The Best Continued

Andrea flew home Tuesday, but Kris and Roz and I had another day. Kris picked me up at 9:30 and we went off to my radiation appointment. I was the navigator and I got us there, no problem. Kris takes directions well. After I got zapped, we filled her rental with gas and picked Roz up at the San Bruno BART station. We came up to my house to regroup, then we were off to Golden Gate Park. The drive in took a certain amount of flexibility, since the Great Highway was closed and we missed a turn or two. No problem, after a somewhat circuitous route we got to the parking lot for the Hall of Sciences. I took a picture of the new deYoung Museum, which we didn't visit this trip, but I have a picture of it anyway.

We did visit the Steinhart Aquarium and the Hall of Sciences. We failed to pick up a map on our way in, we sort of bumbled our way around. It didn't matter. We would have had fun in Walmart. We looked at the Swamp and saw the Albino Alligator, which Roz christened White Guy. The name stuck for us. Childhood memories were preserved by the fencing around the exhibit--a row of seahorses that they preserved from the old aquarium. We visited fishes in no particular order but enjoyed the pretty colors. We saw a little of the penguin feeding. We looked at the Rain Forest exhibit, but decided not to view it close up, as it entailed a three story walk up a ramp and neither Roz or I felt up to that. We took a couple of breaks for some rather indifferent food--we didn't find the better restaurant till we were about ready to leave. We did not die of starvation. There was a Mandrake grove that tickled Roz.

I took a picture of the two of them looking at the trees and the fishes then I had them turn around and look at me.

It wasn't the most scientifically laid out visit, but we had fun. We looked at the pendulum that we all remembered from childhood visits. We looked at the African Animal exhibit--most of what we saw we sort of stumbled upon by accident. We got maps on the way out. Next time we will go to the deYoung. It was far more important to be together and talking than where we were. The backdrop was a happy addition but not the purpose of the day.

We had to get Roz to a BART station by 5ish and Kris had an 8:00 PM flight out of San Jose. We hugged one another and we had group hugs and we told one another that we loved each other. Willie Shakespeare was right, parting was sweet sorrow. As with so many other things for me this year, it did not feel like good bye. It felt like something we need to repeat. All of our lives have been so very different than what we planned when we were 12, yet what has remained constant is our love for each other. Beneath the years are the same little girls who thought they were so very sophisticated--actually, we were pretty sophisticated. We had fun together then and we can have fun together now. Now it is sweeter for the various life lessons we've all had. If I didn't tell you often enough, I love you, my friends. I can not imagine two more perfect days.

Glenn took me to radiation today. Now I need to rest up from a week of excitement.

xxooxx

The Best Day

It was a wonderful day. Kris got here just after 9:30 and we had time to catch up before it was off to radiation. That wasn't so best--they took the initial films before I had my first treatment. It was about 45 minutes of lying on a plank with my arms up above my head, not moving. That was a little rough. The rest of the treatments won't be quite as hard. When we got home, I had a message from Andrea at around 10:30 trying to connect with Roz. I called Andrea's cell and happily got Roz--they had connected at a BART station and were already in the city, turning on to my freeway. Oh, the anticipation then! They were at my house in no time at all. We fell on each other. There was 200 years of friendship here in my house. We just hung out--they brought lunch. We ate and chatted and shared pictures and significant life moments. Remember, the last time the four of us were together was August 13, 1966. We had LOTS of catching up to do.

So here they are, my BFF's, Roz, Kris, and Andrea .

We rearranged and took more pictures--here I am with various friends:

There was so much love in the room. We laughed until tears were running and we cried. We were silly junior high girls again and we were women who have all experienced much. Of course, the elephant in the room was the fact that I have a terminal illness. We didn't dwell on it, but we didn't avoid it either. It was, after all, the catalyst for getting us all together. I love a lot of people, but I don't think I love anyone more than these wonderful women. Andrea is flying back to Missouri in the morning, but Kris, Roz, and I have plans--after I'm radiated, of course.

Thank you, God, for this wonderful day and for these enduring friendships. I am truly blessed.

xxooxx

Oops, another week gone by

I know how I let that happen--I was out of town half the week and very busy. So, you just get highlights--or lowlights. Tuesdays, we had a humdinger of a storm. It was our first of the season and it was quite something. We're lucky to pick up an inch of rain on a really rainy day--I think we got close to three inches. I made my way through the storm to see my therapist downtown. I only had to walk from my car to the BART, BART to his office, then repeat the process in reverse after the appointment. Even so, I felt a bit like a tea bag when I got to his office--not even half a block from the station. When I got home, Glenn greeted me with, "You aren't going to be very happy." Water was running through the light fixture in my bedroom onto the middle of the foot of my bed. No, I wasn't happy We quickly stripped the bed down to where it was dry--under the mattress pad--and put large pots in strategic places to catch the drips. I noticed that it stopped dripping in the afternoon. It was still raining, but the wind was no longer blowing a gale. I called Elaine to get Mark over here to look at it. Mark put the roof on in 1992. He wasn't able to make it over that day, but his supposition, and mine, was that it was more of a wind problem than a leak. The roof should have several more good years. He'll take care of it. I'm not worried. It may have been God's little way of getting me to change everything and wash everything on the bed. God has a strange sense of humor.
Wednesday, I threw my stuff together and Dory picked me up around 10:30 for our annual trek down to Grand Chapter. It was in Visalia this year. Many things were very good. We walked out of our hotel and into the convention center. There were no stairs involved in getting in and out of the arena. The seats weren't particularly comfortable. I had to keep my feet elevated, so we found a seat behind a place with two armrests on the seats in front of me and there was room to put keep my feet up most of the time. It wasn't terribly comfortable, but the swelling didn't get any worse and once and a while I can not only see ankles but feel shinbone! It was wonderful, as always to see friends I only see once a year. Everyone told me I looked great. I thanked them. I'm used to my pain med level now and I don't feel bad--It was exhausting being in grown-up lady clothes for four days. I got home before 5 this afternoon and was in my jammies by 6. The food at Grand Chapter was a different story. The hotel restaurant absolutely was not ready for us. We went to one banquet at the convention center, which was really bad, and one luncheon at one of the hotels off site that was a really good meal--not just a good banquet meal. We had one evening with nothing to do, so we walked through the downtown area and found a delicious dinner.
Grand Chapter itself was interesting. I have been going to every one since 1982, so I've been to a lot of Grand Chapter weeks now. The officers presided beautifully. The legislation was interesting--no, challenging, but handled smoothly and efficiently. I love going to Grand Chapter. I hope to be able to make it to many more.
We thought about coming home by way of Yosemite, but we didn't leave Visalia till after 11. Good judgment prevailed and we came straight home. Dory did all the driving, so i was able to get lots of knitting done. We have a great time together. I am so blessed to have her for a friend.
Tomorrow is a big day--the start of my radiation and a reunion with my BFF's from junior high school. The four of us haven't been together since August 13, 1966! We've all known each other for 50 years! How is this possible when I am only 21? Looking forward with great anticipation.
xxooxx

Evening Sunshine

God puts special in your life. I had a visit this evening with my friend Mary--or Baby Mary as she was when I first met her. Her parents were friends of Lee's for a long time before he was married, I think before they were married and before any of them had any children. Mary came with the group that came into my life when I started seeing Lee seriously, the Gateswingers. I met Mary on her 10th birthday. Mary's birthday is July 4 and Lee and his children had gone to the July 4 party at Mary's parents home for years. Mary and I were kindred spirits at sight. Both of our birthdays are in July. We each have older sisters so we knew that younger sisters rule. Mary was at our wedding. Mary and her family came to Jones Gulch while the girls were growing up. Mary and I hung out at the Gulch. In her late teens, Mary started working at Macy's in Hillsdale--in the Fat Lady department--so I bought my clothes from Mary for a few years, till she really grew up and moved to Sacramento. I missed Mary's wedding because I had another commitment, but I would much rather have been at Mary's wedding than where I was.

Anyway, Mary spent the day with her parents today, and stopped by for a visit on her way back to Sacramento. That was my ray of sunshine today. Mary brought tea and treats and joy. She also brought me a glass pumpkin--see picture. I took Mary's picture too--she's much prettier than I am, but I promised I wouldn't put it on Facebook, so it will just be shared with Glenn and Elaine who grew up with her. I think Mary's sister is about Glenn's age and Mary is just a few months younger than Elaine. We had a lovely visit. We had years to make up and many hugs to exchange. I had a wonderful time--I hope Mary did too. I didn't feel loopy, I wasn't in pain. Tea and treats are a perfect way to spend an evening. So thank you, God, for putting Mary into my life. She was a delightful child and has grown up to be a lovely woman. Come to think of it, God sends many wonderful people my direction. I am blessed.

xxooxx

It's still Friday for a few more minutes

I've been getting used to the higher level of pain meds this week, so things have sort of blended. Wednesday's highlight was craft circle at church. We still need to encourage more people to come. It is a very enjoyable way to spend an hour.
Thursday I took benedryl with the pain meds in the morning, because the pain meds can make me itchy and they were. Not a problem. I went back to sleep till 12:35. So much for the morning. My good friend came over in the afternoon and we chatted and had tea. She has taken it upon herself to help me stay hydrated, so when she comes over, we always have tea. Right now we're drinking Vanilla Pomegranate. It's really good.
Because I was still pretty loopy, I asked Dory for a ride to chapter last night. I feel OK driving in the daylight, but night time is still a little scary. Chapter was interesting. It was also Elections. I managed to get myself elected Associate Matron. My friend Mike Mancusso will serve as my Associate Patron. I think Mike and I will have a good time in 2011.
I've been a little less loopy today. I had a follow up with the cardiologist in the afternoon. He assured me that my heart is doing well. I've made some progress on the fluid retention. He asked me if I was keeping my legs up. Uh, not really. It is hard to play Facebook with my feet up. He suggested I figure out a way, because elevation will help. I now have a box under my desk and I'm trying to keep my feet up on it. I think it will work. Keeping them elevated at Grand Chapter will be another issue. It will look really tacky if I drape my legs over the seat in front of me. I guess I'll cross that bridge when it hatches. At least I won't be sitting on ice this year.
I must have gotten all my weeping for the week out on Monday--the remainder of the week has been pretty dry. I know that weeping when you need to is OK, but it can be exhausting. Nothing has really changed--except I don't hurt as much--maybe that has been a big change.
I've been checking up on Gloriann all week and she is doing well. The surgery took more out of her than she expected. While I do remind her that she isn't 18 any more, I also let her know that she is on track and it is all right for her to feel like she's been hit by a truck. She had surgery.
That's it for now. oops--I just slopped over into Saturday. Better get to bed.
xxooxx

No accounting for things

Just to let you know, today i think I could watch Old Yeller and All Mine to Give and not shed a tear. m Of course, I'm also a little loopy today with my pain meds doubled. I'll get used to that in a few days and things will be back to semi-normal. I don't know why I was so weepy yesterday. I think I will take loopy over weepy any day. Weeping just wrings all your energy--and I don't come stocked with much of that as it is. Anyway, I guess today is a good day. Still feeling twinges of pain, but I know it is not a great many bad things, so I'll just live with it--live being the action word there. Things are good.
xxooxx

Good days and less than good days

Saturday, I got to VISIT someone in the hospital! I haven't been a visitor since Lee's last hospitalization. My dear friend Gloriann had knee replacement surgery on Friday. She was doing remarkably well. I spent some time with her, watched her physical therapy. As I said, she was doing remarkably well. I left because she needed her sleep--something in short supply in the hospital--and to watch the Cal-USC game--when it ceased being a good day. Cal got the snot kicked out of them. The only saving grace is that they weren't beaten as badly as they were they week before. They get a rest next Saturday, to lick their wounds, I think, then it is on to UCLA. I've been watching Cal football for over 40 years, so I am used to this sort of thing. Trouble is, they've been good, off and on, and it does get your hopes up.
Sunday, I woke up at 9:17--not bad except church starts at 10. I was only a few minutes late--they were singing the opening hymn. When I got home, I started making the drunk chicken. I wanted some of it to be ready for Glenn to take to work for his dinner. It was work, but by the second round, I pretty much had it down to a science. The house smelled very good. I got to watch both the 49ers and the SF Giants win their games. Of course, once I had two casserole dishes full of chicken, onions, salt port, mushrooms, brandy, wine, and a few seasonings, Elaine called in tears to say that she was just in too much pain to come. Not a problem, said I, I understand. But I also resolved never to shop for dinner until they are actually on prem, as we used to say at the phone company. If the grocery store is open, I can shop for whatever we want. If not, we can order pizza or Chinese. What to do, what to do. Glenn had taken some for his dinner, so I only had nine pieces of chicken to think about. As I said, no problem. I called my friend Dory and we had a delightful dinner. I also sent some with Glenn when he went to visit his friend Ed today and I took a care package to Gloriann and her husband. Gloriann went home yesterday with her new knee!
Today has been a very weepy day. I saw my oncologist this morning. She still can't find a reason for my pain. It may be muscle spasms or it may be admissions. The lymph node shouldn't be causing this level of pain. So, we upped my pain meds, hoping to control what we cannot cure. We talked about how sick I am or am not. She thinks ten years would be a stretch, but I'm not about to check out in the near future, unless I walk in front of a bus, and I'm not planning on that. I should be fine for Yosemite in May and Yellowstone in July with Glenn. Intellectually, I know that I'm doing OK, but emotionally, I'm a wreck. The tears just slide down my face and once the floodgates open, there is no stopping them. Of course it is one way to take care of the fluid retention problem. I got a hug from Dr. Chee, and she patted my hand. She did not say, "Poor thing, poor, poor thing." But then, I wasn't sitting under a palm tree in Akron, Ohio, either (See Harvey--one of my faves).
I went to visit Gloriann in the afternoon, with my care package of drunk chicken. She was up, lounging on the couch. She walked, with her walker, to the bathroom and back, and when I left, got up to see me to the door. She is doing amazingly well. We had a nice visit, sitting and talking, or not, as only old friends can. Gloriann and I worked together at the phone company. I met her in 1971. We have each been through a great deal of life over the years. It is God's own mercy that we never had a crisis at the same time. We've laughed ourselves stupid and cried rivers, broken bread together. We share too many private jokes to count. It takes very little to set us into gales of laughter--or tears. I wouldn't give up a minute of the time we've spent together.
I had drunk chicken for dinner--oh my, it was really good tonight. I don't usually like leftovers, but the chicken spent the night sopping up all those flavors. Not pretty, but really yummy.
There we are. I'm still weepy, but I'll get past it. There is much retained fluid to squeeze out.
I have NOTHING on the schedule tomorrow. No doctor appointment, no blood draw (that's for Wednesday), nothing. Maybe I'll take a walk.
xxooxx

And now it is October

I remember last October. Things were good. I'd finished radiation, I was done, done, done. I'd had cancer and it was gone. My hair was coming back. I spent my 30th anniversary at the SMI Spa. I was looking forward to Grand Chapter and Yosemite. This year, I spent my anniversary getting an ultrasound of my legs. Yesterday, I went to the Cancer Center for my simulation--a bunch of CT scans that they use to build your body on the computer so that they can aim your radiation to the exact spot they want it. I asked them to make me a better body while they were at it. I got the results of my endoscopy--one more report where I look wonderful on paper. It is frustrating because the pain is still there. I'm thinking it's the cancer, since I don't seem to have anything else. The only medical procedure I had today was a little blood draw.
The exciting thing that happened today was that I signed all the papers for my reverse mortgage. That will take some of the pressure off. If Lee and I had never refinanced, the house would have been paid off last year--but we did and we enjoyed the benefits. I think there is something about not crying over spilt milk and hindsight being 20/20. The reason things are proverbs is because they are all true. If I were still working, life would be grand, but I'm not, and I can't, so there's no use thinking about that either. I think this was the way to go, at least for me at this time in what I have left of my life.
So, back to things medical. I did a really hard thing too today--I postponed my annual October trip to Yosemite (to mid-May, which should be spectacular). I did it for two reasons. First, so that I can start radiation sooner--most likely on the 19th just after Grand Chapter (that I don't want to give up for anything--I haven't missed a Grand Chapter since 1982). Second, there will be a gathering of my BFF's on the 19th. My good friends from Junior High. Andrea will be in the area from Missouri and Kris will be flying up from SoCal. Roz lives across the bay. I can't think when the four of us were last together--not in this century, probably not since the 60's. Kris last saw Andrea in 1977. I last saw her in 1995 when Lee and I went through Missouri on our last breakneck vacation (5800 miles or so in two weeks--after that, I planned the trips with some down time to rest). Roz probably last saw Andrea at my wedding. Kris and Roz came to see me in the hospital last year. It will be a wonderful reunion. Still, canceling Yosemite was hard. I got the reservation for May with two beds. Maybe I'll auction off the other space. I can go by myself, but it is better with a buddy.
That's it for tonight.
xxooxx