The Fifth day of Christmas

I did not get five golden rings today. What I did get was an unpleasant chemo side effect. At 1:30 in the morning I made a quick dash to the bathroom and yielded up everything I'd eaten in the last few weeks. Well, that's what it felt like. When things settled down, I took a compazine and have stayed on that all day. 2:30 AM was another little encore. things have stayed down since then, but I feel like it was another rite of passage in the Cancer Club--sort of like the degrees in masonry. I could have gotten along without this one.
Tomorrow I see Dr. Chee--maybe I'll find out what the biopsy taught them. I know she's going to want to schedule another CAT scan, probably after the next chemo.
Here's just hoping for a quiet night.
xxooxx

The Third Day of Christmas

The beauty of a 12 day feast is that it isn't over at 8 PM on Christmas day. That's just the partridge in the pear tree day. Yesterday, we had to try to keep the turtle doves separated. Today I'm trying my limited French on the three French hens. The real beauty of a 12 day feast is that you can go Christmas shopping when everyone else thinks it's over. I won't see my sister till Tuesday, so I was able to get what I really, really wanted to get for her with no fuss. And Gretchen, if you think I'm giving away clues, guess again. But it will come, wrapped in a Mollie Stone's brown bag, just like everyone else's this year. I also got more baby yarn for my favorite sweater. I couldn't find the foam blocks I need for a new and exciting knitting project--so I ordered them on line. You can do anything on line. I also went to Macy's in Palo Alto and found some skirts that fit. I was afraid I was going to have to start going to church in sweats, but I've been saved from that fashion faux pas. Of course, this flurry of excitement started with a medical outing--time to have my blood sucked again. I'm always surprised that there is any left for them, but they seem to find it.
Now that the to do list for the day is done, I can relax, knit, and watch Cal play in their bowl game. Not the Rose Bowl, but a bowl game all the same. Go Bears!
Feeling somewhat crappy, but I had places to go, things to do. Now I can become a drugged slug for the rest of the evening.
xxooxx

So Christmas came

As it happens, we had a good Christmas. I spent most of the week waiting for this chemo's version of orc attacks. Sunday was fine--I made it to church. I woke up in the night with the start of strange pains, but took a pill and went back to sleep. I was a little loopier than usual for church, but I was there. Can't remember much of note on Monday, but there was no chemo reaction. I felt good enough on Tuesday for the BART trip downtown to see my therapist. Wednesday I did the grocery shopping for Christmas Dinner early in the morning (well, early for me these days) and made it to our Christmas Eve service--this year, for the first time in almost 20 years at 11 PM. I even managed to be one or the readers, though my voice was sitting on the edge of cracking and I think there was a frog pond that wanted to move to my throat.
Christmas morning, I made waffles for Glenn and me (waffles are another Christmas tradition). It stormed all night, really stormed. The wind was trying its best to exalt the valleys and lay low the mountains. Sometime between sun-up and get up there was a wowzer of a hail storm. Both Glenn and I thought it was going to come through the side of the house. I peeked out the front to see hail stones piled up in the front garden. After breakfast--well, maybe brunch--we just hung out till it was time to start cooking. Glenn invited one of his friends who had no plans for the evening. Mark, Elaine, and three grandchildren (that would be no Rachel) got here an hour after I'd planned to serve, but I good time was had by all even so. The roast was delicious, potatoes (new and Yukon gold in butter and parsley) were perfect, and grandma's salad was its usual hit. Monica and Rebecca have both been practicing their knitting and learned to cast off. Now all they need to know is how to purl and read a pattern. It was a happy time--even if somewhat later than planned.
Glenn had to get up at 0 dark hundred this morning. It is his first day at his new location and his training is from seven to three. He will be working from three to eleven (Amgen's version of swing shift), still with Monday and Tuesday off.
I woke up this morning with what may finally be a reaction to the chemo. I did read that this one is longer acting, hence the four week cycle. So, I shall lie low today, read, knit, enjoy our beautiful Christmas tree, and just enjoy the second day of Christmas.
xxooxx

I have the best friends on earth

When I got the call from my doctor and digested the fact that I do, in fact, still have cancer, I pretty much accepted the fact that Christmas wasn't going to happen at our house this year. I mean Jesus would still come into the world as a tiny baby, carols would be sung and played on the radio, the nativity sets were, as you know by now, still up from last year. But tree? Presents? Not going to happen. Not good enough for my friends from church. Al Sweetman picked up Glenn this morning and they went out tree hunting. Roberta and Laura Henry arrived to do lights and ornaments, Jorie and Thomas Abbot came by to help. Between 10ish, when Al and Glenn left, and 12:30 or 1:00, a miracle happened.
















Here is is of the crowd making decisions.

Here's Al, the supervisor.

Here is the finished product. It's just about the best tree ever. Once again, my job was relegated to handing ornaments. Roberta had to leave at noon because she had another commitment. All the ornaments went on between twelve and twelve-thirty. Many hands make light work. What a joy it is to have this beautiful tree. I could have lived without it, but I'm so happy and feel so loved. So thank you. Bethany Tree Angels. You are the best. And on the chemo side effects, I'm still waiting. I was pretty pumped and wired last night from my surprise company. Today I'm just in a glow--but waiting.
xxooxx

A perfect evening

In case you are wondering, I'm doing fine so far. So there I was, playing Spider this afternoon, thinking it was almost time to watch Dr. Phil, when the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone, but went to answer it. It was my daughter and my granddaughters! Many hugs and smiles and hugs. We visited for a while, then everyone wanted to learn to knit, so out came spare yarn and needles and we were on. Rebecca picked it up the fastest, Monica took a little longer, and Elaine got frustrated and quit. I made Victoria's tomato soup for dinner--it is always good to keep the fixings for that on hand, because it is really good. The girls and I went back to knitting, Elaine cleaned the kitchen. It was a lovely way to spend the evening. I finally threw them out just after 9 when everyone was getting tired.
I am one happy grandma. The knitting samples will be saved for the next lesson.
xxooxx

Chemo version 2.1

I was the first patient at the infusion center, so I got to reclaim "my" chair--maybe not such a good place on a winter morning, because when the sun came streaming through the window, it practically blinded me. Since I'm not getting taxol this time, I didn't get the benedryl and pepsid premeds, just the dexamethasone and aloxi. The doxil only took 90 minutes or so to infuse, so it made for a much shorter session--Glenn and I were home around noon. The doxil is red.
In the afternoon, I has a follow up visits with Dr. Kubin (primary care) and Dr. Allen (surgeon who put in my port). All is well--except, of course--I have cancer. Now I'm just waiting to see how I handle this one. It is sort of like waiting for both shoes to drop. You know something is going to happen, just not sure when or what it will be like.
My friend Margaret came over in the evening, bearing Chinese food for dinner, which was yummy. After dinner, we settled down to knit. Margaret is a novice knitter, but she is doing very good work. I was just there to make sure she understood the directions and to teach her how to do new stuff. I'm working on something new--a baby bunting--cute but probably more work than I really want to do, but I started it so I guess I have to finish it.
Back to waiting.
xxooxx

Silver Polishing

Is harder than I remembered. Maybe it's the years of tarnish that I'm trying to polish off. Somehow, sweeping up inches of dust was easier. So I won't get it all done in one day, or maybe even one month. Surely not with one jar of silver cream. Now I'm resting from putting a good start on one teapot and a creamer. I still have nuts to crack for the fudge.
Naturally in today's earlier post, I forgot to mention the highlight of the weekend. That would have been Bethany's Christmas Concert. I Solisti de Bethany did quite well, both on our instrumental pieces, Snow Lay on the Ground and Ding! Dong! Merrily on High and accompanying the congregation on Go Tell it on the Mountain, Oh Come all ye Faithful, What Child is This (with all the right words), and Hark! The Herald Angels Sing. I played Pietro Yon's Gesu Bambino--not as well as I did when i was practicing regularly with a teacher, but well enough for now. The concert was during a really grand rain storm. The raindrops didn't drown out the program, but at times it came close. You can have your White Christmas--for me, Christmas is a driving rainstorm. I still remember walking home from Kindergarten, the last day of school before Christmas vacation. I was five years old, and I remember getting drenched. That's Christmas.
xxooxx

The Season is on

It isn't the first card received or the first carol sung--no, it isn't Christmas Season until I make the first batch of fudge. It is even now sitting in a large bowl, cooling and waiting for the addition of vanilla and Brazil nuts. It's going to be a weird Christmas. I don't think we'll have a tree for the first time in my conscious memory--it's just more than I want to deal with right now. The nativity sets are up, but they have been up since last Christmas.
I had a biopsy of one of my lymph nodes yesterday--guided by a CAT scan. It wasn't bad if you don't mind playing superman for an hour and a half. It started by hooking me up to an IV--everything begins that way--and making sure that all was in order. Then I moved from gurney to CAT scan bed, on my tummy, feet hanging over the edge. I got pillows under my face, chest, and shins,blankets over everything but the middle of my back, and straps to keep me from moving or falling off the 18" table. They took a bunch of scans to know where to start, then I got drugs to relax me and local anesthetics in my back so that they could start the needle on its trip down to the lymph node that was sitting by my aorta. More scans, more and deeper locals, more drugs, and then the process was repeated. Finally, they started taking samples of tissue--about 10 I think. These will be sent off to a special lab to find the best chemo drugs to use on them.
I finally got to bend things like elbows and shoulders and scrunch back on the gurney for the trip back to same-day surgery, where they observed me for two hours. The site was a little sore, and I was a little loopier than usual, other than that, all was well. I got apple juice and graham crackers, then ginger ale, then a box lunch. By then, they were ready to throw me out. The wonderful Roberta Henry picked me up and got me settled at home, where I rested as instructed. I have no ill effects today. The band aid on my back is a little higher than I thought anything bad inside was, but maybe they angled down.
That's the great excitement to date. I'm thinking about polishing silver just for the satisfaction of it this afternoon, then I'll go to a movie night at church.
xxooxx

A good cry

I tuned in on the middle of the 1949 Little Women on AMC tonight, just as Beth was getting the piano from Mr. Laurence. It was like settling down with an old freind--though I didn't meet this movie in color. I was pretty drenched by the time it was over--I could have stayed with the channel and watched The Man Who Came to Dinner and gotten over weepy really fast. but it was refreshing to have a really good cry over something that had NOTHING to do with cancer. It's just a great tug at your heartstrings sort of movie--more so because I've seen it so many times and am so familar with the story that I knew almost every line of dialogue. That was fine--I could cry in anticipation because I knew what was coming up.
I might have been overly sentimental because I had a good talk with my daughter before I went channel surfing. I was already feeling all warm and happy.
Anyway, that's my little post script for the evening--of course when I went to write it, I realized that I hadn't published the previous post that I did this afternoon. So when you're reading them, realize that there were hours between them.I'm going to go put my music for tomorrow's rehearsal with my violin, then toddle off to bed before I get the chance to forget anything else.
Good grief! I either spelled and/or typed everything right in this post or my spellcheck is dead!
xxooxx

Off and running

I had the port put in yesterday. The area is a little sore, but it was without incident. Glenn got me there by 9:15 and we got home shortly after 1 PM. I went to my Eastern Star meeting last night. I was a little loopy, but I made it through. I had a local for the procedure. If I'd had a general, I'd have been sleeping for the rest of the day and evening. I did arrange a ride to chapter.
Today was my oncologist appointment. I'm having a biopsy on Tuesday--be at the hospital by 7 AM and plan on spending most of the day there. Chemo begins on Thursday, with something called Liposomal doxorubicin, or Doxil, which I said sounded like the King's mistress. I have two cycles of 28 days scheduled. After that, I'll be having another CAT scan to see how the tumor reacted to the first two rounds. I'm not overly thrilled about the whole process, but I'm glad to be moving on it. The boxing gloves are our and ready to be put on. Since it is a new (for me) drug, I guess I'll be in for a whole new round of sensations. Yippee. And they said the appointments should take about two hours--the last time it was more like five.
So that's it for now. I have a fullish weekend, with an orchestra practice in the morning and our church Christmas concert on Sunday evening. I won't be resting the violin on the port site, but bowing will possibly be a little uncomfortable--that's why they make drugs. I need to finish the Christmas cards before Tuesday and get them into the mail. Glenn and I might even get a tree this weekend! I got a wreath on Wednesday--and of course the nativity sets have been up all year, knowing that Christmas would come again.
xxooxx

Things are in the works

I feel better, at least intellectually. I don't have the whole plan laid out just yet--that should come on Friday, but things are moving. I had my pre-op appointment at the hospital this morning and I'll be getting my portacath put back in tomorrow. I'm supposed to have some sort of guided biopsy too, but it seems they are still working that out. Friday I'll see my oncologist and presumably get the beginning of my chemo schedule. While I'm not really looking forward to that, it will be something concrete and the new battle will have begun. Those who know and love me know that patience is no part of my make-up. I can be slothful and inactive along with the best of them, as long as I know what is going on and the big plan is working. So, we're in process. Now I'll go back to Christmas cards.
xxooxx

Still breathing

What shall I do tomorrow? I have no appointments! And it is the only day of the week--well, actually, I do have an orchestra practice at church, but it isn't till the evening. I was supposed to be getting my port tomorrow--needed to be at the hospital at 5:45 AM. And Glenn loves me enough to have gotten me there even though he works till midnight tonight. The surgeon's office called me to say that my slot had been given to another doctor in the practice. They could do it Friday morning. Kind of pushing it, since I have an appointment with Dr. Chee (the medical oncologist) at 2:45 in the afternoon and she called me Thursday afternoon to say that they were going to biopsy the tumor while I was under and send it off to someplace where they could find the best chemo drugs to use on it. But OK. I left a message for Dr. Chee with the change of schedule. Then they called back and said how about Thursday at 11:30 AM with a different surgeon. No problem. He's the one who did my first hernia repair. He's nice and a good doctor. I have a horror of being called at 6 something tomorrow morning with them asking where I am. No, I think we're set for Thursday. I'm not sure that's going to give the tumor place time to work their magic, but I left another message for Dr. Chee with the new date and time.
I'm ready to roll on this. If I must have chemo again, and it seems I must, get it started to get it over with.
So let me bring you up to date on last week's excitement. I met with the surgeon who was going to put in the port--she did the last one. I let her read my CAT report. She was more optimistic, since it hasn't moved to any organ or my bones. After I saw her, I went upstairs to my plastic surgeon' s office to say hi t the staff. My plastic surgeon read the report too and he was equally optimistic. I went to knitting circle that evening and after I got home, the Youth Club from church stopped by to sing carols and leave a plate of Christmas cookies. I felt special.
Thursday, I went walking with my friend Kathy. It's starting to get nippy out, but the walking is good, and Kathy is a dear friend to talk with. I got an actual nap in the afternoon and had a church meeting in the evening. Friday, I saw the last doctor of the week, Dr. Shen, the gynecological oncologist who did my original surgery. He thinks chemo first is also the way to go, but I'm sure he will be happy to take out what's left of the tumor after drugs and radiation shrink it. Saturday morning, I went to a masonic installation at one of Lee's lodges. The incoming Master is a young man of whom Lee was particularly fond, so I went to support him. I came home to watch Cal win their last regular season game, then Glenn and I went to his (and Lee's other) lodge installation. Same ritual but very different. Today was church, part of the 49ers game (they won too!) and an Eastern Star function. I haven't been in heels and stockings for so long in a while--if you don't count Grand Chapter, and I was partly frozen for that, so maybe it doesn't count.
Anyway, next week comes with new adventures. I expect to get my chemo schedule on Friday. Not exactly cause for rejoicing, but at least then I can plan out a few weeks in advance.
Off to my Nevada Barr book. This one is in Yosemite. I don't know why I'm in such a hurry to finish, because there are only two left in the series.
xxooxx

And the sucking continues

I met with my oncologist today. I told her I'm not a happy girl. She said she isn't either. She will be talking to my other oncologists and come up with a plan of attack by the end of next week. This time, it will probably be chemo and radiation to shrink the new tumor first then surgery if it is still there. To that end, I have an appointment tomorrow to discuss putting the portacath back in. Too bad. We were so optimistic when we took it out. Glenn says we did it before, we can do it again. OK, then, that's what we will do. At least I don't have the prospect of recovering from surgery over Christmas, but with luck, I'll feel like real crap then. Not that I'm in any mood to put off treatment. I would start yesterday if I could and if it would make me better.
xxooxx