The Sixth Day of Christmas

Whew!  How did we get here already?  It has been a busy week.  Tuesday the 22nd was therapist day.  I made chocolate chip cookies for Glenn, but don't remember what else I did--probably work on the puzzle and think about all the things I had to do.  Wecnesday started with brunch with a dear friend, then a visit with the Radiation Oncologist, who is concerned that I am still having pain that breaks through the morphine I'm taking--I'll see him again next month after my CT scan.  That visit was followed by a trip to the mall for last minute Christmas shopping then to the grocery store for Christmas dinner fixings.  An added plus for that task was running into a friend from the phone company.
Now we're to Christmas Eve, and things really get busy.  I had to make sure I didn't work myself to death, so I would work on the puzzle till I found a piece, then do a task.  The tasks accomplished included putting out three nativity sets, making three different kinds of cookies, cubing a loaf and a half of french bread and seasoning it for stuffing, chopping the onions for the stuffing, fixing dinner for Glenn, taking a nap, then attending Christmas Eve 11 o'clock service where I was one of the readers.  I had it easier than Glenn, because he had to be at work at seven on Christmas morning.  I got up, did the same routine with the puzzle to enforce rest.  I made two kinds of cranberry sauce, finished the stuffing, stuffed the 20 pound turkey and got it into the oven by noon.  Mark and Elaine and the kids got to the house around 2.  Here's a picture of the tree before presents were opened:

The grandchildren and Mark were enthusiastic about the puzzle, each one lending their efforts to find pieces.  The girls had to go with their other grandmother to their cousin's house for dinner, but I kept them at the house till after Glenn got home so we could all be together for a few minutes.  Monica gave me an album with pictures from out trip and a key-chain with a digital picture viewer, preloaded with trip pictures.

I was sad the girls couldn't be with us for dinner, but we had a good time.  I made a splendid dinner--turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauces, carrots and parsnips, red and gold potatos, green salad and waldorf salad.  I never think about dessert--no one needed it.  A good time was had by all.  Glenn and Elaine took care of the clean-up while Mark and Ryan worked on the puzzle.

Saturday, I could barely move.  I slept a lot.  The only thing I HAD to do was make tomato soup for Sunday lunch.  Sunday was another good day.  I had to be alert for church, because I am Worship Leader this month and we had a guest Pastor.  Right after church, I called my BFF Roz, who was even then on the BART with our BFF Tobie heading to San Bruno.  I got their location and figured out how much longer I could graze on cookies at church.  I got to the BART station just before their train came in.  Tobie is another friend from jonior high, so another person I've known for 50 years.  The last time I saw her was at the hospital a few weeks before my mother died in 1992.  A good many hugs were shared.  Roz and Tobie came to my house for lunch and memories.  Somehow, I didn't get pictures this time.  That was my error.  Kris is hoping to come north again in April.  We'll get Tobie to that reunion and I'll be sure to get pictures then.  I took them back to the BART station somewhat after 3.  I came home for serious puzzle working.  I placed the last peice about 10:45.  Here is the completed puzzle:

It was hard to the very last piece.  I started it before Thanksgiving.  I left it up for a while.

Monday Glenn and I (mostly Glenn) had to get the house ready for my sister--well, sort of ready.  I'd made plans with Elaine for her to come over to make more cookies, and to my surprise, she, Mark, and Ryan got here before noon.  I was barely up.  Elaine was a real helper cleaning Glenn's room for my sister and cleaning the bathroom.  It was a little chaotic, but it was good chaos.  Somewhere in the afternoon I managed to make cookie dough and get it into the refrigerator.  Elaine and Mark went off to see if they could steal the girls from the other grandmother and also bring Mark's daughter, Rachel, up for dinner with my sister.  There were unsuscessful on each mission, but later in the afternoon, the OG called to ask if we would like her to drop the girls off when she picked them up after the movie.  That was a big YES.  By then, the puzzle was back in the box and going home with my daughter so that they could have the joy of putting it together.

Gretchen arrived just as it was starting to rain.  We had a dinner of left overs.  The girls arrived just as we were starting dinner.  It was so wonderful to have my family all together for a meal.  Here's the crowd:

It was a wonderful night for me.  Exhausting, but wonderful.

Tuesday was another reunion.  Our Mother had a first cousin, Evelyn, who lines in Marin County.  I've kept in touch with her over the years, but probably hadn't seen her since the early 70's.  Gretchen called her before she came up and we make plans for lunch.  Here we are with our cousin, Evelyn:

We had a delightful lunch in Larkspur then browsed the shops.  As with all the reunions I've had this year, it was as though no time had passed since the last time we were together.  Evelyn is one cool LOL--that would be in the pre-e-mail usage of the letters.  Her mind is sharp and she is funny, and I'm happy to be related to her.  Gretchen and I came home in the late afternoon.  We had another dinner of left overs and watched the Kennedy Center Honors, one of my favorite programs of the year.  I got to bed was too late.

Gretchen was up and dressed before I woke up.  We had breakfast and got her on her way.  I went back to sleep and slept until Glenn got home around 12:30.  I spent most of the afternoon nodding off.  Like Saturday, I never got out of my jammies.  I'm looking forward to a restful next few days with NOTHING to do.

xxooxx

Getting There

It was a work hard day today.  Glenn and I bought the Christmas tree on Friday when the weather was good (and a good thing, too, because today has been a real Christmas day--see previous post).  The first thing we/I had to do was clear space for the tree then actually get it up from the garage, because the elves were coming in the afternoon to trim it.  I'm so far along on the jelly belly puzzle that I don't want to just give up and put it back in the box, so we had to work around the card table.  Because my stamina is still non-existant, I hade a deal with myself to make sure I rested.  Find a piece for the puzzle, pick up something.  I thought that was going to be a good idea till I started finding pieces.  Glenn has all the stamina in the world, so he wanted to get it done.  When I would start to drip with sweat, I knew it was time to sit for a while.  Still, we did manage to clear a path and a place to put the tree.  Oops--it's a big tree.  Glenn was also dripping by the time he got it upstairs.  I helped.  I also vacuumed up lots of needles.  I love my new vacuum cleaner!  I'd love it more if it came with a maid, but nothing is perfect.  I watched my soap opera and dried off.  The elves arrived right on schedule, God bless them, and we now have a beautiful trimmed tree.  I still need to put up the nativity sets, including the one that was up from Dec 2007 till Jan 2009.  If I hadn't put it away, I wouldn't have to get it out--just dust it.  I opened up the tiny nativity I got in Chartes--wish I'd gotten a ton of those, they would have made great gifts.  Gifts--I need to do something about those too.  Good thing there are still a few days before Christmas.
xxooxx

Stranger than Fiction

Those of you who know my son will just say, "Of course."  Those of you who don't will just have to take my word for it.  Yesterday afternoon, I took a long nap in the afternoon, waking around 7.  I didn't feel like eating but thought I needed to come up with something for Glenn.  Not a problem, he'd gone out and picked up something for himself.  He said he would have asked me, but I out sleeping.  He had to eat and run because he was seeing a friend.  I know several of Glenn's friends and most of them don't have a clue where his working hours are concerned.  Not to worry, he said, he'd be home early.  And he was.  He got home before 10.
His phone rang at 11ish--see what I mean, no clue about hours.  I wasn't asleep yet, and he poked his head in my room and asked if we still had our cat carrier.  Now we haven't had a cat for years--maybe 10, and I have no idea what happened to the carrier.  Seems the friend he saw had been given a puppy and was flying out at 8 in the morning.  They'd been looking for one when he was out earlier.  I told him he could go ahead and look, but good luck.  Off he went downstairs to the warehouse.  Ho luck, so he was back up shortly and said he would be going out--he had one more thought.  I went to sleep like a person and I was asleep when he left for work.
So for you Paul Harvey fans, here's the rest of the story.  He went to a 24-hour Walgreens to see if they had a pet carrier.  He asked the clerk who was talking with a customer.  The customer said she used to have a small dog that she took everywhere.  Her family had been talking about having a garage sale and including this pet carrier it in.  If he wanted, Glenn could wait till she got what she needed and follow her home and check it out.  Remember, it's by now around midnight and these were perfect strangers.  Glenn waited, followed her home, checked it out, and it was better than perfect.  He gave her $20.00, thanked her, and was off to where his lady friend (did I say it was a lady?  I believe not) was staying and presented her with the pet carrier.  She flew off to Georgia (where she will be living) this morning with her new puppy and presumable all went well.
What are the chances?  Less than none.  Why did Glenn take on this impossible task?  Well, that's just Glenn.  And because he is a good soul, good things happen.  I'm still shaking my head about the whole thing, but it is all very Glenn.  Someone needed something and he make it happen.  There are angels and I think my son is one of them.
xxooxx

OK, It's Christmas Season

It is three o'clock in the afternoon and it is dark outside.  It has been dark all day.  It is raining cats and dogs and there is a fine fog.  Now why would this make it Christmas Season?  It is amazing the things that stick with us.  When I was a wee little thing, and I actually was, once upon a time, it was the last day of school before Christmas vacation.  I was in kindergarten, so it was my first last day before Christmas vacation.  I remember walking home to Etna Street (and that is how I know I was in kindergarten) in a driving rain storm.  Since then, driving rain and fog in December makes me smile and remember my tiny self splashing home.  The only thing that could make it more Christmasy would be making fudge and chocolate chip cookies.  They will come sometime within the next two weeks.  For now, the dark clouds and the rain and cold are good enough for me.
I had to go out today, since the mail finally included the rent check and I wanted to deposit it, so I got to experience the joy of the storm--somewhat more appealing when watching from the inside out.  I dug through the closet to find my snow/rain boots, so my feet were toasty.  I'll be needing those boots come February.  I feel good today, so it was OK.  I did not feel good yesterday.  I think 10 hours of sleep helped.  I'm still pretty fatigued from the radiation.  It has been three weeks now, so maybe there's only one more week of exhaustion.
Back to working on the Christmas cards or working on the puzzle.  The puzzle has to be finished before we can haul a tree into the living room, so it is a toss up which task needs doing more.  Now would be the time to clone myself.
xxooxx

Recovering from Radiation

You haven't heard form me in a while because I haven't been doing anything.  Radiation hit me harder than I expected.  Sometimes I feel a little nauseaus, but mostly I just feel tired.  I do too much then I sleep.  A nap us usually two to three hours and unless I'm doing anything early in the morning, I always get at least eight hours at night.
To catch you us on the highlights (few though they may be), as I left off, my niece, Victoria, was running in a 40 mile race.  Gretchen, Jim, and I bundled into the car in the afternoon to drive the hour or so into the hinterland to watch her finish.  That was exciting--cold, but exciting.  Victoria was a very tired girl and was really happy when her father volunteered to drive her car home.  I'm glad I stayed over Saturday.  I would hate to have missed that thrill.
The drive home Sunday wasn't bad till about Prunedale, then 101 turned into a parking lot (you can tell that I'm a Northern California native because I don't say "The" 101).  Traffic pretty much let up when I hit 85.  It was good to get home, even if I did get home after Glenn went to work and I had to schlep all my stuff upstairs myself.  That caused another round of exhaustion.  I'm sort of glad I had to put Sonoma off till January.
Nothing much till Wednesday, when I started with an 8:30 doctor (a NON CANCER doctor) appointment, a haircut in the city, lunch with an ex-boss, and shopping.  That was a killer day and I paid for it.  I had a good time, but I paid for it.
It's been mostly resting and Facebook since then.  I did manage the first draft of my Christmas letter--good thing, since the cards have been coming in since the first.  I figure if I have them in the mail by the 18th, I've won the battle.
Back to the current puzzle--all jelly bellies.  I think I've been working on it a month already.
xxooxx

Hanging at my Sister's

Spelling and finger dyslexia warning--they have changed blogspot and I don't know where the spellcheck went.  I'll try, but spelling and proof-reading have never been my strengths.
The drive down was glorious--warm and clear but with the tang of autumn.  I had lunch at Margie's Diner in Paso Robles, where they make about the best fries in the world.  I'm sure they are cooked in something terribly toxic and I don't care.
I've been having a great visit with my sister and her family.  Gretchen has been very considerate of my post-radition malaise and has let me get plenty of rest.  Sleeping late, naps, what more could you ask for.  I sat in the sunshine and kept the dogs company.  The weather has been spectatular.  Wednesday's outing was the Museum of Natural History--a little gem tucked away in Santa Barbara.  We weren't the only ones who thought it was a good idea; still, the museum is big enough that it can accomodate lots of people and small enough that it didn't wear me out.  Everywhere we looked the views were amazing on the drive to and from. 
Thanksgiving Day was restful and casual.  We had been invited to have dinner with my nephew's landlords, Flash and Tina.  The beauty of having Thanksgiving at someone else's house is that you don't wear yourself out cooking, though we did make three different kinds of cranberry sauce (I made the plain old fashioned one) and Gretchen made an apple pie and a green bean salad.  I watched football.
Thanksgiving Dinner was a wonderful experience.  We had to park a bit away from the house, so I was winded and exhausted when we got there.  I sat down to catch my breath and of course, got weepy.  At the least little sentimental thought I become a watering can.  I hate it, but what can you do.  Tears come like the tide and won't be stopped.  I never really know what sets them off.  Fortunately, everyone but Gretchen was busy with much preperation, so I didn't weep all over the world.  Once drained, I had a lovely time.  Flash and Tina were warm and generous hosts as well as being interesting and charming people.  Jim brought champagne.  I was pretty sure my meds wouldn't like it, but I did.  Even bad champagne is good, and this was very good champagne.  The property has a huge yard with an amazing brick fireplace that I wanted.  We had dinner by a roaring fire, under the stars.  Gretchen and I were sitting near the fireplace--we were warm and toasty.  One of the guests, a young man named Andy Chang, is s sushi chef.  He was in charge of carving the bird.  The show of carving was worth the price of admission (or would have been, had there been a charge).  Naturally, I left my camera at Gretchen's house and my little gizmo to transfer the pictures to the computer at my house.  Many pictures were taken,  If Gretchen or Victoria send me one or some (large hint),  I will include it or them in a later post.  Everything was delicious.  Picky eater that I am, I enjoyed everything--even though it was quite dark by the time we ate and I couldn't eat one thing at a time as I usually do.  As we were dining under the stars, I thought of friends in other parts of the country where it is really coming on winter and I must say, I gloated and gloried in the evening.  It started to get cold, so pie was eaten indoors--by the fire in the living room.  Getting me off the couch took three strong men and a boy, and it wasn't pretty, but I did it.  This is my third Thanksgiving since I lost Lee.  Each one has been special and each one included a few challanges.  This year, except for the weepy bouts, has been delightfully challange free.
Yesterday morning--well, late morning--Gretchen took me for a ride with views to admire.  The family went wine tasting in the afternoon--I took two naps.  While I was napping the wind came up with a vengance.  Gretchen had a tennis date after the wine tasting.  The rest of us agreed that we were happy not to be her, trying to play tennis in a hurricane.
This morning was another drive with errends,  Victoria is off on a 40 mile race and Gretchen and Jim are at a 50th anniversary party.  My original intenion was go to home today, thinking they would have had enough of me by now, but Gretchen looked hurt when I suggested it, so I'll be driving home tomorrow with the rest of the world.  Kyle will be coming over for dinner tonight, so it will be nice to see him again this trip.
I'm afraid I've turned into the feeble old aunt that people need to help in and out of chairs and up and down stairs.  Part of me hates it and the other part knows that I am helped out of love, so I appreciate it.
The only real downside to going away for Thanksgiving is no left overs.  I'm sure Glenn would be happy for me to do a turkey dinner sometime and I almost think we could find friends to join us.  Now there's a thought.
That's it for now.  It might be nap time or it might be Facebook time.  We'll see.
xxooxx

Advent is earlier this year and will last longer

Friday was my last radiation. I was not welcomed with flowers and cake, but I did get hugs, and hugs are better than just about anything--except maybe diamonds. I saw Dr. Chee in the afternoon (my little Cal Bear of an oncologist).  So now we wait. Apparently, getting zapped with radiation is only half the battle. Now that I've been zapped, the radiation has to do its work. This takes time. I get to learn a new skill. I get to learn patience. Dr. Chee put in the order for my next CT scan, but it won't be till the middle of January, at which time, we will see what the radiation accomplished and the next game plan will be made. I'm in cancer limbo now, just waiting.

Yesterday was not a waiting day. Yesterday was the church Thanksgiving Dinner, for which I have been chief cook for the last several years. I arrived at church shortly after 9 in the morning, ready to work. As always, I had a crew of helpers who make the time go by with laughter and conversation. I start with cranberry sauce, to get that smell going. We dispatched six bags of cranberries and moved on to stuffing--yet more smells to fill the church. This year there were five turkeys--four to be stuffed and one to be gluten free--though we did stuff it with onions because I just couldn't handle the thought of cooking a turkey with NOTHING inside of it. The birds were all in the oven by 12:30. It is always such an act of faith to stick the birds in the oven then go home and trust that they will be cooked when you get back. My BIG sacrifice this year was BIG GAME. The game started at 4:30 and that's when I had to be back at church for the rest of the festivities. When I first started cooking the Thanksgiving Dinner, we had it on a Friday. The only thing that ran interference with it was Pacific Star Chapter's installation. I have been knows to finish up the dinner in a formal. When they moved the dinner to Saturday, it always hits on BIG GAME DAY. Now this is manageable when big game starts at 12:30 or 1--get the birds in the oven, come home, watch the game, change clothes, get back to church and finish up. I had my little radio with me, but it isn't the same. Still, I was able to maintain contact and knew what was going on most of the time.
Back at the church, God worked His miracles. The building was full of wonderful smells. The birds were cooked. I tried to take the first one out of the oven and got yelled at. Birds out of the oven, stuffing out of the birds, unstuffed birds handed off to the cravers while we collected juices for gravy. My last job is making the gravy, which is pretty much by guess and by gosh. Too thick? Add water or more juice, if available, not thick enough? Mix cold water and flour to make more roux. Find volunteer tasters to see if it needs more salt of pepper, and stir, stir, stir. There will be no lumps in this gravy. And listen to the game. Finally, everything is ready to eat. By this time, I took the first percocet of the day. The Thanksgiving Dinner is always a big success, and last night was no different. We had a good crowd and lots of good food. After dinner, the tables were cleared and put away and the chairs were brought back into pew formation. It was time for the last act of the day--the talent show and Open Mic Night. We started with Anne and the Bethany Brawlers, playing Simple Gifts and a nice leisurely tempo then switching to Pigtown Fling as fast as I could play it. We got the crowd clapping in time to the music. We rearranged our percussion section--that was Fred switching from the spoons to the bodhran, and played Riding on a Load of Hay. One more instrument change for Fred and we closed with Ashokan Farewell. After that, I was officially allowed to be tired. I checked the score again--we won!--then sat through the rest of the show, looking sort of glassy-eyed. It was a great show, as usual. I must admit, I was happy to finally go home. I didn't set the alarm and still made it up in time for church today. I am now hanging out, which I intend to do tomorrow too. And wait. I think I shall wait tomorrow.
That's it.
xxooxx

Nothing Really New

It's been a while, so I thought I should let you know I'm still alive. I have two more days of radiation. My lovely 10:10 appointment was bumped up to 8:30 for the next two days to accommodate the breast cancer patients who have special radiation needs. I know it is really small and petty of me, but I'm having my own little war with the breast cancer patients. They get all the headlines, they get the pretty pink ribbon, they get the three day walk--no one even crosses the street for cancer of the peritoneum. There's this fancy new protocol for breast cancer--only five days of radiation, but twice a day at six hour intervals--the rest of us get stuck in around them. I find it annoying, like my cancer isn't as important as theirs is. Do they want to go out back and duke it out? I've probably had it longer and my prognosis is worse than theirs. Glenn just laughs at me when I snort about the breast cancer patients. Only two more days. I see my oncologist on Friday to find out what's next. She doesn't do breast cancer, so I know I won't get bumped there. Bless his heart, Glenn is taking an hour off work to come with me.  He really wants to know what is going on.
I'm getting better at being honest about how I'm doing. If I don't feel good, I'll say so. Sometimes, the clue is that I'll say I'm OK, ass opposed to fine or good. I'm assuming that if people ask, they genuinely want to know.
I'm above the grass, so things are better than they could be.
That's it for now.
xxooxx

So Here's How I've Been Spending my Days

So here is the radiation step of the cancer journey.  First, here's the BIG machine.

And here are my technicians

Now, hop on to the table and get comfortable

Say Cheese!

It was really cold in the Cancer Center today, so they draped my sweater around my neck like a shawl.  After they get me in exactly the right position--every day--they leave the room.  The BIG machine comes down and zaps me, moves around tha zaps me again, moves around again, zaps again, and one more time, which always includes some shaking of the table--I won't know if we're having an earthquake while I'm getting radiation--then one last zap.  After all that, I get to relax my arms--which are usually uncomfortable by that time--the BIG machine moves back into place and the table slides out and the help me off.  See you tomorrow.  Sixteen down, nine to go!

I'm actually feeling sort of crappy today, so I'm pretty much doing nothing.  I saw the doctor today, Dr. Tran, the back-up.  We had a philosophical discussion about making plans.  She said since 9-11 she hasn't been able to plan anyting in the future.  I've always been a planner, so I'm looking forward to the next CAT scan and the next step.  Then I can make plans for the spa and the future.

xxooxx

What Hip Pain?

So after all that excitement yesterday, I woke up today feeling fine--well, my hip felt fine.  Stomach is a little crampy, but I think that's from 15 (times 4) zaps from the big radiation machine.  I was able to run some errands and do the grocery shopping.  Watched two football games--one very exciting and the one I really cared about very sad.  I'm still a "GO BEARS!" girl, but they let me down this afternoon.  Anyway, I feel better.  Ellen Kross is sure she prayed it better.  I think she did.  I'm ready for the next round of thrills.
xxooxx

An Interesting Day

I woke up today, when the alarm went off at 7:15, with an intense pain in my left hip shooting down to my knee.  It hurt lying down, it hurt standing up, it hurt sitting down.  In my former life, I would just have thought I slept wrong and the pain would go away after a bit.  Around 8, I took a percocet, which didn't help much.  It did, however, make me loopy enough that I didn't think driving would be a good idea.  I called my friend Ellen Kross from church, who has offered taxi service if required.  Ellen is a retired nurse.  She was happy to drive me to radiation, but told me if I didn't tell them about the pain, she would.  I told Lynn, the radition oncology nurse, who runs the joint.  She asked a bunch of questions then decided the person to call was Dr. Chee or her PA.  While this was going on, they called me for radiation, so off I hobbled.  Shot full of toxic rays, I went back to the waiting room.  Lynn had left a message.  She called them back while we waited.  The concensus was that I should try to see my orthopediest.  I called his office--by 10:30 the doctors were gone for the day to do surgery, so there was no one to see.  I called Dr. Chee's office back.  Dr. Chee was with a patient, but I should go home and she would call me there.
Off we went. I thanked Ellen for the ride and went inside. At noon, I took another percocet. It helped a little more. Dr. Chee called me just before 2. She wanted me to get x-rays just to rule out cancer problems. Hello, Ellen, how do you feel about more taxi service? I could have waited for Glenn to get off work, but the prudent thing seemed to be to get it done ASAP. Dr. Chee faxed the order to the hospital (not the same one where I spend my mornings, the one closer to my house) so it was waiting for me. I think I had a student doing the work. He was very kind and very polite, but there were several people helping him. I'm still hoping that I slept funny, but lying on the x-ray table my brain was crowed with cancer questions and I got weepy. I’m sure they all thought it was the pain, and that's OK. I guess I didn't break anything, because they sent me on my way and told me that my doctor would have the results by Monday.
I called Elaine, who is still mending. Things must be getting back to normal, because she didn't have time to talk and said she would call me back. I'm still waiting. While I was waiting, though, my sister called, and that was a pleasant surprise. She and Jim are in the bay area for tomorrow's Cal game. She was properly sympathetic for my day. I took yet another percocet at 4 and got really loopy--but more or less pain-free.
So that was my day. Not what I had intended. I didn't have anything planned--good thing, plans were made for me.
I'm feeling pretty anesthetized right now. Guess I won't sleep on my left side tonight. Maybe I'll wake up with my right hip hurting...
xxooxx

They Also Love Who Sit and Wait

I started the day off with, gosh, radiation--13 down 12 to go--then I was off to San Ramon Regional Medical Center, where I was NOT the patient. I got there about 11:45 and waited for Elaine and Mark to get there. They were due in around noon. Elaine's surgery was scheduled for 1:30. They were only a little bit late, which, for Elaine, is early (if you know her, you understand). She was one nervous little girl. We kept things light and waited with her during pre-op. I let her know that it was OK to be nervous and it was OK to cry if she needed to. Mark had to leave before they came to get her, he being on kid pick-up duty. I alternately rubbed her feet, held her hand, and knit, keeping the conversation light. They eventually gave her something for the anxiety, which helped--a little. Finally, it was time to take her to the OR. I got to go with her and stay with her while she was in a holding pattern--holding her hand, patting her face, stroking her brow. The surgeon came to talk with us--37years old, really handsome, exuding an air of confidence. I knew my little girl would be in good hands. They finally came to take her to the actual OR. I went back to the pre-op room, picked up our stuff, and dumped it in the trunk, then went in search of food. It was about 2. I had soup, crackers, OJ, and cookies--enough to keep me going. Back to the car to get my knitting stuff, then into the surgery waiting room to wait. And wait. Mark got back somewhat after three, all the children being fetched and dumped at the house with instructions to clean up and do homework. It was after five when the surgeon came to talk to us. All went well. He said it was the second largest bulging disk he has ever seen. It came out in one piece and the actual surgery was a slam dunk. He said Elaine was able to move everything and that there should be no complications. She should be out of pain once she recovers from the surgery. We got a call from the Post-OP unit. Elaine wanted to see us, so we went trotting down the hall. There were no other patients there, so we could stay with her. Poor little thing--she really did look like she had been ridden hard and put away muddy. They got her set up with a PCA, set to dispense on six minute intervals. The PCA is your new best friend after surgery. Post-Op was about an hour. At 6:05, we were once again, trotting through the halls to the ICU, where we got to wait while they got her in her room. In short order, her nurse came to get us and take us back to her room. She was already starting to perk up a bit; she was able to sip a little Sprite. I was going to wait till she went to sleep, but it had been a very long day for me and I still had an hour drive home, so I left a little before 7. I was famished, so I came home by way of Burger King. I called the hospital and spoke with her nurse around 8:30. She was sitting up and taking broth. I told her nurse to let her know that I'd made it home safely. I also called Mark, as ordered (by Elaine) to let him know that I'd made it home without incident.


So now I'm blogging. It has been a very long day, but I would not have been anywhere else. Earlier in the week when we talked, Elaine didn't think I needed to be there during the surgery. I needed to be there. I think she was glad her mommie was there. I would have been a wreck worrying at home.

My impressions of the hospital--a small but state of the art facility. Everyone was unfailingly kind. I think in a bigger hospital, she would have just been put in a regular room. This is small enough that she gets the extra care of the ICU. At no time did anyone seem too busy to answer a question or to make us all feel comfortable. It is a long way away for me--come to think of it, it is a bit of a drive from Elaine's house--but I am so glad that they are taking care of Elaine. She will be kept as comfortable as possible in a cervical collar with a fresh wound in her neck. The nurse said she would probably be going home tomorrow. There was some talk about her coming her to recuperate, but I think she will want to go to her own home. Except for the ride home, which is unavoidable, she isn't allowed to even travel in a car for two weeks. I know she couldn't be away from her babies for that long--even if they do frustrate her. They are all old enough now to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of her.

I'm tired. I'll check the Facebook crops and then contemplate bed. I think I'll go to radiation in the morning.

xxooxx

I know, I know, It's Been a While

Just assume that my life has been really boring when there are big gaps between postings.  The reunion with the Willard Hellcats was so very special that it has been difficult to top it.  Since then, my days have consisted of radiation and whatever else is going on.  The facility where I take my radiation is a really lovely place, inside and out.  The grounds are nicely landscaped and the waiting room is filled with things to keep you entertained.  There is always a jigsaw puzzle going--which reminds me how much I enjoy doing puzzles.  So, I cracked out a puzzle of Vernal Falls that I bought on some trip to Yosemite.  I did that in less than a week--because I had a real treat waiting for me.  The radiation oncology nurse has a stash of puzzles.  Among them is one that a patient gave the center.  It is a very special puzzle, since they go for $500.00 each--this patient orders three of them a year.  They are made of wood and each piece is individually crafted.  The nurse does NOT put this puzzle out of the table for everyone to work on.  When she finds a patient who likes puzzles, she loans it out.  There are 550 pieces.  At first, I wasn't sure I would ever get it done--then maybe that I could find two matching pieces a day.  It occurred to me that I should have taken a picture when I started.  I didn't, but I did take a picture before I started working on it yesterday. 

Here are two pictures I took of the individual shapes:

Note the lovely nails.  Oh, no, this is about the puzzle.  Here are the pieces left in the box, waiting to find homes.

I started working on it yesterday when the Cal game started (Go Bears!).  I finished it sometime during the Oregon-USC game (Go Ducks!)

I am quite proud of myself.  Of course, now that I have finished it and photographed it and blogged about it, I can put it back in the box and take it back to the center for the next poor unsuspecting soul.

On the same subject of puzzles and the radiation oncology center, we've been working on the same puzzle for the two weeks that I've been going there this round.  I've started getting there early to work on the puzzle.  When I got there Friday, I discovered the meanest thing that anyone could do.  Someone had scrambled all the pieces, destroying the corporate work of several devoted fans.  There were several not very happy patients.  I separated out the border pieces and did as much as I could before they interrupted me with the actual reason I was there.  I stayed on for a while, trying to get it back together, but I remembered I that things to do.

One of those things was the marketing.  My niece, Victoria, was coming over for dinner and I was going to make drunk chicken.  Having made it last month for Elaine's non-visit, I was reminded how much fun it was to make and how good it is.  Victoria BARTed over since it is easier and the bay bridge is still broken.  We had a delightful visit.  Victoria was quite taken with the puzzle and helped me with it.
So that's it.  We had a treat at church today with a visit from former members who moved to Texas some 20 years ago.
I think I will go to radiation tomorrow.  10 down, 15 to go.
xxooxx

The Best Continued

Andrea flew home Tuesday, but Kris and Roz and I had another day. Kris picked me up at 9:30 and we went off to my radiation appointment. I was the navigator and I got us there, no problem. Kris takes directions well. After I got zapped, we filled her rental with gas and picked Roz up at the San Bruno BART station. We came up to my house to regroup, then we were off to Golden Gate Park. The drive in took a certain amount of flexibility, since the Great Highway was closed and we missed a turn or two. No problem, after a somewhat circuitous route we got to the parking lot for the Hall of Sciences. I took a picture of the new deYoung Museum, which we didn't visit this trip, but I have a picture of it anyway.

We did visit the Steinhart Aquarium and the Hall of Sciences. We failed to pick up a map on our way in, we sort of bumbled our way around. It didn't matter. We would have had fun in Walmart. We looked at the Swamp and saw the Albino Alligator, which Roz christened White Guy. The name stuck for us. Childhood memories were preserved by the fencing around the exhibit--a row of seahorses that they preserved from the old aquarium. We visited fishes in no particular order but enjoyed the pretty colors. We saw a little of the penguin feeding. We looked at the Rain Forest exhibit, but decided not to view it close up, as it entailed a three story walk up a ramp and neither Roz or I felt up to that. We took a couple of breaks for some rather indifferent food--we didn't find the better restaurant till we were about ready to leave. We did not die of starvation. There was a Mandrake grove that tickled Roz.

I took a picture of the two of them looking at the trees and the fishes then I had them turn around and look at me.

It wasn't the most scientifically laid out visit, but we had fun. We looked at the pendulum that we all remembered from childhood visits. We looked at the African Animal exhibit--most of what we saw we sort of stumbled upon by accident. We got maps on the way out. Next time we will go to the deYoung. It was far more important to be together and talking than where we were. The backdrop was a happy addition but not the purpose of the day.

We had to get Roz to a BART station by 5ish and Kris had an 8:00 PM flight out of San Jose. We hugged one another and we had group hugs and we told one another that we loved each other. Willie Shakespeare was right, parting was sweet sorrow. As with so many other things for me this year, it did not feel like good bye. It felt like something we need to repeat. All of our lives have been so very different than what we planned when we were 12, yet what has remained constant is our love for each other. Beneath the years are the same little girls who thought they were so very sophisticated--actually, we were pretty sophisticated. We had fun together then and we can have fun together now. Now it is sweeter for the various life lessons we've all had. If I didn't tell you often enough, I love you, my friends. I can not imagine two more perfect days.

Glenn took me to radiation today. Now I need to rest up from a week of excitement.

xxooxx

The Best Day

It was a wonderful day. Kris got here just after 9:30 and we had time to catch up before it was off to radiation. That wasn't so best--they took the initial films before I had my first treatment. It was about 45 minutes of lying on a plank with my arms up above my head, not moving. That was a little rough. The rest of the treatments won't be quite as hard. When we got home, I had a message from Andrea at around 10:30 trying to connect with Roz. I called Andrea's cell and happily got Roz--they had connected at a BART station and were already in the city, turning on to my freeway. Oh, the anticipation then! They were at my house in no time at all. We fell on each other. There was 200 years of friendship here in my house. We just hung out--they brought lunch. We ate and chatted and shared pictures and significant life moments. Remember, the last time the four of us were together was August 13, 1966. We had LOTS of catching up to do.

So here they are, my BFF's, Roz, Kris, and Andrea .

We rearranged and took more pictures--here I am with various friends:

There was so much love in the room. We laughed until tears were running and we cried. We were silly junior high girls again and we were women who have all experienced much. Of course, the elephant in the room was the fact that I have a terminal illness. We didn't dwell on it, but we didn't avoid it either. It was, after all, the catalyst for getting us all together. I love a lot of people, but I don't think I love anyone more than these wonderful women. Andrea is flying back to Missouri in the morning, but Kris, Roz, and I have plans--after I'm radiated, of course.

Thank you, God, for this wonderful day and for these enduring friendships. I am truly blessed.

xxooxx

Oops, another week gone by

I know how I let that happen--I was out of town half the week and very busy. So, you just get highlights--or lowlights. Tuesdays, we had a humdinger of a storm. It was our first of the season and it was quite something. We're lucky to pick up an inch of rain on a really rainy day--I think we got close to three inches. I made my way through the storm to see my therapist downtown. I only had to walk from my car to the BART, BART to his office, then repeat the process in reverse after the appointment. Even so, I felt a bit like a tea bag when I got to his office--not even half a block from the station. When I got home, Glenn greeted me with, "You aren't going to be very happy." Water was running through the light fixture in my bedroom onto the middle of the foot of my bed. No, I wasn't happy We quickly stripped the bed down to where it was dry--under the mattress pad--and put large pots in strategic places to catch the drips. I noticed that it stopped dripping in the afternoon. It was still raining, but the wind was no longer blowing a gale. I called Elaine to get Mark over here to look at it. Mark put the roof on in 1992. He wasn't able to make it over that day, but his supposition, and mine, was that it was more of a wind problem than a leak. The roof should have several more good years. He'll take care of it. I'm not worried. It may have been God's little way of getting me to change everything and wash everything on the bed. God has a strange sense of humor.
Wednesday, I threw my stuff together and Dory picked me up around 10:30 for our annual trek down to Grand Chapter. It was in Visalia this year. Many things were very good. We walked out of our hotel and into the convention center. There were no stairs involved in getting in and out of the arena. The seats weren't particularly comfortable. I had to keep my feet elevated, so we found a seat behind a place with two armrests on the seats in front of me and there was room to put keep my feet up most of the time. It wasn't terribly comfortable, but the swelling didn't get any worse and once and a while I can not only see ankles but feel shinbone! It was wonderful, as always to see friends I only see once a year. Everyone told me I looked great. I thanked them. I'm used to my pain med level now and I don't feel bad--It was exhausting being in grown-up lady clothes for four days. I got home before 5 this afternoon and was in my jammies by 6. The food at Grand Chapter was a different story. The hotel restaurant absolutely was not ready for us. We went to one banquet at the convention center, which was really bad, and one luncheon at one of the hotels off site that was a really good meal--not just a good banquet meal. We had one evening with nothing to do, so we walked through the downtown area and found a delicious dinner.
Grand Chapter itself was interesting. I have been going to every one since 1982, so I've been to a lot of Grand Chapter weeks now. The officers presided beautifully. The legislation was interesting--no, challenging, but handled smoothly and efficiently. I love going to Grand Chapter. I hope to be able to make it to many more.
We thought about coming home by way of Yosemite, but we didn't leave Visalia till after 11. Good judgment prevailed and we came straight home. Dory did all the driving, so i was able to get lots of knitting done. We have a great time together. I am so blessed to have her for a friend.
Tomorrow is a big day--the start of my radiation and a reunion with my BFF's from junior high school. The four of us haven't been together since August 13, 1966! We've all known each other for 50 years! How is this possible when I am only 21? Looking forward with great anticipation.
xxooxx

Evening Sunshine

God puts special in your life. I had a visit this evening with my friend Mary--or Baby Mary as she was when I first met her. Her parents were friends of Lee's for a long time before he was married, I think before they were married and before any of them had any children. Mary came with the group that came into my life when I started seeing Lee seriously, the Gateswingers. I met Mary on her 10th birthday. Mary's birthday is July 4 and Lee and his children had gone to the July 4 party at Mary's parents home for years. Mary and I were kindred spirits at sight. Both of our birthdays are in July. We each have older sisters so we knew that younger sisters rule. Mary was at our wedding. Mary and her family came to Jones Gulch while the girls were growing up. Mary and I hung out at the Gulch. In her late teens, Mary started working at Macy's in Hillsdale--in the Fat Lady department--so I bought my clothes from Mary for a few years, till she really grew up and moved to Sacramento. I missed Mary's wedding because I had another commitment, but I would much rather have been at Mary's wedding than where I was.

Anyway, Mary spent the day with her parents today, and stopped by for a visit on her way back to Sacramento. That was my ray of sunshine today. Mary brought tea and treats and joy. She also brought me a glass pumpkin--see picture. I took Mary's picture too--she's much prettier than I am, but I promised I wouldn't put it on Facebook, so it will just be shared with Glenn and Elaine who grew up with her. I think Mary's sister is about Glenn's age and Mary is just a few months younger than Elaine. We had a lovely visit. We had years to make up and many hugs to exchange. I had a wonderful time--I hope Mary did too. I didn't feel loopy, I wasn't in pain. Tea and treats are a perfect way to spend an evening. So thank you, God, for putting Mary into my life. She was a delightful child and has grown up to be a lovely woman. Come to think of it, God sends many wonderful people my direction. I am blessed.

xxooxx

It's still Friday for a few more minutes

I've been getting used to the higher level of pain meds this week, so things have sort of blended. Wednesday's highlight was craft circle at church. We still need to encourage more people to come. It is a very enjoyable way to spend an hour.
Thursday I took benedryl with the pain meds in the morning, because the pain meds can make me itchy and they were. Not a problem. I went back to sleep till 12:35. So much for the morning. My good friend came over in the afternoon and we chatted and had tea. She has taken it upon herself to help me stay hydrated, so when she comes over, we always have tea. Right now we're drinking Vanilla Pomegranate. It's really good.
Because I was still pretty loopy, I asked Dory for a ride to chapter last night. I feel OK driving in the daylight, but night time is still a little scary. Chapter was interesting. It was also Elections. I managed to get myself elected Associate Matron. My friend Mike Mancusso will serve as my Associate Patron. I think Mike and I will have a good time in 2011.
I've been a little less loopy today. I had a follow up with the cardiologist in the afternoon. He assured me that my heart is doing well. I've made some progress on the fluid retention. He asked me if I was keeping my legs up. Uh, not really. It is hard to play Facebook with my feet up. He suggested I figure out a way, because elevation will help. I now have a box under my desk and I'm trying to keep my feet up on it. I think it will work. Keeping them elevated at Grand Chapter will be another issue. It will look really tacky if I drape my legs over the seat in front of me. I guess I'll cross that bridge when it hatches. At least I won't be sitting on ice this year.
I must have gotten all my weeping for the week out on Monday--the remainder of the week has been pretty dry. I know that weeping when you need to is OK, but it can be exhausting. Nothing has really changed--except I don't hurt as much--maybe that has been a big change.
I've been checking up on Gloriann all week and she is doing well. The surgery took more out of her than she expected. While I do remind her that she isn't 18 any more, I also let her know that she is on track and it is all right for her to feel like she's been hit by a truck. She had surgery.
That's it for now. oops--I just slopped over into Saturday. Better get to bed.
xxooxx

No accounting for things

Just to let you know, today i think I could watch Old Yeller and All Mine to Give and not shed a tear. m Of course, I'm also a little loopy today with my pain meds doubled. I'll get used to that in a few days and things will be back to semi-normal. I don't know why I was so weepy yesterday. I think I will take loopy over weepy any day. Weeping just wrings all your energy--and I don't come stocked with much of that as it is. Anyway, I guess today is a good day. Still feeling twinges of pain, but I know it is not a great many bad things, so I'll just live with it--live being the action word there. Things are good.
xxooxx

Good days and less than good days

Saturday, I got to VISIT someone in the hospital! I haven't been a visitor since Lee's last hospitalization. My dear friend Gloriann had knee replacement surgery on Friday. She was doing remarkably well. I spent some time with her, watched her physical therapy. As I said, she was doing remarkably well. I left because she needed her sleep--something in short supply in the hospital--and to watch the Cal-USC game--when it ceased being a good day. Cal got the snot kicked out of them. The only saving grace is that they weren't beaten as badly as they were they week before. They get a rest next Saturday, to lick their wounds, I think, then it is on to UCLA. I've been watching Cal football for over 40 years, so I am used to this sort of thing. Trouble is, they've been good, off and on, and it does get your hopes up.
Sunday, I woke up at 9:17--not bad except church starts at 10. I was only a few minutes late--they were singing the opening hymn. When I got home, I started making the drunk chicken. I wanted some of it to be ready for Glenn to take to work for his dinner. It was work, but by the second round, I pretty much had it down to a science. The house smelled very good. I got to watch both the 49ers and the SF Giants win their games. Of course, once I had two casserole dishes full of chicken, onions, salt port, mushrooms, brandy, wine, and a few seasonings, Elaine called in tears to say that she was just in too much pain to come. Not a problem, said I, I understand. But I also resolved never to shop for dinner until they are actually on prem, as we used to say at the phone company. If the grocery store is open, I can shop for whatever we want. If not, we can order pizza or Chinese. What to do, what to do. Glenn had taken some for his dinner, so I only had nine pieces of chicken to think about. As I said, no problem. I called my friend Dory and we had a delightful dinner. I also sent some with Glenn when he went to visit his friend Ed today and I took a care package to Gloriann and her husband. Gloriann went home yesterday with her new knee!
Today has been a very weepy day. I saw my oncologist this morning. She still can't find a reason for my pain. It may be muscle spasms or it may be admissions. The lymph node shouldn't be causing this level of pain. So, we upped my pain meds, hoping to control what we cannot cure. We talked about how sick I am or am not. She thinks ten years would be a stretch, but I'm not about to check out in the near future, unless I walk in front of a bus, and I'm not planning on that. I should be fine for Yosemite in May and Yellowstone in July with Glenn. Intellectually, I know that I'm doing OK, but emotionally, I'm a wreck. The tears just slide down my face and once the floodgates open, there is no stopping them. Of course it is one way to take care of the fluid retention problem. I got a hug from Dr. Chee, and she patted my hand. She did not say, "Poor thing, poor, poor thing." But then, I wasn't sitting under a palm tree in Akron, Ohio, either (See Harvey--one of my faves).
I went to visit Gloriann in the afternoon, with my care package of drunk chicken. She was up, lounging on the couch. She walked, with her walker, to the bathroom and back, and when I left, got up to see me to the door. She is doing amazingly well. We had a nice visit, sitting and talking, or not, as only old friends can. Gloriann and I worked together at the phone company. I met her in 1971. We have each been through a great deal of life over the years. It is God's own mercy that we never had a crisis at the same time. We've laughed ourselves stupid and cried rivers, broken bread together. We share too many private jokes to count. It takes very little to set us into gales of laughter--or tears. I wouldn't give up a minute of the time we've spent together.
I had drunk chicken for dinner--oh my, it was really good tonight. I don't usually like leftovers, but the chicken spent the night sopping up all those flavors. Not pretty, but really yummy.
There we are. I'm still weepy, but I'll get past it. There is much retained fluid to squeeze out.
I have NOTHING on the schedule tomorrow. No doctor appointment, no blood draw (that's for Wednesday), nothing. Maybe I'll take a walk.
xxooxx

And now it is October

I remember last October. Things were good. I'd finished radiation, I was done, done, done. I'd had cancer and it was gone. My hair was coming back. I spent my 30th anniversary at the SMI Spa. I was looking forward to Grand Chapter and Yosemite. This year, I spent my anniversary getting an ultrasound of my legs. Yesterday, I went to the Cancer Center for my simulation--a bunch of CT scans that they use to build your body on the computer so that they can aim your radiation to the exact spot they want it. I asked them to make me a better body while they were at it. I got the results of my endoscopy--one more report where I look wonderful on paper. It is frustrating because the pain is still there. I'm thinking it's the cancer, since I don't seem to have anything else. The only medical procedure I had today was a little blood draw.
The exciting thing that happened today was that I signed all the papers for my reverse mortgage. That will take some of the pressure off. If Lee and I had never refinanced, the house would have been paid off last year--but we did and we enjoyed the benefits. I think there is something about not crying over spilt milk and hindsight being 20/20. The reason things are proverbs is because they are all true. If I were still working, life would be grand, but I'm not, and I can't, so there's no use thinking about that either. I think this was the way to go, at least for me at this time in what I have left of my life.
So, back to things medical. I did a really hard thing too today--I postponed my annual October trip to Yosemite (to mid-May, which should be spectacular). I did it for two reasons. First, so that I can start radiation sooner--most likely on the 19th just after Grand Chapter (that I don't want to give up for anything--I haven't missed a Grand Chapter since 1982). Second, there will be a gathering of my BFF's on the 19th. My good friends from Junior High. Andrea will be in the area from Missouri and Kris will be flying up from SoCal. Roz lives across the bay. I can't think when the four of us were last together--not in this century, probably not since the 60's. Kris last saw Andrea in 1977. I last saw her in 1995 when Lee and I went through Missouri on our last breakneck vacation (5800 miles or so in two weeks--after that, I planned the trips with some down time to rest). Roz probably last saw Andrea at my wedding. Kris and Roz came to see me in the hospital last year. It will be a wonderful reunion. Still, canceling Yosemite was hard. I got the reservation for May with two beds. Maybe I'll auction off the other space. I can go by myself, but it is better with a buddy.
That's it for tonight.
xxooxx

St. Jerome's Day

We're not really celebrating this charming man, but we always remember when his day is, because it is our anniversary. I remember that day 31 years ago so clearly, even though it was half my life ago. I got an e-mail from my BFF Roz first thing this morning and a call from my daughter, just thinking about me. And I'm weepy. I think we had a good marriage. It was full of strange turns and twists--certainly not things I'd planned. I remember so well being that scared girl ready to change her life forever. My dress was ivory and I was white. My mother was afraid that I was going to cut off the circulation in my Uncle Parker's arm, my grip was so tight. I'd been to so many weddings where you couldn't hear a word the bride and groom were saying, so I'd said to myself "You trained for the stage. Project!" So when Dr. Hogue paused in his questions, I said, loud and clear "I will," and I was too soon. It pretty much broke the tension.
I hope Lee is celebrating with me in heaven.
On to more prosaic matters. Today was ultrasound of the legs day. It was uncomfortable, but it is over. I don't think they will find anything, but it was just a rule out sort of thing, just covering the bases. I came home and took a percocet, since I'm still in pain, even though they can't figure out why. I might go to craft circle tonight, other than that, there's nothing on the schedule for today. Maybe I'll look at my wedding pictures and the wedding book, both of which are handy.
xxooxx

Well?

So, how's it going? About the same. I had the endoscope yesterday. No ulcer, no sign of cancer in the stomach. There is some irritation, but nothing that Dr. Roost can specifically treat. So it is on to Dr. Weller and radiation treatment. I have my simulation on Thursday. Meanwhile, it is just control the pain or live with it. I think I'll live with it. The procedure wasn't bad--plenty of drugs and I was out. I have sort of wispy memories of having a tube stuck down my throat. Mostly I remember them telling me to take deep breaths of oxygen when I was back in the ward. It's been a great deal of sound and fury for little result. I still hurt. At least i know what will be going on medically for the next couple of months. This should get me to December and finally Spa time! I already know that's where I'm going when I'm through with this round of radiation.
But wait! There's more. It seems our washing machine has sprung a leak! Lucky us! I'm going to do a bit of phoning around. First person I find who can replace the machine and take the old bad one with them I think will get the job. I just don't have the energy to go around and compare prices. We had a 10 year warranty on this one--I think it ran out last year. Life continues to be good.
xxooxx

Small catching up to do

The pain is somewhat better today--may have something to do with the percocet Dr. Roost has me taking. It was not better when I saw him yesterday. He tried some sort of medicine that is supposed to work immediately--it didn't. So my calendar for next week has been rearranged. I still see Dr. Weller, the radiation oncologist Monday morning. Monday noon, Glenn will present me at Peninsula Hospital for an esophagogastroduodenscopy (take THAT, spell check). That's the fancy way of saying a tube down the throat to check out the stomach. The ultrasound of my legs has been pushed out to Wednesday.
I'm not really a hypochondriac, I just needed a better social life. What better way to improve it than to add two more doctors. Dr. Weller doesn't count as a new doctor because I saw him last year for my first round of radiation.
I'm not a terribly happy girl this afternoon, because Cal got royally trounced by Oregon. I've been a Cal fan for over 40 years, so I'm used to despair. But they started off so well. One swallow does not a summer make. Next week they get to play USC. Glenn has rearranged his work schedule so he can watch the whole game. After today, he may be sorry. He had to leave for work in the third quarter and he left muttering and really mad at the Bears.
So there we are, up to the minute news. My goal was to get through the weekend with no hospital visits. So far, I'm winning that battle. I'll let you know how it went after Monday afternoon. So far, I'm still looking great on paper. Oh, except for the cancer thing.
xxooxx

The Good News is

The good news is that I do not have congestive heart failure. My heart, in fact, looks great. That was a huge burden to get rid of. The edema in my legs and feet is still a concern. The doctor doubled one of my meds, I'll be taking it twice a day now. I'm going to have a sonogram of both legs on Monday just to rule out DVT. He doesn't think that is a problem, but he wants to be sure. Stomach still hurts, but somewhat less. Maybe it is an ulcer. Those can be treated.
That's today's news. I was glad to have Elaine with me, even though we didn't have to sit through bad news.
xxooxx

And we continue

Got up bright and early for the echocardigram and more blood sucking. I waited patiently at the hospital, because it was cooler there than outside, until time for the next appointment. Dr. Roost, the gastroenterologist, isn't contracted with my insurance, but he's the best there is, so one pays extra. He reviewed all my records from emergency and poked around. He's treating it as an ulcer to see what happens. I have two new medicines and some to take off my list. I go back Friday. If I'm feeling better, he was right. If I'm not, it will be time for scoping. I hope he's right.
That's it, cardiologist tomorrow.
xxooxx

The excitement continues

Went to see my primary care this afternoon. She is as stumped as everyone else is--but she did refer me to a gastroentrologist and a cardiologist--both of whom were Lee's doctors. She impressed the socks off of me, because she called each doctor, personally, explained my symptoms and made my appointments. I have an echocardigram at 9 tomorrow, more blood work--hope they can find some--and an appointment with the gastroentorologist. I see the cardiologist on Thursday afternoon. If I had just kept my mouth shut, I would have had chemo today and a CT on the 1st of October. Guess I just wanted a busier social life.
So that's where we stand now. Oh, and I still hurt. But I look great on paper.
xxooxx

More somethings

Whether to catch you up or start with today's anniversary. I guess I'll go with today then go backwards. I'm big on dates--guess that's why I majored in history. Our mother died 17 years ago today. I pretty much have total recall of the day, down to what I was wearing. Losing my mom was the hardest thing I've ever done--and there has been some really hard stuff lately. I still miss my mom. She could drive me crazy in short order, but I miss her driving me crazy. So, happy seventeenth birthday in heaven, Mother. I've gotten to the point that I can think about her and that day without tearing up. It took a long time to get there. Now I remember the good stuff--a little of the craziness, but mostly the good stuff.
Now--for yesterday. I got to the hospital bright and early and had my sonogram with time to get to church. Wait just a minute. Since the ER ordered the sonogram, I had to check out through the ER. The sonogram lady did tell me that I didn't have gall stones, so I figured that is what the doctor would tell me and I would be on my way. I sat in the waiting room and did what that room is for--waited. Next thing I knew, the medical screening nurse called my name, filled out a form, and I was ushered to a bed in the ER and shown a gown to get into. What? The same doctor I saw on Friday was on duty and he wanted to check everything out again. Guess church was out. So I donned my lovely gown and got into bed. One very kind nurse stopped in to tell me not to worry--medical screening said there was talk about admitting me! Kind nurse said that the doctor was just very thorough. Eventually, a tech came in to draw blood--I didn't know that they left any on Friday night. I didn't have a blankie and my feet were getting cold--it was a really hot day yesterday but not in the ER. So a nurse apologized and brought me a warm blankie. I asked her if there was any possibility of food, since it was after eleven and I hadn't eaten in over twelve hours. She said she would check. I called Glenn to let him know the situation. Prince that he is, he came down to keep me company. Even brought down the book I asked for and more yarn. Kind nurse came in with a lunch tray--yippee. Who would think you would say that about hospital food? I started off eating the best carrots of my life. As I was savoring the carrots, a doctor, not mine, walked by and saw me with the tray. She said, "Aren't you here for abdominal pain? Who thought it was a good idea to let an abdominal pain eat. Could you not do that?" So I put down my fork, sadly. Eventually, someone came in, not kind nurse, to take the tray away. Charming French nurse (male and tres cute) came in and started an IV to give me a pain shot. Not totally necessary--I wasn't comfortable but it was bearable--but very nice. I went off to another plane for a while. Finally, my doctor came in. He said I looked great on paper. It wasn't gall bladder disease. It wasn't pancreatitis. It wasn't life threatening, obviously, so they sent me home with orders to follow up with my primary care. Because I like paper, I asked for a copy of the CT report, which I got, along with a copy of the sonogram report and blood work.
The final CT report noted that my troublesome lymph node and grown again--I wasn't happy about that. I wasn't happy at all. In all, I spent another six hours at the hospital yesterday and I still hurt.
I called my primary care's office today and made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. My oncologist called me in the afternoon to see how I was doing. She went over all my test reports. She wasn't too happy about the lymph node either. The decision now is whether to do radiation on the node or change to a different chemo, since we've gotten the good we are going to get out of doxil. Her choice is radiation. Cancel the chemo for tomorrow. Cancel the CT for Oct 1. Make an appointment for a consult with the radiation oncologist. I did all of that. I will see the RO next Monday. I called Elaine to tell her she was off the hook for tomorrow--she was going to dome over tonight and take me to chemo tomorrow. Maybe next time--I'm assuming there will be a next time with new stuff after the radiation. I see the medical oncologist on the 5th of October and will have my port flushed before Grand Chapter. Radiation most likely won't start till after I get back from Yosemite.
So where are we? There are a great many bad things I don't have. I do have pain. I do have cancer. I want my mommie, but that's not going to happen. Maybe the pain will be gone tomorrow. Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, my car is running great--little problem with the air conditioner, but that can wait.
xxooxx

It's always something and sometimes it's lots of things

I've been remiss. I haven't reported in for over a week. And it's been a full week.
Let's do the good stuff first. Last Sunday was my sister and her husband's 40th wedding anniversary. I think that is an amazing achievement. I want to be around to help them celebrate their 50th, but that's a different story. 40 years! I was married for almost 29. Children of divorce tend toward divorce themselves. You would have to look long and hard to find 100% of the children who have more stable marriages. So Sunday I sort of backed in the reflected glory of my sister's accomplishment
Monday was unremarkable. I went to the women's Bible Study in the evening, which was very nice. Not so nice was when my car wouldn't start when I was ready to go home. Not to worry, Alicia had jumper cables and the gang got me started. I put it on the charger when I got home.
Tuesday it started like a charm, no problems. Wednesday I was going to have an outing in the afternoon. There is a new music store in San Bruno, and I was going to go visit them. The car didn't think so. I put it back on the charger for the night. I took a long nap in the afternoon. Glenn woke me up for dinner, which he had fixed, bliss him. Unfortunately, I didn't eat much of it, because my stomach was hurting. It hurt worse as the evening wore on. I felt somewhat better Thursday--not good, but somewhat better. Took the car off the charger and set out to visit the music shop. No, wasn't going to happen. So I called my mechanic, who said to have it towed in and he'd take a look at it. AAA came pretty quickly--almost on the dot of when they said they would be there. Cheers for them. Mr. AAA checked the battery and the alternator, which checked out fine. He got the car started. I left it running and called the mechanic to let him know that I would be driving it down and would need a ride home. No problem. Got the car there and back home--the mechanic driving. It stopped once on him, but he fiddled with the cables and got he home and himself back to his shop. The car spent the night at the car hospital. Turns out the battery, which was otherwise fine, was leaking battery acid and kept corroding the connections, hence the problems with it dying. New battery and oil change and he and his wife brought it home to me. It did not cost the earth to fix. It pays to have a mechanic you trust.
Meanwhile, back at the stomach, I was still in pain Thursday--not as bad, but uncomfortable. When I was still hurting Friday, I called my oncologist's office and left a message for Dr. Chee. She yells at me if I don't tell her when things are wrong. Pains were worse after the car came home, so I called the office again. Dr Chee called me back almost as soon as I hung up. She wanted to rule out any sort of heart problem, so sent me off to emergency--where I spent nine hours. Glenn came down to keep me company after he got off work. I had lab work, got fluids because I was dehydrated, had an EKG, x-rays, and a CT scan. All my tests were great, and they ruled out heart problems, cancer problems, and bowel obstructions--all good things to rule out. There is a possibility that it is gall bladder disease, so I left with instructions to have a sonogram ASAP.
I got home just before midnight. I was starving and ready to eat the furniture, but nothing appealed to me. I think I had some toast. I got up to watch the Cal game this morning--GO BEARS! I called the hospital during half time and scheduled the sonogram--9 AM tomorrow--nothing to eat or drink after midnight. I guess I'll be late for church. Elaine came over in the afternoon. We had a great visit. She did my laundry, gave me a pedicure and touched up my fingers. I was supposed to go to a meeting of the budget committee this afternoon, but Elaine talked me out of it. I assume the budget got prepared and the earth didn't stop because I wasn't there. Went to Open Mic Night at church, figuring that I could sit at home and feel bad or I could spend the evening with my friends and feel bad. I contributed to the evening by reading Casey at the Bat. It really is a funny poem.
So that's it. You are now up to date. I haven't eaten lots today. I'm hungry, but I don't want to make my stomach work too hard. I'm on pain meds and it is still tender. Next exciting chapter tomorrow--or sometime next week. Stay tuned. Or not. I'm happy to have you on this journey with me.
xxooxx