end of the Giants LOSS--they still don't get it that they are the ones who are supposed to bring up my morale.
Anyway, the things I had to to do turned out to be more than I expected when Lee's niece, Deborah, called the afternoon of chemo to let us know that her mother had died that morning. The services were set for Saturday at noon. Good thing I'd already found out how to survive the weekend. Then the funeral was moved to 1 PM--the reception was at 2 ten or so miles away. No problem, I could be late, they would just be happy to see me, I hoped. I got up early yesterday morning with a list of tasks to accomplish. Find something appropriate to wear to both events that didn't make me look like a stuffed sausage--I still don't think it is fair that chemo wasn't the perfect diet plan for me. Not that I mind not dealing with the nausea, but I would have liked to look more like someone out of Biafra than the Arctic Circle. I found a black (with a little white trim) skirt that would do, a black top, a jacket that was mostly black but couldn't close in front, then decided that the Eastern Star reception would just have to be happy with me in funeral togs, because (1) there's no way I can fit into my regulation Deputy dress for this year--it was made shortly after Lee died when I was at my lowest weight in about 25 years, and (2) because there would be no time to change.
Now, to make myself look like a grown up lady. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be an actress from the time I was about four years old--this lasted until sometime in my freshman year in college when I decided I really didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up--I'm still stuck in that frame of mind. One of the things about acting that fascinated me was the make-up. I have tons of make up, and I love it all. Some of it belongs in the Smithsonian and I'm almost (but not quite) thinking about having a ritualistic dumping of the high school make-up. Now do I use all this stuff? Well, I have on occasion. I was really good about it for a while, and I look pretty good with a pound of two of paint. Then I got lazy. But I had to look good this weekend. My skin is normally pretty red, and any sort of emotion makes it redder. Dex also makes it redder. At first at the infusion center, they would ask me if I'd taken my Dex the day before, then they just learned to look at my scarlet face and they knew. A few years ago, someone in a mall kiosk talked me into buying mineral make-up, saying it would help the redness. She was an adorable girl from Israel and I was in a mood to be sold to. Did I ever open it when I got home? Of course not. It was sitting waiting for this very weekend. And I think it worked. I went blonde this weekend, so yesterday I used the eye make-up that I got to go with the blonde CP. Today, I wore a light blue suit, so I branched out into cornflower blue and faded denim. And the eyebrow pencil, that I never in my life used before, has become my best friend. Even if I wear nothing on my face, I use the eyebrow pencil. I think I have maybe a dozen hairs in each brow and I truly mourn each new hair that falls out. I have gotten to be a bit of an artist with the pencil, so it isn't that bad.
Now that we have me dressed and painted, off to the funeral. I got there early and collapsed on a comfy couch till the family got there. It started late but didn't last very long. My sister-in-law's older granddaughter gave a beautiful eulogy for her grandmother. I don't care who you are or how old you are, when your mother dies you are a five-year-old motherless child and suddenly know the true meaning of bereavement. It's your Mom, for goodness sake--the rock in your life who was there before the heavens and earth were created and who is supposed to be with you forever. I felt very sad for Deborah, her daughters, and her brother Jeffrey. Glenn went on to the funeral reception before he had to go to work (he traded shifts) and I went off to the OES reception. I got there in time, surprise of surprises. It was a lovely afternoon and I'm glad I made the effort. Still, I was glad when I could go home and get into my jammies.
Today, I pretty much repeated the process of turning myself into a grown up lady, just wearing the pale blue suit and matching makeup and going to church rather than a funeral before the tea--also and OES function. I was a little more unsteady on my feet today, thanks to the peripheral neuropathy. That will get worse and then get better--or not, but I think it will. I spent much time sitting at the tea. Once again, I was really glad when I'd eaten myself stupid on adorable little cookies and could come home and crash. It is now pushing 9 PM and my bed and book are looking very good to me.
It was wonderful to be out and about and see dear friends, but oh, my, did my Queen Anne Wing chair look good to me when I got home.
I haven't checked the calendar for tomorrow, but I don't think I have to do ANYTHING. Tuesday I have an appointment downtown, so that's a BART trip, and I think I will take my completed cross stitch projects to the framer, who always goes on vacation for the month of July. Wednesday is the radiation simulation and Thursday, Elaine and I are off to Las Vegas for a wedding.
That's it for now.
xxooxx

Spending Mr. Bush's Money

Remember my digital camera? I thought it was the batteries? It may just be old age. I think I've had it about ten years. I know I bought it with a Team Award from the phone company. I know I spent a lot of money for it at the time--it has 2.1 megapixils! Whoop-di-do! Whatever, yesterday, I decided I needed a new one, so I went out with my economic incentive, or whatever it is called, and got a new Canon--8 megapixils--and a library of instruction manuals that need to be read before a single shot can be fired, it seems. So I think I will take my dying old Canon to Sonoma with me. For all the times I 've been there, I've never taken pictures. This time, I'll be taking pictures--of the room, of the pools--of my massage therapists, if they will let me. I might take the new camera and the books in case I run out of reading material...
The last time I saw my oncologist, she said it would take longer to get over each cycle. She was right. I'm still not feeling completely good. I went to an Eastern Star reception Friday night. I didn't have to drive, but it still took a lot out of me. I was really hurting by the time it was over, and it really wasn't all that long. Yesterday, I was supposed to walk the survivors' lap in our local Relay for Life. I didn't even want to get out of my jammies when I was supposed to be there. I left a message for our team leader and went back to sleep--and slept till after noon. I went out long enough to buy the camera and some more books, came home and went to sleep for a few more hours. I think I was awake maybe 5 out of 24 hours. Each day I feel a little better, but there is still lots of room to go. The only thing on my list tomorrow is getting blood drawn and packing for Sonoma--basically swimsuits, sweats, underwear, and jammies...and books and knitting and needlework. I think I can handle that. In the evening, i have a date with Glenn for dinner and a movie for my birthday week. I could make him sit through Wall-E or the American Girl movie, and he would, but I think we'll see Mama Mia! I think that would be the least torturous for him. Tuesday, it is the oncologist, a referral to a radiation oncologist, and off to Sonoma. My first treatment is at 4 PM.
xxppxx

Happy Birthday to ME

A little tiny part of me is thinking that if I hadn't had the infection, I'd be having my last chemo tomorrow--at least I think that's how it would have worked out--but then maybe I couldn't have gone to Yosemite or Wynyard, Saskatchewan, and I wouldn't have wanted to miss either of those journeys. So there we are--still with almost 2 weeks to go till the last one. And it is my birthday--all day. I'm feeling better than yesterday but not as good as tomorrow. It was mostly a good day, lots of phone calls, flowers, my favorite thing in the whole wide world, from my sister, dinner out with Dory, a lunch date for tomorrow with my friend Meg and her daughter--Meg and I share the birthday, but I always remind her that she's WAY older than I am. My daughter and the grandchildren are coming over tomorrow afternoon. Life is good.
Now let me tell you about cut flowers. You get them, you feel special, they look beautiful, then they die and you can throw them away with a clear conscience and not have to worry about where to put them. My sister sent me yellow and orange roses, which match what I'm wearing today and the Atomic Orange I put on my fingernails today. As I said, life is good.
About dinner--we went for Chinese, since it is my traditional birthday feast. I was told several years ago that noodles on your birthday were good luck, so dinner included chicken chow mien, of which I am very fond. When it came time for the fortune cookies, we did that properly--I handed one to Dory and she handed one to me--you never pick out your own fortune. I unwrapped my cookie, broke it open--and there was no fortune. I looked sad and Dory started to laugh and said that apparently the noodles weren't doing their job. I thought maybe it was folded and looked in each half--no fortune. By then we were both laughing hard--as was the waiter, who took pity on my and brought me a new cookie--with a good fortune. Whew!
I've made it through the first week of this chemo cycle--I've hit as far down as I will go and am now on the upward swing. It will be a little better each day till the middle of next week, when I'll be feeling my best till #6. And am I going away? You betcha. I see my oncologist on the 22nd then leave for Sonoma and five days of pampering. Life is very good.
xxooxx

Side effects

I'm making it through chemo cycle # 5. I pretty much spent the weekend lying in bed, taking meds at the proper times, reading. I'm working my way through the Sue Grafton Alphabet Mysteries. Don't know what's taken me so long, but I read the first three this weekend. I watched the Giants, who finally won one for me yesterday--and I didn't even have the heart to watch the end of the 9th inning. I was so afraid they would blow it, I didn't want to give them the added pressure.
The drugs helped keep the pain down--I wasn't comfortable--still not comfortable--but I'm getting by. I have yet to experience the nausea that used to be standard with chemo--that would be thanks to really good drugs. The bone pain is still around, along with some stomach pain--no nausea, just pain. Then there's the one I never heard about with chemo--peripheral neuropathy. My fingers and toes are either tingling or numb. It isn't fun. It is supposed to go away after chemo--or not. I've got no energy at all. My big exercise is going out in the morning and getting the newspaper. I am exercising my mind, since I've started doing the crosswords. I never really liked them before because I can't spell, but let's face it, I've got lots of time on my hands, so there we are. My sister and Margaret should be proud of me, because I think it was their influence that made me try the puzzles.
That would be it for now. Tomorrow should be better.
xxooxx

Chemo Five

Well, I was going to download my pictures from Canada and post them tonight. That would be one of the best laid plans of mice and men ganging aglee. The camera keeps shutting off when I try to access it. It may be the batteries, so I'll get some new ones and try again tomorrow. I'm not overly happy about that, but thems the breaks, as a co-worker of Lee's used to say.
Chemo went fine today. I can't believe it's the fifth one already and the last one is just around the corner. Fortunately the block that corner is on includes the Sonoma Mission Inn and Spa. Before I get there, I have to survive the orc wars and walk in the survivors lap in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life--hopefully the orcs will have retreated by then.
So what have I been doing lately. Monday was my annual eye exam. Something in my life is going right--no changes, no glaucoma, no Macular degeneration, no cataracts--yet. Have a good life and we'll see you next year.
Went downtown to see my therapist yesterday. I was feeling much better than I did two weeks ago. After the visit, I walked to the San Francisco Center, where I bought some more books--started on the Sue Grafton series, finally. Also went to Nordstrom where I couldn't find any clothes that I really wanted but did get some makeup--my eyebrows have been steadily thinning, so I got brow makeup to enhance them. My hair is still coming out, but not as much and now in inch or less long strands that are hard to pick up--so I'm just shedding.
Sorry about the pictures. I'll see what I can do about them tomorrow while I'm still feeling fairly good. I'm also hoping to make a run to the office to show the guys I'm still alive. Once I start radiation, I'll see if I'm up to maybe four hours a day. I need to get back to work before they figure out that they can get along perfectly well without me--if they haven't already. I miss my spreadsheets and fighting with vendors--er--setting vendors straight.
xxooxx

All systems go

Saw my oncologist this morning--no problem with leaving on a jet plane tomorrow. Actually, I do know when I'll come home again--July 5, in time for chemo number 5 on the 9th. I'm more or less packed--now is the time I throw in the kitchen sink and anything else I think I just might possibly need for a trip to the back of beyond. I might just want to change my clothes 40 times a day--every day--and never wear the same thing twice. Oops--I'm flying and there is that pesky little weight restriction. Hmm--maybe I don't need to take all my t-shirts--even if they are cute. Then there is the question of which CP's and how many to take. Couldn't possibly have the same hair color for 9 whole days.
And on the subject of hair--it is still coming out. Slowly, but still coming out. It isn't as easy to keep track of, because no strand is an inch long and most of what is coming out is very white--almost impossible to see. My eyebrows are thinning. I look at the pictures from Lake Louise and Yosemite and notice a big difference. Desperate Housewives did a really good job of showing Lynette's progress through lymphoma--except she always had perfect eyebrows. That's the dead giveaway. I still have eyelashes--big deal, I can't help those along because all mascara turns my eyeballs bright red. Now for the big question--do I have the energy to apply war paint to look ravishing? Well, no, not really.
Time to weigh the suitcase and decide to screw the cost and take a second one. The really exciting thing about tomorrow's trip is that I have to be at the airport around 5:30 in the morning. I fly to Vancouver, BC then wait an incredibly long time between planes and then fly to Saskatoon. I think I get there early evening. Good thing I always take plenty of toys.
xxooxx

Feeling blah

The orcs were not waiting for the percocet to get out of my system, but neither were the euphoria fairies. I've just felt down, a little off, and have zero energy. I understand this is normal. So I read more yesterday. There was no Giants game, so I really didn't know what to do with myself. I did get a treat--my favorite cross stitch designer, Cheri Fulmer of Fulmer Craft in Wyoming sent me a kit of Saint Mary Lake in Glacier National Park. I perked right up for that. I've been doing Cheri's charts since the early 90's--I remember working on one of Sequoia National Park in a huge jury panel room in Redwood City in 1991--strange the things that come back to me. I think she would be the perfect person to chart some of the beautiful scenes in the Canadian Rockies--and I told her so, early on in this cancer journey. Maybe tomorrow's task--along with packing for my trip to Saskatchewan on Friday--will be to finish the chart I started in the hospital in February. There is so little left to do that I can almost taste it--not enough to take it with me to Canada where I would surely finish it--no better to start something new to keep me entertained while I wait between planes.
I had an appointment downtown today--just went and came home--by way of Long's to turn in a prescription and Peninsula Hospital to get my blood work done for Thursday's oncologist appointment. No retail therapy--no visit to Mrs. Fields--just BART there and back. I sort of dozed through the beginning of the Giant's game this afternoon--then it got exciting. I love it when they win. I'm sure they do it just to make me feel better.
xxooxx

Not so bad this time

Of course, I didn't try to do anything, either. Yesterday was so hot, I just lay in a darkened room, reading (it wasn't that darkened),taking my drugs on time and drinking lots of water. It was somewhat cooler today, so there wasn't the sweat factor, but it was more of the same. Living better chemically. I didn't feel much like eating, so I didn't force myself. Any orcs were only orcs-in-training and manageable. Whew. Of course, when I back off on the drugs tomorrow, it could all be there just waiting for me. Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel like doing anything strenuous, I just don't feel as bad as I did after the first round of chemo--or maybe I'm used to it.
xxooxx

Reading

I've done lots of reading in my life, but more so over the past four months. I've read lots of James Patterson--all the Women's Murder Club and all but Double Cross of the Alex Cross series, buying the last bunch and reading them in chronological order so that they would make more sense. There have been extraneous books to fill in the time. This last week, I read Kate Jacobs' wonderful The Friday night Knitting Club. I'm not going to give anything away about the story, except to say that it wasn't quite what I expected and better than I could have imagined. I even sent a fan e-mail to the author. I was sorry almost sorry when I reached the last word and had to put it down.
So now that I've finished the book, I'm just waiting around for the orc invasion. So far, so good, but it's early times. It is very warm today, the doors and windows are open and the fans are on and the CP is off. I don't do heat. I am a fog breathing creature and I'm more comfortable with grey air I can chew. One of the Visiting Nurses told me that lots of water would help with the chemo side effects, so I'm trying to do that. The Dietitian said I should try for 16 cups of water a day. That's a big leap. Somewhat easier when I'm home, knitting or reading--or doing cross stitch--I'm almost finished the project I started in the hospital. I do that in the bedroom, because the light is better, and was making great progress while I spending most of my time in bed. Now that I'm up and around, it doesn't get the attention it needs. I could probably finish it this weekend if I hop to it. Maybe I will, and maybe I won't. I think it all depends on the orcs and the amount of drugs needed to quiet them.
xxooxx

Getting ready to go

Well, we're just about off. There were a few little problems, but they are under control. I'm actually waiting to hear from my oncologist's office because my hands and feet are itching so much that I'm thinking about chewing them off. Just need to find out if OTC Benedryl is OK for me to take. Naturally this wasn't going on when I saw them on Monday. It woke me up at 3 in the morning--no call on the red phone, just itching. I think I'd rather deal with world peace.
So, the car is packed, I'm ready to pick up Kathy, and ready to visit God's voting address. I did a little retail therapy yesterday so I have clothes that actually fit. who knows, maybe I'll walk enough at Yosemite that my thinner clothes will fit when I get home...or not...that would be a WAY BIG miracle.
So--I'm off. Be ready for pictures.
xxooxx

Not much happining

My sister observed that when I'm feeling good and keeping busy, the blog input goes down. Possible. More probable is that some periods are really boring and I don't want to send my friends who take the time to read this into a catatonic trance.
So, what have I been doing. Knitting, lots of knitting--and finishing projects without buying more yarn. I actually emptied one of the plastic bags that are crowding me out of the craft/computer/office/junk room. I was so proud of myself, I could hardly stand it. Knitting comes with its own set of excitement. One of the side effects of one of my chemo drugs is neuropathy of the fingers and toes. It is a little weird knitting when your fingers are numb. But I've got all this yarn and all these projects, so I keep doing them.
I've been watching lots of movies, thanks to my friend Sue who owns just about every DVD that's been produced. She brings me all good stuff, too.
Friday my friend Dory and I went to the CP store to learn how to wash the blonde and redhead (human hair) and pick up some products. Oops--and get yet another cyberhair CP. I wanted to try a darker brown, closer to what my hair was before the telephone company turned me grey. I found out why my hair is now grey--it actually looks better on me than what my natural hair color (whatever that was since I colored it from the mid 70's to the mid 90's). Not a problem, I got one that is a darker brown than the light brown that looks like reddish. This one looks sort of reddish too, but it is a few shades darker, curly and somewhat longer than CP's 1 & 2--see pictures. I'm going to Yosemite on Wednesday, so I'll take this one with me and get pictures there.
Saturday, to get some exercise, really, I walked around a couple of malls. Couldn't do one mall twice because there was nothing interesting there except Mrs. Fields, and while Debbi used to be one of my very best friends, I'm really trying to avoid her.
The Giants have won three games in a row--I think they do this to make me feel better.
I started to come out of the post chemo pain Tuesday or Wednesday. I still don't feel great, but I feel better than I did. My schedule with the Visiting Nurses got thrown off a little, hence I had a visit today. They always ask me about my level of pain, which is generally around a 3. I told her that I'm at an age where something hurts most of the time just on general principles.
Church was very sad today. We had a congregational meeting to dissolve the pastoral relationship with our incredibly wonderful pastor whose wife got a job in Minnesota. It was a pretty weepy meeting. Things perked up in the afternoon, when I went to a graduation party for Miss Laura Grace Henry. Miss Laura Grace and her family know how special she has been to me from the time she popped out early, with an agenda, to this very minute. I just can't believe that it was long enough ago for her to now be a high school graduate. It was a nice party. Good friends, good time.
That catches you up. If anything truly exciting or memorable happens before I leave for God's house (that would be Yosemite), I'll let you know. Otherwise, I'll flood you with pictures when I get back.
xxooxx

Friends

I've hear people say that they have many acquaintances but few friends. I never understood that. I have few acquaintances but many friends. If I've met you, chances are I consider you my friend unless you prove to me otherwise. And if you are my friend, you are my friend for life. Some people don't realize until it is too late how many friends they really have. I am not one of them. I count my friends as blessings and they are beyond count.
When Lee got sick, or rather, progressively sicker, our friends gathered round like covered wagons circling and protecting us. When Lee died, I was enveloped and sustained on a cloud of friendship. I was making a new normal, always with friends at the ready to support me should I slip. I was doing OK. I was trying new things. Then--BAM--out of nowhere--well, not really nowhere, more like my pelvic cavity--came the word cancer. I've walked that road with other friends, lost many friends, but never expected to have it applied to me as anything other than my astrological sign. Even now, three and a half months later, I still sometimes say "I have WHAT?"
Ultimately, it is a journey I have to take alone. I'm the one getting the chemo, I'll be the one getting the radiation, I'm the one who lost the hair (and I'm the one who gets the fun of the CP's). I'm the one all this is happening to, but my friends would be under my skin experiencing it with me if it were possible. They check up on me, they pray for me, they nudge me when necessary, they let me know I am not alone in this lonely place. They let me weep and they dry my tears. There is no shame in weeping.
Even as a little girl (and yes, I really was a little girl at one time--sturdy, but a little girl all the same), I always had at least one really good friend. In Junior High School, that all changed. I had a group of friends. And now, almost a million years later, I still have most of that group. Kris, Roz, Annie, and I just about go back to the flood. Our lives have taken surprising twists. I don't imagine any of us are doing what we thought we would be doing back in the 9th grade when we were terrorizing Mr. Felker (he loved it), but we're still friends. Kris just happened to e-mail me just after I started my first tenure at Peninsula Hospital. Thanks to my Nokia 9300, I e-mailed her back. Next thing I knew, she had plane and hotel reservations and was up checking on me. When she walked into that hospital room, it was 1962 again. I had never seen anyone so beautiful. The next day, she hooked up with Roz and brought her over to visit. Annie called from Missouri. They are still calling and checking on me. They know when I'm down and when I need them. Roz is a poet and expresses herself in amazing ways. I'm just beginning to realize it. Kris wants her to publish--I do too. Dear friends, if you are reading this, I still love you with the passion of a 14-year-old and the experience of a 60-year old, and I hope we're still talking about Mabel's diamond when we are 100.
Last night, I had a visit from relatively new (for me) friends. Steve, from work, brought his dog, whose name is supposed to be Beau but I've called Furball from the first time I met him. Steve hired me when I thought I had no skills outside of knowing everything there was to know about telephone bills, and over almost six years now has come to be a special person in my life. I frequently remind him that I'm old enough to have been his babysitter (I wasn't but could have been). I've always been afraid of dogs to some degree or another, but Furball is just a big love bug. Furball knows when I'm down and makes me feel better. So thank you, Steve and Furball, for the visit and the friendship.
Now if I haven't named you specifically, it doesn't mean that you aren't still my friend and I don't love and care about you and don't consider you a vital part of the mosaic of my life. Here's the other thing about my friends. I don't let them go. No matter the distance or the time, I will remember you and care about you--possibly remember your birthday and your children and their birthdays--and count you as an important foundation of my life and a blessing beyond measure. If I haven't told you lately, I love you.

Learned the skill!

So I'm backtracking a little--well, a lot. This is me, snowshoeing at Lake Louise in February, a few hours before the pain started that began this whole thing. I could have edited my posts, but I'm fairly sure no one really wants to go back to see what I added. So there we are.


I spent yesterday in a drugged haze, beating back orcs. It isn't that they weren't there, they were just in the next valley or forest. I'm not at all comfortable, but I'm also living better chemically and getting through it. Now I'm going to try using my new skill.







This is the first cranial prosthesis and the only one that matches anything I've ever looked like before. Elaine took all these shots after my last chemo in front of one of the walls of cards.

So this one is the same brand, sort of a chestnut brown. These are the sports models--apparently I can go swimming in them. Maybe after the wound heals.

















This would be the blonde. I'm quite partial to this one. Glenn is worried about me losing brain cells while I wear it--I'm just worried about learning

to flip it correctly.


















So now here's the redhead, ready to fiddle and/or take on the world. There's no contest or anything, but friends can vote.
Friday afternoon, before the orcs started to venture out, I mailed off the sweaters to the little girls. I kept thinking they live in Georgia, but after I found the address (that I TRIED to lose), I realized they are in North Carolina. My last picture for the day is of the sweaters. I hope they fit, hope they like them and can get some good use out of them.

I can see I still need to learn a little about composition--but, hey, you got pictures. Time for me to complete another sweater set so that I can move on to the next one. The "craft" room is becoming a death trap with bags of yarn. I'm knitting as fast as I can.
xxooxx

Insomnia

Oh--I haven't yet discussed this subject, near and dear to all chemo patients. That is why I am up at 3 in the morning when I have a 9 o'clock chemo appointment. I've been traveling through the wide wonderful world of sleep aids. Haven't found a favorite yet, but I haven't tried them all. I am beginning to understand how people overdose. So, do I get up and knit--seems overkill, besides, both arms are bright red from trying to finish the sweaters for the little girls in Atlanta. I'm so close, albeit less close than I was when I realized that two skeins of a different dye lot made it into my bag of yarn. One I had already used on the two year old's sleeves and also on the back ribbing band for the three year old. I discovered the error as I was about to start sleeve #2 for the three year old. So back to the yarn shop to trade out the last wrong skein for a right skein. The owner gave me a second one, since she loves me, I spend lots of money there, and I'd done so much work, and she should have checked the dye lots in the first place. So this afternoon, I finished sleeve #2 for the three year old--the rest of the sweater is done and just waiting for the sleeve seems and setting in the sleeves--and I got 2/3 through with the errant sleeve for the 2 year old. Sleeve #1 for her only has two or three wrong rows. I'll decide what to do about that when everything else is finished. It shouldn't take very long. With luck, I'll have them packed up and ready to mail off by Friday. So maybe I won't to that right now. I could read more James Patterson--I'm on "Violates are Blue," I think I have only three or four more Alex Cross novels to read, I've read all of the Women's Murder Club, but there are several other non serial books to read. Then I can move on to John Gresham. I've only read "The Appeal," loved it, and want to read more. I could just stare into space or count sheep or just give it up and wait for 7 to come and have breakfast and get ready for that 9 o'clock chemo. More later.
xxooxx

Good Things

I'm more or less out of pain, at least out of big major wake me up when it's over pain. The open wound is closing, slowly but surely. When I cam home from the hospital the end of March, the tube was 7 cm deep--it is now 2 and the nurses can actually see the end of it when they pack it. Maybe it will heal on its own from the inside the way it is supposed to and save me yet another procedure when I'm done with chemo. And now that I'm done with the major pain for this round, I officially consider myself 1/3 through with chemo, The next two weeks of feeling relatively good are gravy.
It is beastly hot, which I just don't do, but with the G I Jane do, it is easy to keep my head cool. Even the hot won't last forever. The marine layer is just waiting to be sucked in when the heat in the valley creates enough of a vacuum on the coast. I'm looking for nice gray air I can see and chew. In the meantime, I did a small search and destroy mission on my dresser and found the remote control for my bedroom fan. Life is sweet at the moment.
xxooxx

On the mend

So this seems to be the pattern. Chemo on Wednesday, start feeling bad sometime Friday, and by Tuesday, I'm working my way out of it. I actually dressed today and have somewhat more energy. I definitely hurt less. I've added another layette to the stash of baby clothes and have started on a set of sweaters for the daughters of my night nurse from the second stay at the hospital. The challenge there is that I'm actually making something I've never made before, so I'll have to be a little heads up while I'm working on it--as opposed to the two patterns that I can actually do in my sleep.
This is exciting. I have two weeks of feeling almost good stretching out before me with only four appointments before the next session. I'll try not to go too crazy. Maybe I'll take a nap so that I have the energy to deal with all this feeling good.
xxooxx

As good a Mother's Day as it could be

So I didn't make it to church this morning. In general, I haven't been hurting as much as the first time, but I didn't feel good enough to get dressed and be sociable. The orcs are somewhat less aggressive, perhaps beaten back by the magic of naproxen sodium. My daughter, Elaine, called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. She's feeling bad that she can't see me, but she and her family have been sharing a virus for weeks and I don't need that.
Glenn fixed soup for lunch and ran errands for me. The Giants won, even though I didn't have the energy to watch the end of the game.
My niece, Victoria, and nephew, Kyle, came over in the late afternoon and brought the fixings for a delicious dinner. Grilled stuffed chicken, potatoes with sage, salad, and fresh cherries and ice cream for desert. They did all the work and entertained me to boot. I was just planning on letting Mom's Day happen without me, because I knew I would be feeling crappy. I'm glad I didn't. I'm still beating back orcs, but I'm happy and content.
xxooxx