A dreadful few days

I know I haven't posted in forever, but life has been basically boring, and no one wants to read boring.  At my last oncologist visit, we talked about getting off pain meds, since I'm in remission and in no particular pain.  My doctor gave me a schedule to follow, going from three a day, to two, to one, then one every other day, to nothing.  I could do that.  I'd been down to one a day for a few days.  Thursday, when I got up, I said to myself, "I don't need that," and went to nothing.  Bad idea.  I felt like crap, I couldn't concentrate, I was weepy for no reason, I was too cold then I was too hot.  The only good thing was that weight was literally falling off.  I now have fewer than 25 pounds to go to get to where I was pre-cancer.  I toughed it out on Thursday--even went to Curves, praying I got through the circuit without getting weepy.  Friday was really no better--I wasn't as restless, but I felt bad enough to cancel a planned trip to Filoli.
Cooler heads prevailed and I put in a call to my doctor.  My curve had been too steep.  Back on to one a day for a few days, then cut the dosage in half for another week, then try every other day at half the dosage and see how that works.  I sort of felt defeated, but it is amazing how much better I felt.  So I'm being patient and slowing down the process.  I'll get there, it will just take a little longer.
Meanwhile, before this gross lack on concentration, I read through all the Number 1 Ladies Detective Agency series--10 books to date.  I loved every one of them.  Mma Ramotswe became my new best friend.  I was sad when I finished the last book.  I've started Alenander McCall Smith's next series, but it isn't the same thing.
Well, it isn't a Curves day, so I'd best get out and go for a walk.  I still don't much care for exercise, but I do enjoy the results.  It is a lovely day and I'm not feeling dreadful.  Who could ask for anything more?
xxooxx

Flaming Fingers

The Ceili is done for another year.  I'm tired but happily so.  I think I played as fast as I've ever played before--some of the tunes I can no longer play at a moderate tempo.  I didn't catch all of the notes, but I got most of them.  The members of the band are all so good that we grow off of one another and we make an amazing sound.  My fingers were flying and my soul was dancing.  It was a thoroughly Thank You, God, afternoon.  We played with joy and I am a happy girl.
Most of the rest of my life is happy too.  I had another scan on Monday and saw my oncologist on Thursday.  I see her next in three months and probably won't repeat the scan until September.  I'm good there too.  I'm not well, because I will always have cancer and we will always be watching it, but I'm as well as I've been in over two years.  I still don't have a trememdous amount of energy--but enough to play the fiddle fast as the wind today.  I've been good about going to Curves.  The part of my life that is not so happy is something I don't want to talk about.  I'm contemplating a move to denial.  It is a nice place to live.  The good parts are squeezing out the not so good parts.  I'm ready to get on with life.  Thank you, Bethany Brawlers for making it such a steller day.  Now I'm ready to hibernate for a while.
xxooxx

Band Practice

When you are a Celtic Fiddler (which I seem to have become), the highlight of your year is St. Patrick's Day.  Our band makes this a movable feast and celebrates on the Saturday closest to March 17.  We started practicing for this year's show in January and are now ramping up.  Tonight was band practice.  Athletes have their highs--for me it is music.  By the end of practice, my fingertips on my left hand are black and I'm physically tired, but my soul is flying.  We've got about 11 days left till the Ceili (see last March for pronumciation nad definition), so we were working this practice.  The ceili started out as a simple affair--a few friends got together and read through music--some singing--cookies and ice cream.  The next year, it was a major fund raiser for our church.  Year three, the official ceili was canceled when I had surgery Feb 26.  Fred came to my house on St Pat's day and we went through all our music.  I think I was in my jammies.  Last year, it was a celebration at church.  It took a lot out of me, but I felt victorious getting through it.  This year many hands are making light work and I just have to worry about fiddling.  The band is so good.  I go to church with amazing musicans.  Getting together with them, even for practice, is a joyous occassion.  The program is coming together.  I'm smiling.  I have to cut my fingernails, but I'm smiling.  What a blessing it is to work with these wonderful people.  Thank you, God, for putting them in my life.
xxooxx