Quality of Life

It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, possibly because it is something my oncologist and i talk about.  I know the smart thing is to focus on the things I can still do and not on the things I can't do any more.  I can knit, and I do that quite well.  I can read.  i can still cook when I want to.  I put on a birthday dinner for Ally last night that was lovely.  Green salad, mashed potatoes (which turned out to be her brother Danny's almost favorite food), Prime Rib, and birthday cake--store bought.  It wasn't hard.  We used the good china and the silver and the good crystal.  I did the prep work, cooking, and cleaning.  I was tired, but I would have been tired before I got sick.
Victoria posted pictures of her and Brian and Iris hiking Mt. Tam today.  the pictures were beautiful, but it broke my heart.  I could no more do that anymore than fly.  And I used to love to hike.  When i was a little girl, my Mother said I was part mountain goat.  I would go right up the side of the hill.
I had my big adventure last week.  I took Bart downtown by myself and walk to my therapist's office and reversed the process, but the next day, climbing up four stairs wiped me out and I was gasping.
Dr. Zipkin suggested I work my way back, and I should try that, walking around Tanforan until the weather improves.  This girl hiked the Plane of Six Glaciers 7 years ago and won a BMW (Burly Mountain Woman) certificate!  Once again, I wasn't sick and weighed 30 pounds less.
So quality of life.  I'm surrounded by people who love me--that's a good thing.  I can still set the fiddle on fire--that's a good thing.  I can make Christmas cookies--that's good or bad, depending on who eats them.  My nose seems to have stopped bleeding--that's a very good thing.  I can't go for a walk in the woods.  That makes me sad.  Allow me some time to mourn for what I can't do, then I'll be myself again.
I'm off to Sonoma on Tuesday--that should perk me up.
xxooxx