Looking for normal

My sister is of the opinion that when I'm not blogging, I'm having a blast. Well, that is sometimes true, but not this time. I've finally decided to feel sorry for myself--now that Lee is gone, now that all the cancer treatment is over, now I'm in a serious funk. I want to dig a hole, crawl in, and pull the covers over me. My therapist said I could do that, but when I came up for air, the same life would be there, needing attention. So I'm trying not to set the world's record for a pity party, since it will get me exactly nowhere.
I dragged myself to Curves Monday, Wednesday, and today, and plan to keep that schedule. Tuesday I went for a walk downtown. Thursday, I went into the office to clean out my desk. That was hard. Quick, but hard. I never really had much personal stuff there. Not like the phone company when I think it took three strong men and a boy to tote all my stuff to the car. I guess that's the difference between 32 and 6 years. I was going to go for a walk on Thursday, but it rained, so I was saved. I'm not complaining about the rain--we really need it. I just don't think I could handle another season of the media whining about a drought. I don't think we had droughts when I was a little girl and life was grand. It is refreshing to hear the earth make happy gulping sounds as it sucks up the treasures pouring down from heaven. The last really big storm we had was just after I went into the hospital for the first time this year.
So there you are. I'm depressed, but trying to jump start myself out of it. I'm putting some structure back in my life and starting to look for work. I don't really know what I'm doing there, because I've only had two jobs in my life, but I guess I'll figure that out.
My health is good, just in case you were wondering. I'm starting to get regular exercise, I'm still getting plenty of sleep. I'm sick to death of the election, but then I suppose we all are--hasn't this campaign gone on since shortly after Noah got off the ark? I can still laugh at things, so I guess life isn't all bad. It is pomegranate season, even if they are 4.99 a piece at my market--but they are SO good...
Anybody know of a part time job for a cancer survivor, let me know. In the meantime, I'm still breathing and on the right side of the grass. Life is almost perfect.
xxooxx

Home for a while

I admit, I've been sluggish. We got home Thursday afternoon and here it is Saturday morning. Live with it.

So--what have I been doing? Tuesday morning October 14, Dory picked me up around 10 and we were off to beautiful downtown Fresno. We stopped at Pea Soup Anderson's in Santa Nella for a lunch of--what else--pea soup and a chocolate milkshake. We got into Fresno right about check-in time, which meant we didn't have to wait for our room but did have to wait too long for a bellman. For all the years we've been going to Fresno and all the years that we've been at the same headquarters hotel, they just don't seem to be prepared for us. The poor bellmen were horribly overworked. Everyone had too much stuff (us included) and all wanted to be taken care of right now. We got taken care of eventually and even had time to get our credentials for the convention before they closed for the day. True to my word, I took all five CP's. I wore the grey one so I wouldn't startle too many people that first day.

Wednesday was practices, a luncheon, and a dinner. The convention center had a little surprise for us this year--the arena where we met had become a permanent hockey arena--a little fact that the Worthy Grand Matron had learned the previous Saturday. She worked some miracles of her own, because when we got there, the dashers and glass had been removed and the ice was covered with mats. At least we could walk on the floor without skates and it took the chill a while to penetrate the mats. I don't usually take pictures at Grand Chapter, but thinking of my friendly readers, this time I did.

This is what I looked at all week. We've got some incredible talent in the Order. I am a great direction follower, but when it comes to art I do not have one original thought in my head. I stand in utter amazement of those who do.

Not an especially good picture, but this was the East, taken from my seat. Other better photographers or more energetic who were willing to actually move to take their pictures most likely got better shots, but at least you get the gist of it.

It was a wonderful Grand Chapter. The WGM presided beautifully and swiftly. We got out of each session at reasonable times and all business was accomplished with a minimum of dead time. There was about 1/6 of the attendance of my first Grand Chapter in 1982, which was too bad. I was there and I had a good time and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It did get chilly sitting on the frozen tundra--I was glad I had a sweater, even though the outside temperature in Fresno was in the 80's. Sitting on the mat covered ice was insidious. You really didn't notice the cold at first, but eventually it got bone chilling. Our dark blue dresses looked lovely on the floor, but they weren't lined and got increasingly itchy, particularly around the neck, sleeves, and down the zipper. After a while, I felt like a bear looking for a tree with really rough bark to scratch on.

My stamina wasn't at its peak. Going up and down the stairs to the arena floor, and sometimes just crossing the street to the hotel, was exhausting. I managed to get eight hours sleep each night (I may have been the only one who did), and that helped a lot. A friend took my stitches out on Friday, as requested by my doctor. That helped too. I dutifully medicated the area twice a day. It is getting much better. True to my promise, I wore each CP at least once. At the end of the Friday morning session, I reached up and realized that the CP had worked its way back an inch or so from my hairline--since my hair has started to grow out, the tape that secured the CP's to my head doesn't hold as well. I went up to the room before lunch and decided--the heck with it and went with my hair au natural. There were two other ladies at the convention with my same style, and I thought if they could do it, so could I. I haven't worn a wig since. My hair is growing out quite fast, so I may stay with this look.

Saturday evening came, and a new corps of officers were installed. A new Grand Chapter year has begun. Sunday morning we blissfully slept in, putting off our departure since we only had about 60 miles to go. Many people left Saturday night after installation--must like driving at night more than I do--so check out was lots less hectic than check in.

By now, it is Sunday, noonish, and we are on our way to Yosemite. I felt layers of stress peel away like onionskin with each passing mile. Since we weren't going to Reno after Yosemite (as is traditional whenever Tioga Pass is open), we stopped at the Indian casino in Coursegold for an hour or so. It was enough . We neither made nor lost fortunes, but we had fun.

We got to the Ahwahnee right around check in time. It is always good to be greeted by old friends. Our room was to the right of the upper balcony--you can't see it because it is shaded by the roof, but trust me, it was there. Dory was sorry that we didn't have the balcony for our little ringtailed cat to visit us in the night again. We made do.

One morning, while Dory was napping, I took a walk down to the river. There is very little water at this time of year, but it is peaceful and serene. It is my favorite time to visit. And this would be

One of the reasons why. The trees are so colorful and the leaves on the ground make a wonderful pattern.

Same morning walk--here is the Ahwahnee, hiding behind an oak tree.

And here it is, out of hiding, looking at the solarium, where Dory and I played cards. We played on the back patio one afternoon until we were beaten by a combination of sun and breeze that wanted to play with our cards too.

And here would be the obligatory picture of Half Dome.

We had a wonderful time. We got some exercise, even though I wasn't up to hiking. Next year. We had good food and lots of rest. The weather was amazingly beautiful. We had to keep reminding ourselves that it was October.

We left early, for us, Thursday morning (that would be around 10) so that we could get home before Glenn went to work at 4 and because we had obligations that evening. It was our Chapter's farewell meeting and we both needed to be there. I can check my e-mails from my cell phone, so I'm not inundated with those, but there were several phone messages to return--the worst of which was to my friend Margaret in Canada, to get the news that her dear Ken and died October 16 of the injuries he sustained in the car accident in August. I feel so blessed that I was able to spend that week with them in July. Ken was an amazing man, full of great stories, and a dear friend. I was sorry that I couldn't hop on a plane and go up for the funeral today, but that just wasn't possible. My heart is with them.

Yesterday, I checked out with my Radiation Oncologist. He doesn't need to see me again, but assured me that they are there if I need them. I won't be officially in remission until after we get the results of my CAT scan then end of next month, but I'm in remission. Now, I need to find my way in the world, to create some structure for my days. I thought work was going to do that, but I guess not. Monday I will start marshaling my resources and looking for a new part time job. I'm better and I'm ready for what's next.

xxooxx

Still a stitched person

I went to see my surgeon, bright and early this morning, to get my stitches out. She took one look at the large red patch on my upper right chest, and apologised profusely. She also gave me the name of the substance she had put on my skin, Benzoin, with the admonition to never let it tough my body again--I can do that. She gave me a prescription for a cream to use twice a day, and said that the stitches should be left in until Friday to avoid another open wound. I don't think there will be a problem getting First Aid and Personal Services to take them out at Grand Chapter. If there is, I'll leave them in until Monday and have the medical clinic at Yosemite take them out. It may have been a small straw, but I think it may have been the one that broke this camel's back. I'm feeling very sorry for myself--and in a good deal of pain. It will pass and it will get better. The real princess skin strikes again.
So, now it really is time to pack for Grand Chapter and Yosemite. The beauty of being a Deputy is that I don't have to worry about what to wear, at least through the sessions. That should cut down on the clothes I take. Yosemite is a different matter. It is looking like it will be pleasant during the days and quite cold when the sun goes down--so hiking boots, gloves, warm hats, warm coat--heavy stuff. I don't feel like packing, but I guess I'd better get to it.
It looks like the bargain hunters are out on Wall Street today--good thing. If I were the type to panic sell, I could have taken a real beating. Fortunately, I'm not. I'm more the "just ride it out" type.
That's my news for today. Still healing, uncomfortable, but getting better. My hair still isn't long enough for me to go CPless, though it is getting harder and harder to stick the CP's on. It is very soft and I think I'm seeing a little curl. I'll be gone for 10 days, so don't miss me too much.
xxooxx

Good News Bad News

OK, so I've been off the air for no good reason this week. Just haven't known quite what to write.
The Good News--Tuesday, I had my portacath removed. It wasn't really fun and I'm glad I had Glenn to drive me home. It has been really painful, red, and itchy. This morning, it was draining. It was Easter Sunday all over again in my mind. I called the surgeon's office as soon as I thought they would be open and got an appointment for this morning. The incision looks fine--it seems to be a reaction to the dressing, so I guess there is one more adhesive that my skin doesn't like. It is now open to the air and presumably will dry up. I go back Monday to get the stitches out. So that's all good.
I also saw my original cancer surgeon for a follow-up Tuesday morning. I thought I would be checking out with him since that incision has, finally, completely healed. No to, blood work and a CAT scan and x-rays the end of November. I'll see him again the beginning of December. I suppose that is all good too. He tells me I will live long to annoy my children.
Now for the Bad News. My wonderful job is not waiting for me. I was planning to go back to work on the 27th--guess that's when I'll start looking for a new job. It's going to be hard because that was Work Nirvana. I was afraid they were going to learn that they really could get along without me in the 8 months that i would have been gone. God has something for me, so I'm not as worried as I could be. I've been playing Scarlett O'Hara and thinking about that tomorrow, since I really don't need added stress while I'm still healing
As with everything else, I'll be fine.
xxooxx

The Hedonist returns

First, I took no pictures. Took my camera, never took it out of the suitcase. I was too busy being pampered. As was my plan, I drove around Great Highway and avoided the 19th Avenue and park traffic, so it was a pretty easy trip up. I think I left around 2. Got to Sonoma before my room was ready, so off I went to the Big 3 for late lunch early dinner. I didn't have a treatment till 5, so no worries.
I started out with my first Watsu, and no, I'm not going to describe the treatments. If you want all that, check out the July posting complete with pictures. For even more detail, I refer you to the Fairmont's website, specifically the Sonoma Mission Inn, Spa, online brochure. Watsu was a great way to start the week of pampering. Even with my no hassle trip up, driving for an hour and a half can make you tense. Gone, all gone. Washed away in the Watsu pool. I had an hour to rest and read then had a Chadonnay Olive oil Sugar Scrub. I left feeling smooth and smelling delicious.
Monday morning I started with one of the least glamorous treatments, the Hungarian Moor Mud Kur. It is really good for your skin but really dirty. After lunch, I had a Grapeseed Body Polish, followed by a Rejuvenating Kur. This includes a hair and scalp treatment--I almost have enough hair to make it worthwhile.
Tuesday was a Body Coffee Scrub, the most abrasive scrub they offer and one of the best smelling, followed by a Body Coffee Wrap to complete the package. I had a couple of hours for this wonderful stuff to seep into my pores and have lunch then I had my second Watsu. It was a beautiful warm afternoon, and the play of light and shadow made this one special. That is the thing about Watsu--you could have a hundred and they are all different and special. After the Watsu, since I was already wet, I did the Bathing Ritual, finally, rested and read, then had a Back Facial--a really special way of taking care of a part of your body that you have trouble reaching on your own.
Wednesday, the days are passing quickly. I started with a Thermal Mineral Scrub complete with Vichy Shower that they weren't supposed to use but did because it's really better that way. A break to read and lounge on the Logia and a Honey Steam Wrap. I felt edible. Later in the afternoon, a Sonoma Stone Massage and a Signature Facial.
Thursday started with a Spirulina Body Wrap--the least glamorous body treatment and the best. Lunch was followed by Reflexology with Reike with Diane, who did the same for me in July. She noticed real changes in my body and energy flow--like I had energy which was missing in July. A little reading time and I ended the day with a Tandem Massage. I think it is illegal in 10 states. It is unbelievably decadent. If it weren't something you would happily do again it should be followed by a quick trip to the confessional. Nothing should feel that good.
How did it get to be Friday? Up very bright and early because I had an 8 AM Fitness Training Session with Karen, as close as I come to a personal trainer. We took some walks around the property for cardio and some weight training and stretching. It was more about what I can do now and how I can work back to something more strenuous. Since my blood count is still low, I still tire easily. 10 o'clock brought my last Watsu. This one was the most athletic of the Watsus, with great stretching. Felt terrific after it. Some time on the Bathing Ritual, lunch, and lounging were followed by a Revitalizing Kur, my last good scrub. My skin is SO smooth now. Last thing of the day was a Sonoma Lavender Facial. I stayed in the lounge for about an hour and a half to finish my book (the third I finished this week--Sue Grafton's latest alphabet mystery, T is for Trespass, and the first two of Nevada Barr's Anna Pigeon books), then changed and went to dinner, hoping to be out before the rain started. I wasn't. And I lost my key between dinner and my room. There was a bellman there who let me in and the front desk made me new keys and sent them over with another bellman. I felt better, even though I didn't really need them because I wasn't going to leave my room and come back.
Saturday morning I got up early to get my stuff together and ready to go. I had a bellman load it in the car before breakfast. Breakfast took forever. They were very busy. Even though I got there in plenty of time, I didn't get my cottage cheese and lemon pancakes (sounds gross but tastes wonderful) until about 9:10 with a 9:30 manicure staring me in the face. I wolfed down about half, I'm sure burning everything in my innards it touched, then ran (figure of speech--I don't actually RUN anyplace) to the Spa just barely in time. Fingers done, I settled down with my 4th book, another Anna Pigeon, to let my nails dry and wait for my Sonoma Stone Pedicure, my last little bit of decadence. Fingers and toes are now painted with "It's a Doosy, L'il Suzie," a good autumnal color. I sat by the pool and read for about an hour before I put my shoes and socks--well, technically socks and shoes--back on, checked out, and headed for home. I listened to the Cal game on the way home--it came in pretty scratchy but it came in--GO BEARS! I got home in time to attend the Bethany First Saturday dinner, which I'd sort of forgotten about until I read the Bethany Banner as I was going through a week's worth of mail.
I am now prepared for my body to go into shock as it faces a future with no massages, no scrubs, no wraps. no glorious smelling lotions being rubbed into it. The only good thing about leaving Sonoma is knowing that I can go back.
xxooxx