St. Jerome's Day

We're not really celebrating this charming man, but we always remember when his day is, because it is our anniversary. I remember that day 31 years ago so clearly, even though it was half my life ago. I got an e-mail from my BFF Roz first thing this morning and a call from my daughter, just thinking about me. And I'm weepy. I think we had a good marriage. It was full of strange turns and twists--certainly not things I'd planned. I remember so well being that scared girl ready to change her life forever. My dress was ivory and I was white. My mother was afraid that I was going to cut off the circulation in my Uncle Parker's arm, my grip was so tight. I'd been to so many weddings where you couldn't hear a word the bride and groom were saying, so I'd said to myself "You trained for the stage. Project!" So when Dr. Hogue paused in his questions, I said, loud and clear "I will," and I was too soon. It pretty much broke the tension.
I hope Lee is celebrating with me in heaven.
On to more prosaic matters. Today was ultrasound of the legs day. It was uncomfortable, but it is over. I don't think they will find anything, but it was just a rule out sort of thing, just covering the bases. I came home and took a percocet, since I'm still in pain, even though they can't figure out why. I might go to craft circle tonight, other than that, there's nothing on the schedule for today. Maybe I'll look at my wedding pictures and the wedding book, both of which are handy.
xxooxx

Well?

So, how's it going? About the same. I had the endoscope yesterday. No ulcer, no sign of cancer in the stomach. There is some irritation, but nothing that Dr. Roost can specifically treat. So it is on to Dr. Weller and radiation treatment. I have my simulation on Thursday. Meanwhile, it is just control the pain or live with it. I think I'll live with it. The procedure wasn't bad--plenty of drugs and I was out. I have sort of wispy memories of having a tube stuck down my throat. Mostly I remember them telling me to take deep breaths of oxygen when I was back in the ward. It's been a great deal of sound and fury for little result. I still hurt. At least i know what will be going on medically for the next couple of months. This should get me to December and finally Spa time! I already know that's where I'm going when I'm through with this round of radiation.
But wait! There's more. It seems our washing machine has sprung a leak! Lucky us! I'm going to do a bit of phoning around. First person I find who can replace the machine and take the old bad one with them I think will get the job. I just don't have the energy to go around and compare prices. We had a 10 year warranty on this one--I think it ran out last year. Life continues to be good.
xxooxx

Small catching up to do

The pain is somewhat better today--may have something to do with the percocet Dr. Roost has me taking. It was not better when I saw him yesterday. He tried some sort of medicine that is supposed to work immediately--it didn't. So my calendar for next week has been rearranged. I still see Dr. Weller, the radiation oncologist Monday morning. Monday noon, Glenn will present me at Peninsula Hospital for an esophagogastroduodenscopy (take THAT, spell check). That's the fancy way of saying a tube down the throat to check out the stomach. The ultrasound of my legs has been pushed out to Wednesday.
I'm not really a hypochondriac, I just needed a better social life. What better way to improve it than to add two more doctors. Dr. Weller doesn't count as a new doctor because I saw him last year for my first round of radiation.
I'm not a terribly happy girl this afternoon, because Cal got royally trounced by Oregon. I've been a Cal fan for over 40 years, so I'm used to despair. But they started off so well. One swallow does not a summer make. Next week they get to play USC. Glenn has rearranged his work schedule so he can watch the whole game. After today, he may be sorry. He had to leave for work in the third quarter and he left muttering and really mad at the Bears.
So there we are, up to the minute news. My goal was to get through the weekend with no hospital visits. So far, I'm winning that battle. I'll let you know how it went after Monday afternoon. So far, I'm still looking great on paper. Oh, except for the cancer thing.
xxooxx

The Good News is

The good news is that I do not have congestive heart failure. My heart, in fact, looks great. That was a huge burden to get rid of. The edema in my legs and feet is still a concern. The doctor doubled one of my meds, I'll be taking it twice a day now. I'm going to have a sonogram of both legs on Monday just to rule out DVT. He doesn't think that is a problem, but he wants to be sure. Stomach still hurts, but somewhat less. Maybe it is an ulcer. Those can be treated.
That's today's news. I was glad to have Elaine with me, even though we didn't have to sit through bad news.
xxooxx

And we continue

Got up bright and early for the echocardigram and more blood sucking. I waited patiently at the hospital, because it was cooler there than outside, until time for the next appointment. Dr. Roost, the gastroenterologist, isn't contracted with my insurance, but he's the best there is, so one pays extra. He reviewed all my records from emergency and poked around. He's treating it as an ulcer to see what happens. I have two new medicines and some to take off my list. I go back Friday. If I'm feeling better, he was right. If I'm not, it will be time for scoping. I hope he's right.
That's it, cardiologist tomorrow.
xxooxx

The excitement continues

Went to see my primary care this afternoon. She is as stumped as everyone else is--but she did refer me to a gastroentrologist and a cardiologist--both of whom were Lee's doctors. She impressed the socks off of me, because she called each doctor, personally, explained my symptoms and made my appointments. I have an echocardigram at 9 tomorrow, more blood work--hope they can find some--and an appointment with the gastroentorologist. I see the cardiologist on Thursday afternoon. If I had just kept my mouth shut, I would have had chemo today and a CT on the 1st of October. Guess I just wanted a busier social life.
So that's where we stand now. Oh, and I still hurt. But I look great on paper.
xxooxx

More somethings

Whether to catch you up or start with today's anniversary. I guess I'll go with today then go backwards. I'm big on dates--guess that's why I majored in history. Our mother died 17 years ago today. I pretty much have total recall of the day, down to what I was wearing. Losing my mom was the hardest thing I've ever done--and there has been some really hard stuff lately. I still miss my mom. She could drive me crazy in short order, but I miss her driving me crazy. So, happy seventeenth birthday in heaven, Mother. I've gotten to the point that I can think about her and that day without tearing up. It took a long time to get there. Now I remember the good stuff--a little of the craziness, but mostly the good stuff.
Now--for yesterday. I got to the hospital bright and early and had my sonogram with time to get to church. Wait just a minute. Since the ER ordered the sonogram, I had to check out through the ER. The sonogram lady did tell me that I didn't have gall stones, so I figured that is what the doctor would tell me and I would be on my way. I sat in the waiting room and did what that room is for--waited. Next thing I knew, the medical screening nurse called my name, filled out a form, and I was ushered to a bed in the ER and shown a gown to get into. What? The same doctor I saw on Friday was on duty and he wanted to check everything out again. Guess church was out. So I donned my lovely gown and got into bed. One very kind nurse stopped in to tell me not to worry--medical screening said there was talk about admitting me! Kind nurse said that the doctor was just very thorough. Eventually, a tech came in to draw blood--I didn't know that they left any on Friday night. I didn't have a blankie and my feet were getting cold--it was a really hot day yesterday but not in the ER. So a nurse apologized and brought me a warm blankie. I asked her if there was any possibility of food, since it was after eleven and I hadn't eaten in over twelve hours. She said she would check. I called Glenn to let him know the situation. Prince that he is, he came down to keep me company. Even brought down the book I asked for and more yarn. Kind nurse came in with a lunch tray--yippee. Who would think you would say that about hospital food? I started off eating the best carrots of my life. As I was savoring the carrots, a doctor, not mine, walked by and saw me with the tray. She said, "Aren't you here for abdominal pain? Who thought it was a good idea to let an abdominal pain eat. Could you not do that?" So I put down my fork, sadly. Eventually, someone came in, not kind nurse, to take the tray away. Charming French nurse (male and tres cute) came in and started an IV to give me a pain shot. Not totally necessary--I wasn't comfortable but it was bearable--but very nice. I went off to another plane for a while. Finally, my doctor came in. He said I looked great on paper. It wasn't gall bladder disease. It wasn't pancreatitis. It wasn't life threatening, obviously, so they sent me home with orders to follow up with my primary care. Because I like paper, I asked for a copy of the CT report, which I got, along with a copy of the sonogram report and blood work.
The final CT report noted that my troublesome lymph node and grown again--I wasn't happy about that. I wasn't happy at all. In all, I spent another six hours at the hospital yesterday and I still hurt.
I called my primary care's office today and made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. My oncologist called me in the afternoon to see how I was doing. She went over all my test reports. She wasn't too happy about the lymph node either. The decision now is whether to do radiation on the node or change to a different chemo, since we've gotten the good we are going to get out of doxil. Her choice is radiation. Cancel the chemo for tomorrow. Cancel the CT for Oct 1. Make an appointment for a consult with the radiation oncologist. I did all of that. I will see the RO next Monday. I called Elaine to tell her she was off the hook for tomorrow--she was going to dome over tonight and take me to chemo tomorrow. Maybe next time--I'm assuming there will be a next time with new stuff after the radiation. I see the medical oncologist on the 5th of October and will have my port flushed before Grand Chapter. Radiation most likely won't start till after I get back from Yosemite.
So where are we? There are a great many bad things I don't have. I do have pain. I do have cancer. I want my mommie, but that's not going to happen. Maybe the pain will be gone tomorrow. Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, my car is running great--little problem with the air conditioner, but that can wait.
xxooxx