St. Jerome's Day

We're not really celebrating this charming man, but we always remember when his day is, because it is our anniversary. I remember that day 31 years ago so clearly, even though it was half my life ago. I got an e-mail from my BFF Roz first thing this morning and a call from my daughter, just thinking about me. And I'm weepy. I think we had a good marriage. It was full of strange turns and twists--certainly not things I'd planned. I remember so well being that scared girl ready to change her life forever. My dress was ivory and I was white. My mother was afraid that I was going to cut off the circulation in my Uncle Parker's arm, my grip was so tight. I'd been to so many weddings where you couldn't hear a word the bride and groom were saying, so I'd said to myself "You trained for the stage. Project!" So when Dr. Hogue paused in his questions, I said, loud and clear "I will," and I was too soon. It pretty much broke the tension.
I hope Lee is celebrating with me in heaven.
On to more prosaic matters. Today was ultrasound of the legs day. It was uncomfortable, but it is over. I don't think they will find anything, but it was just a rule out sort of thing, just covering the bases. I came home and took a percocet, since I'm still in pain, even though they can't figure out why. I might go to craft circle tonight, other than that, there's nothing on the schedule for today. Maybe I'll look at my wedding pictures and the wedding book, both of which are handy.
xxooxx

Well?

So, how's it going? About the same. I had the endoscope yesterday. No ulcer, no sign of cancer in the stomach. There is some irritation, but nothing that Dr. Roost can specifically treat. So it is on to Dr. Weller and radiation treatment. I have my simulation on Thursday. Meanwhile, it is just control the pain or live with it. I think I'll live with it. The procedure wasn't bad--plenty of drugs and I was out. I have sort of wispy memories of having a tube stuck down my throat. Mostly I remember them telling me to take deep breaths of oxygen when I was back in the ward. It's been a great deal of sound and fury for little result. I still hurt. At least i know what will be going on medically for the next couple of months. This should get me to December and finally Spa time! I already know that's where I'm going when I'm through with this round of radiation.
But wait! There's more. It seems our washing machine has sprung a leak! Lucky us! I'm going to do a bit of phoning around. First person I find who can replace the machine and take the old bad one with them I think will get the job. I just don't have the energy to go around and compare prices. We had a 10 year warranty on this one--I think it ran out last year. Life continues to be good.
xxooxx

Small catching up to do

The pain is somewhat better today--may have something to do with the percocet Dr. Roost has me taking. It was not better when I saw him yesterday. He tried some sort of medicine that is supposed to work immediately--it didn't. So my calendar for next week has been rearranged. I still see Dr. Weller, the radiation oncologist Monday morning. Monday noon, Glenn will present me at Peninsula Hospital for an esophagogastroduodenscopy (take THAT, spell check). That's the fancy way of saying a tube down the throat to check out the stomach. The ultrasound of my legs has been pushed out to Wednesday.
I'm not really a hypochondriac, I just needed a better social life. What better way to improve it than to add two more doctors. Dr. Weller doesn't count as a new doctor because I saw him last year for my first round of radiation.
I'm not a terribly happy girl this afternoon, because Cal got royally trounced by Oregon. I've been a Cal fan for over 40 years, so I'm used to despair. But they started off so well. One swallow does not a summer make. Next week they get to play USC. Glenn has rearranged his work schedule so he can watch the whole game. After today, he may be sorry. He had to leave for work in the third quarter and he left muttering and really mad at the Bears.
So there we are, up to the minute news. My goal was to get through the weekend with no hospital visits. So far, I'm winning that battle. I'll let you know how it went after Monday afternoon. So far, I'm still looking great on paper. Oh, except for the cancer thing.
xxooxx

The Good News is

The good news is that I do not have congestive heart failure. My heart, in fact, looks great. That was a huge burden to get rid of. The edema in my legs and feet is still a concern. The doctor doubled one of my meds, I'll be taking it twice a day now. I'm going to have a sonogram of both legs on Monday just to rule out DVT. He doesn't think that is a problem, but he wants to be sure. Stomach still hurts, but somewhat less. Maybe it is an ulcer. Those can be treated.
That's today's news. I was glad to have Elaine with me, even though we didn't have to sit through bad news.
xxooxx

And we continue

Got up bright and early for the echocardigram and more blood sucking. I waited patiently at the hospital, because it was cooler there than outside, until time for the next appointment. Dr. Roost, the gastroenterologist, isn't contracted with my insurance, but he's the best there is, so one pays extra. He reviewed all my records from emergency and poked around. He's treating it as an ulcer to see what happens. I have two new medicines and some to take off my list. I go back Friday. If I'm feeling better, he was right. If I'm not, it will be time for scoping. I hope he's right.
That's it, cardiologist tomorrow.
xxooxx

The excitement continues

Went to see my primary care this afternoon. She is as stumped as everyone else is--but she did refer me to a gastroentrologist and a cardiologist--both of whom were Lee's doctors. She impressed the socks off of me, because she called each doctor, personally, explained my symptoms and made my appointments. I have an echocardigram at 9 tomorrow, more blood work--hope they can find some--and an appointment with the gastroentorologist. I see the cardiologist on Thursday afternoon. If I had just kept my mouth shut, I would have had chemo today and a CT on the 1st of October. Guess I just wanted a busier social life.
So that's where we stand now. Oh, and I still hurt. But I look great on paper.
xxooxx

More somethings

Whether to catch you up or start with today's anniversary. I guess I'll go with today then go backwards. I'm big on dates--guess that's why I majored in history. Our mother died 17 years ago today. I pretty much have total recall of the day, down to what I was wearing. Losing my mom was the hardest thing I've ever done--and there has been some really hard stuff lately. I still miss my mom. She could drive me crazy in short order, but I miss her driving me crazy. So, happy seventeenth birthday in heaven, Mother. I've gotten to the point that I can think about her and that day without tearing up. It took a long time to get there. Now I remember the good stuff--a little of the craziness, but mostly the good stuff.
Now--for yesterday. I got to the hospital bright and early and had my sonogram with time to get to church. Wait just a minute. Since the ER ordered the sonogram, I had to check out through the ER. The sonogram lady did tell me that I didn't have gall stones, so I figured that is what the doctor would tell me and I would be on my way. I sat in the waiting room and did what that room is for--waited. Next thing I knew, the medical screening nurse called my name, filled out a form, and I was ushered to a bed in the ER and shown a gown to get into. What? The same doctor I saw on Friday was on duty and he wanted to check everything out again. Guess church was out. So I donned my lovely gown and got into bed. One very kind nurse stopped in to tell me not to worry--medical screening said there was talk about admitting me! Kind nurse said that the doctor was just very thorough. Eventually, a tech came in to draw blood--I didn't know that they left any on Friday night. I didn't have a blankie and my feet were getting cold--it was a really hot day yesterday but not in the ER. So a nurse apologized and brought me a warm blankie. I asked her if there was any possibility of food, since it was after eleven and I hadn't eaten in over twelve hours. She said she would check. I called Glenn to let him know the situation. Prince that he is, he came down to keep me company. Even brought down the book I asked for and more yarn. Kind nurse came in with a lunch tray--yippee. Who would think you would say that about hospital food? I started off eating the best carrots of my life. As I was savoring the carrots, a doctor, not mine, walked by and saw me with the tray. She said, "Aren't you here for abdominal pain? Who thought it was a good idea to let an abdominal pain eat. Could you not do that?" So I put down my fork, sadly. Eventually, someone came in, not kind nurse, to take the tray away. Charming French nurse (male and tres cute) came in and started an IV to give me a pain shot. Not totally necessary--I wasn't comfortable but it was bearable--but very nice. I went off to another plane for a while. Finally, my doctor came in. He said I looked great on paper. It wasn't gall bladder disease. It wasn't pancreatitis. It wasn't life threatening, obviously, so they sent me home with orders to follow up with my primary care. Because I like paper, I asked for a copy of the CT report, which I got, along with a copy of the sonogram report and blood work.
The final CT report noted that my troublesome lymph node and grown again--I wasn't happy about that. I wasn't happy at all. In all, I spent another six hours at the hospital yesterday and I still hurt.
I called my primary care's office today and made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. My oncologist called me in the afternoon to see how I was doing. She went over all my test reports. She wasn't too happy about the lymph node either. The decision now is whether to do radiation on the node or change to a different chemo, since we've gotten the good we are going to get out of doxil. Her choice is radiation. Cancel the chemo for tomorrow. Cancel the CT for Oct 1. Make an appointment for a consult with the radiation oncologist. I did all of that. I will see the RO next Monday. I called Elaine to tell her she was off the hook for tomorrow--she was going to dome over tonight and take me to chemo tomorrow. Maybe next time--I'm assuming there will be a next time with new stuff after the radiation. I see the medical oncologist on the 5th of October and will have my port flushed before Grand Chapter. Radiation most likely won't start till after I get back from Yosemite.
So where are we? There are a great many bad things I don't have. I do have pain. I do have cancer. I want my mommie, but that's not going to happen. Maybe the pain will be gone tomorrow. Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, my car is running great--little problem with the air conditioner, but that can wait.
xxooxx

It's always something and sometimes it's lots of things

I've been remiss. I haven't reported in for over a week. And it's been a full week.
Let's do the good stuff first. Last Sunday was my sister and her husband's 40th wedding anniversary. I think that is an amazing achievement. I want to be around to help them celebrate their 50th, but that's a different story. 40 years! I was married for almost 29. Children of divorce tend toward divorce themselves. You would have to look long and hard to find 100% of the children who have more stable marriages. So Sunday I sort of backed in the reflected glory of my sister's accomplishment
Monday was unremarkable. I went to the women's Bible Study in the evening, which was very nice. Not so nice was when my car wouldn't start when I was ready to go home. Not to worry, Alicia had jumper cables and the gang got me started. I put it on the charger when I got home.
Tuesday it started like a charm, no problems. Wednesday I was going to have an outing in the afternoon. There is a new music store in San Bruno, and I was going to go visit them. The car didn't think so. I put it back on the charger for the night. I took a long nap in the afternoon. Glenn woke me up for dinner, which he had fixed, bliss him. Unfortunately, I didn't eat much of it, because my stomach was hurting. It hurt worse as the evening wore on. I felt somewhat better Thursday--not good, but somewhat better. Took the car off the charger and set out to visit the music shop. No, wasn't going to happen. So I called my mechanic, who said to have it towed in and he'd take a look at it. AAA came pretty quickly--almost on the dot of when they said they would be there. Cheers for them. Mr. AAA checked the battery and the alternator, which checked out fine. He got the car started. I left it running and called the mechanic to let him know that I would be driving it down and would need a ride home. No problem. Got the car there and back home--the mechanic driving. It stopped once on him, but he fiddled with the cables and got he home and himself back to his shop. The car spent the night at the car hospital. Turns out the battery, which was otherwise fine, was leaking battery acid and kept corroding the connections, hence the problems with it dying. New battery and oil change and he and his wife brought it home to me. It did not cost the earth to fix. It pays to have a mechanic you trust.
Meanwhile, back at the stomach, I was still in pain Thursday--not as bad, but uncomfortable. When I was still hurting Friday, I called my oncologist's office and left a message for Dr. Chee. She yells at me if I don't tell her when things are wrong. Pains were worse after the car came home, so I called the office again. Dr Chee called me back almost as soon as I hung up. She wanted to rule out any sort of heart problem, so sent me off to emergency--where I spent nine hours. Glenn came down to keep me company after he got off work. I had lab work, got fluids because I was dehydrated, had an EKG, x-rays, and a CT scan. All my tests were great, and they ruled out heart problems, cancer problems, and bowel obstructions--all good things to rule out. There is a possibility that it is gall bladder disease, so I left with instructions to have a sonogram ASAP.
I got home just before midnight. I was starving and ready to eat the furniture, but nothing appealed to me. I think I had some toast. I got up to watch the Cal game this morning--GO BEARS! I called the hospital during half time and scheduled the sonogram--9 AM tomorrow--nothing to eat or drink after midnight. I guess I'll be late for church. Elaine came over in the afternoon. We had a great visit. She did my laundry, gave me a pedicure and touched up my fingers. I was supposed to go to a meeting of the budget committee this afternoon, but Elaine talked me out of it. I assume the budget got prepared and the earth didn't stop because I wasn't there. Went to Open Mic Night at church, figuring that I could sit at home and feel bad or I could spend the evening with my friends and feel bad. I contributed to the evening by reading Casey at the Bat. It really is a funny poem.
So that's it. You are now up to date. I haven't eaten lots today. I'm hungry, but I don't want to make my stomach work too hard. I'm on pain meds and it is still tender. Next exciting chapter tomorrow--or sometime next week. Stay tuned. Or not. I'm happy to have you on this journey with me.
xxooxx

I Feel Better!

I'm not sure when it happened, or which drug is responsible, but I'm feeling better. My throat doesn't hurt as much, my nose doesn't hurt as much, and my ears don't hurt at all! Yippee skippie! So is it the antibiotics, the protonix, or the decongestants. Who cares--I feel better. My throat has been sore for so long I thought it was normal. It feels better. Everything feel better. I'm not sure I feel like dancing a jig, but I could sure play one--up to tempo. Thank you, God, for whatever it was. I remember, after I had my back surgery, Halloween '03. My doctor told me that I would feel tingling in my legs, which I did--for months. Sometime on our train trip home from New York, I noticed that my legs weren't tingling any more. Couldn't tell you when it happened. That's what my throat was like. This morning I still felt like crap and now I'm approaching good. I won't question it any further. I'll just enjoy it.
xxooxx

The Gulch 2009 before I forget

Another Labor Day weekend has come and gone and another trip to Jones Gulch. It is just incredible the emotions that place can bring to the surface. Seeing friends I love but see once a year. Watching children grow up into amazing adults. Walking the same trail to meals and back and making it each time (see last year's post for pictures). I did a lot of resting, fiddling, and weeping. Was this my last Gulch weekend? I hope not, but the possibility of not seeing these dear ones again made seeing them all the sweater.
The Gulch weekend is like Brigadoon, only instead of every 100 years, it comes up once a year. But it is like you just said good by yesterday and pick up on the same conversation. I was offered rides to and from meals, but those stairs are a personal challenge and I wanted to see if I could do them. I did. Usually someone stayed at my snail's pace and walked with me. These are blessed angels.
The fiddling there is different from my band, because we are a real dance band at the Gulch. There were times I thought the dancers were going to whirl right into my music stand. With the Bethany Brawlers, we are performing the tunes--the more the merrier. For dancing, we play one or two tunes over and over again. Sometimes I think I cannot hold up my bow arm another minute, but I do somehow. It is exhausting and exhilarating and I live for it. The Gulch is where I started fiddling, probably 20 years or more ago. I didn't think I could do it, then I got bitten by the bug. Fiddling is a real passion for me.
So now I'm home. Saw my Primary Care Physician yesterday. There doesn't seem to be any allergy that is making my throat, ears, and nose hurt. So now we're on antibiotics, in case it is an infection. Had my hair cut this morning and did a little retail therapy at Macy's. Got a few tops, some pants, a killer gold wool jacket, and a great deal on a London Fog raincoat--thinking ahead.
I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper--like I needed something external to bring on the tears. Good book. Now I'm reading Comfort Food, bu Kate Jacobs.
So that's it--you're up to date,
xxooxx

How Did it Get to be September?

You don't keep up with the blog, and Poof! it's September. Truth is, I just haven't felt good this week. Not that there weren't little gems thrown in that deserved their own blog.
Last Saturday, while I was melting and feeling dreadfully sorry for myself, my BFF (of only 36 or so years), Kathy, IM'd me trying to chisle me out of my funck. She won and picked me up at 2:30 to go mall crawling in an air conditioned space. Now I rarely hit the malls when the purpose is not simply to buy but to stay dool, so this was an interesting exercise. I can home with some MAC eye make-up remover. amd a mid-sized country's ration of candy, having made stops at both See's and Cost Plus. Cost Plus sells Bounty Bars! I don't have to go all the way to Canada to get them!. Of course for the rest of the week I've been asking myself what did I do and why, but it was great fun at the time.
Sunday was the Peninsula 86 reunion. There weren't many of us, Ramona and her daughter Lynn, Diane and her mother Florine, Pat, and me. None of us were completely well, but we rose above it and had a good time. For the first time in 26 years, we ate inside and all fit around the dining room table.
Monday, I felt pretty dreadful. Between compozine and atavan slept most of the day, Tuesday morning I saw my primary care She thinks my throat could be an acid burn courtesy of GERD and put me on some new meds to try to curb it. She also sucked blood for an allergy test. It could be a combination of both. She also stressed fluid intake, so I've been making a real effort to consume water by the bucketful.
The rest of the week was spent resting. I conned Glenn into going to an Eastern Star party night with me on Wednesday since he was actually off work. Glenn's such a good guy--he let them change his hours for this semester because the day guy is going to school and needed morning hours Thursdays and Fridays--so for the forseeable future, he works 3-11 on Wed, 7-3 Thurs & Fri, and 3-11 on Saturday and Sunday. He switched with someone in need in Wed, that's why he was able to go to Eastern Star with me. As with so much now, I didn't want to go but was glad I made the effort. Now it is time to pack ans shop for the gluch, it being that time again. I'll be going by myself this year, but that's OK--I'll be sleeping, eating, or fiddling. So I'd better get to one or the other--or maybe packing.
xxooxx